You've got to Lose to Know how to Win (1273 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stan<juggalo44.at.mad.scientist.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-18 13:36:27 EST
Ubersite! I have been writing here for over a year now. This is not an Uberversary post like Razor's. This is more of a reflection of changes that have occured to me in the past year. What can I say? One thing that hasn't changed, I am still a self centered bastard. I know that this would have been more fitting, due to the nature of the piece, around New Year's but we are on Stanton time so sit down, buckle up, keep hands and feet inside, and shut the fuck up for a second.
When I first came to Uber I was hot on the heels of a bad breakup with a married woman. She took this 6ft, 250 lbs man and crushed him into small pieces. After months of whining about it, I started dating again....or atleast trying to date again. I met girls that I liked but they rejected me. I met girls that seemed to like me but I wasn't feeling it. I was all around confused about the whole dating thing. Even after a year of being away from her, I was still dreaming about her. She stole more than my heart or my pride. She stole an entire year of my happiness.
This is as much about her as the past year or so was. I had more going on besides this building depression and regret. I got a dog that has demodectic mange and a bladder problem, yet she could not be more beautiful to me. She's like a daughter that I have been supporting and that is a pretty cool feeling. Her life depends on me.
In the past year I have, much like the girl situation, jumped from musicians to musicians. I have been trying to find that perfect fit. Around July, 03 I met my match. A big guitar player with brutal riffs, a cute bass player with blonde hair and a cosmetology license, and a lush/addict/alcoholic drummer that is over flowing with originality. Together we form........something that, like me, keeps changing and facing obstacle after obstacle. One of those obstacles, we can't seem to agree and stick with a name, without it already being taken by someone else. Such is life.
I took a plane trip to Minnesota in August of 2003 and met face to face with Goldneyes. She's more than a beautiful girl, she's a true friend. She's amazing. It was an interesting experience and one that I would not take back for the world. That's all I can really say about that.
I fought a battle with depression. It turns out that Jenny wasn't the cause of my problems. She was more like a problem that was caused by depression. I did what some people agree with and some disagree with and got on the pill. Now, not only am I not pregnant, I am also not feeling the depression symptoms. I also fought against other ailments and have conquered them. Sleep apnea and acid reflux both suck but I am currently treating them both.
There were a lot of advancements for me since last year. I feel like my intellect has doubled. My strength has increased. My writing has improved. My self esteem has risen along with my stress levels. My income is about the same but still better than when I was delivering pizzas.
Not that life has become perfect by any means. I did get arrested in December and am now serving my sentence of a year probation. I am, however, done complaining about it. Don't get me wrong, it's totally bogus and disgusting but what can ya do?
Since the year has started, I have dealt with watching my drummer serve his small amount of jail time and start his time in rehab. I have dealt with my own legal issues. I have lost one fairweather friend and placed my stupid self in emotional harms way once again. Not too bad for being less than two months into it.
I have also had my very best friend move in with me. We have started a musical side project called, The Black Eyed Federales where the only rule to the band is: anything goes. So far, I have written about a billion kick ass songs for that project, give or take a few. I also had a great one night stand with a girl that I thought was going to turn into something but thank god it didn't. Not that she wasn't cool as hell but I had better things in store for me. She started to blow me off (not in the good way) and I have kind of lost touch with her. For about a week, I was left feeling a lot of despair and my self esteem shot down to really low. It seemed that every girl I wanted to stick around would not be there for more than one or two dates. That gets to you after awhile.
My roommate, bless his heart, decided to do something for me. He got a job working at a beauty college. The same one that my bass player is about to graduate from. He's a registrar doing whatever the hell they do and making slightly less than I do. Well, he broke the rules of professionalism, considering that the students there are within his and my age range and decided to throw a party at our apartment. His intention was to introduce me to a girl he works with named Christy.
Well, the day of the party, my parents are in town and I go see them. I get back home around 11pm and I walk inside to see my house full with a few familiar faces and a few unfamiliar faces. One of those unfamiliar faces is this adorable red head sitting on my couch. Donnie, one of my other best pals, is shit faced and hitting on her with every possible lewd comment he can muster.
Donnie plays drums in a fairly successful, regional wise, country band and is used to groupie girls that will fall over anything he says. Christy, on the other hand, has more dignity than that and remained unresponsive. She was also a good sport because she did laugh at what he had to say and was not a bitch about it. Perfect balance if you ask me.
Well, Christy was responsive to someone else at the party and if you could not have guessed, it was me. We have come to find that we have a lot in common and we make each other happy. I have taken her out countless times since we met and I truly feel comfortable and well when I am with her. Last night, we even danced around my living room, listening to Insane Clown Posse and I was surprised to learn that she knows all the words to, "What is a Juggalo?" I don't mean to get sappy but I do want everyone to know that things have come full circle for me over the past year.......or is it more like half circle. Either way, I am in a different place. This relationship is real. This is not about me seeking acceptance like I did through so many of the girls that I dated over the past year, yet I have achieved an enormous amount of acceptance from her. It's about having a good time with someone that I care about in a deep way without it being sexual.....although, it is sexual too.
I have no fairy tale notions of this being a means to solve my problems. They are still here. I have learned that happiness can only come from within and that is the ultimate pursuit in life. What lies ahead for me? A new home, new friends, good times while forcefully being sober.....for awhile, more good music from both projects, a script that I have been re-working and reworking to damn near perfection, and any other pursuit that I can get involved in are all just around the corner for me. I did a lot of losing over the past year and just like my man Steven Tyler said," You've got to lose to know how to win." I feel it's starting to be my time for that. For once, I don't have a lot to complain about and I think that is fine by me.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
User Reviews
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with the band name. My band finally came up with a name, and it's actually good (Auspex). Drummer found it in some book or something.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-25 16:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love hearing about how people turn themselves around like this. Great job!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-18 17:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Streetpunk
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2004-02-18 15:46:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Frenchy:
I was thinking of calling the band "Lienda," which means all or nothing but I am not sure of what language it is. Either that or "Day of Lienda."
Submitted by Frenchy (user info) at 2004-02-18 14:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck...........and why not call the band "Such is Life"?
You said it yourself.
Frenchy
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-18 14:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only rule is that there are no rules.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-18 14:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good news.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-18 13:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kickass!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-18 13:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck man.