Dance, Motherfucker, Dance!! (1557 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Childhood
Rating: 1.92 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jimbo (View user info) at 2004-02-18 15:53:43 EST
I mentioned it in passing in my last post, but I figured the tale deserved a little fleshing out.
I grew up in a neighborhood with pretty decent-sized, wooded lots. My brothers and I used to go out in the woods almost every day and do all sorts of shit. We'd climb trees, build forts, have wooden sword fights...you know, stupid kid stuff. My older brother got the bright idea one day to cut some green branches and make bows and arrows. Of course, as a growing lad, I couldn't say no to shit like that.
So we went out into the woods and selected our donor trees. After jerry-rigging everything together, we had some serious firepower. We were shooting at an old stump, having a grand old time, until we ran out of arrows. Feeling safe, my brother said, "Hold on, I'll get them", and strolled on over to the stump. As he was picking up the arrows, I looked down at my feet and noticed a solitary, crooked arrow, lying lonely on the ground at my feet. He wanted to join his friends.
I picked up the lonely arrow and whispered to it, "Don't cry. I'll send you home, little fella".
I nocked it and took careful aim at the stump. And by "the stump", I mean "my brothers ass".
My brother's spider-sense went off and he turned around and saw me taking careful aim at him. I suddenly remembered a cute little thing my brother used to do to me. He would chase me around the house with our Dad's BB gun, screaming, "Dance, motherfucker, dance!!" It was a real treat for him. If I didn't dance (and being a suburban white boy, I'm sure it was pretty sad), he'd shoot me. In the foot, in the leg, in the ass, it didn't matter to him.
Now was the time for my comeuppance. "Dance, motherfucker, dance!!" I shouted at him with what I hoped was the proper amount of ferocity.
"You won't shoot me," he replied confidently, knowing full well he would beat my ass to powder if I actually shot at him.
But I like to think he saw something in my eyes that said, "Actually, I am going to shoot you, you dirty bastard!", because he suddenly took off running. I was leading him just slightly, hoping I could tag him. I knew that this was the only chance I was likely to ever get, so I wanted to get all the joy out of it I could. A miss would have just resulted in a beat down with no substantial payoff to show for it. Thinking thusly, I released.
As soon as I let fly, I knew I had horribly miscalculated. The arrow was dropping too quickly. I had not adjusted properly for elevation. I was going to miss. Shit. I just knew I was dead.
THOK!!
The arrow went right through the web of his Achilles tendon. Down he went.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" he screamed, with an arrow sticking out of his heel.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I countered, with horrifying nightmares of future beatings whistling through my mind.
I have to give my brother full respect, because he bent over, yanked the arrow out of his foot, and charged towards me with fiery, murderous rage burning in his eyes. Luckily, (and obviously) he couldn't run very fast in that condition, and I easily beat him back into the house, where I sought refuge behind my Dad's Lay-Z-Boy.
Of course, he got me back the next week by bashing my head open during a dirt clod fight.
User Reviews
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-08-09 12:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparrow at 2004-07-10 10:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought my big bro was evil putting rolled out playdoh over my face so i couldnt breathe, but thats a cracker.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-10 16:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-03-27 16:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha
I enjoyed that very much.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-27 16:14:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-03-02 22:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the aims of getting some of the crap off the recently reviewed page, I'm gonna put this on there.
Submitted by alchemist (user info) at 2004-02-19 10:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've done some messed up stuff to my brother, by shooting him with an arrow beats anything I ever did.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-18 18:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does your brother walk with a limp now?
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-02-18 18:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am still undefeated in dirtclod wars.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-18 18:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought this was about a violent femmes song..
cool though.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-02-18 18:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This just makes me even more thankful that I am an only child...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-18 17:25:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the things I missed by not having brothers.
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-02-18 16:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhahahahaha... it reminds me the time i threw and ski pole at my sister! missed her by an inch. The door still lives to tell the tale though :)
Submitted by JackHand (user info) at 2004-02-18 15:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
Liked it.
Submitted by theWELLofZION (user info) at 2004-02-18 15:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the Violent Femmes memories...