Hooker Without a Penis (472 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.85 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by citizenabovesuspicion (View user info) at 2004-02-18 01:00:47 EST
Im still in Vang Vieng Laos and Ive got to say this place is a real chestnut; Im even putting it on PTH standby (Potential Trip Highlight-- you cant call a place a highlight while youre still there, it must be done in hindsight). I met some American Comrades (Dan is a clean cut ex-Viagra salesman. In Vientienne, drunk and jacked up on the local amphetamine, he tried to fuck a hooker up the ass only to discover she had a dick. Cliches abound.) and weve been floating down the river in tubes, ironically a commonplace summer pastime in the Homeland.
There are many points of interest on the river: caves, water buffalo in the mist, really really poor fishing families, towering limestone cliffs, and A Floating Bar Run By Children (this being my personal favorite). We sat on the riverside for hours and got fucked up; I found an old bullet casing and put it next to a huge dead grasshopper and we took a picture. I actually said "Dude, how sweet is THIS" while staring at the river and the mountains. Great Place.
Last night I was standing in front of my hotel at like 3am a little drunk but I couldnt sleep and this kid asks me if I want some weed so I said yea even though I didnt, I just wanted to buy it, so I gave him US$3 and followed him through a short maze of shanties even though he didnt want me to. He gave me about an ounce and a half and I started cracking up. I gave it to some hippie at my hotel who had been drinking "happy shakes".
Im going to continue on to Luang Pradang (sp?) even though I have reservations. If I keep going North, Im going to have to cross into Vietnam, but thatll put me up in Hanoi, sooo far from HoChiMinhCity. I also have impending money problems and no visas for Vietnam or Cambodia. I may head back to Bangkok so I can take care of the logistics and then cross into Cambodia making HoCHiMinh much easier to get to. Its a mission:impossible either way, but I continually ask myself "What would Chuck (Norris) do?" He'd Go For It, thats for sure. Hes been to edge, lost a lot of friends there.
Dave, you once told me a story: You went with C____ U_____to drop off some sporting materials at Coach Cantey's house one weekend. No one answered the door, but you noticed a large housecat sitting on the inside windowsill with its tongue hanging out as if suffering from heat exhaustion. You then speculated that Coach Cantey might have been standing in his backyard amidst a graveyard of hundreds of deflated footballs. Your tale is a powerful one and it has stuck with me for nearly a decade: there are many roads a man can take. Some of them are dark. Deal with it.
For those about to Mustache I salute you,
Private Hookerwithoutapenis
opium den div.
User Reviews
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-18 18:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've missed these posts.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-02-18 18:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminds me a little of Tom Robbins...just a little.
Submitted by tardbacon (user info) at 2004-02-18 18:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Chuck Norris has stood and looked down and rhymed it with mess around.
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2004-02-18 14:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tool owns.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-18 10:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
strange, but entertaining.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-02-18 10:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the title, couldnt be bothered reading the rest.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-18 01:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait - aren't you a soldier? Do soldiers need Passports?
I'm just thinkin' the Iraqi army could have used that as a technique...