Terry Winthrop: A Boring History (472 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tardbacon (View user info) at 2004-02-18 16:02:37 EST
Preface
In these modern times, few names inspire such blank stares and utter indifference as the man we have come ignore and disrespect, Terry "I Like Water" Winthrop. The mere momentary thought of him conjures up strong emotions of apathy in each of us. Today, we look at the the events that shaped the man that shapes nothing in the world around him, and how a boy of little means grew up to have just as little means and to really not give a shit.
Chapter One: The early, boring years.
Jesse Winthrop came to the local Siltville bar that night for one reason and one reason only, to drink. Drinking gave Jesse a time to reflect on his life and his dream of finding a spring of whiskey that flowed all day and night. Such reflecting and drinking gave Jesse another reason for being there, to find love or, failing that, a cheap and seedy sexual encounter. This was not to be the night Jesse would find love or a whiskey spring, but instead he found the 40th best thing in the form of a ok-looking-considering-the-scar Betty Cornwell, a 27 year old alchoholic with a drinking problem. The two hit it off and before they knew it they were in the backseat of Betty's 1958 Dodge, passed out. Inside Betty, one Terry Winthrop was beginning his journey.
Terry Al Winthrop was born Terry Al Winthrop in the winter of 67, during a blizzard the Siltville locals called "the horse freezer". Jesse had found work at the local stables to afford a cozy Motel room for Betty and the newborn Terry. Betty helped out by draning quite a bit and opening cans of tuna for the boy.
As Terry grew, his parents instilled in him a deep appreciation for television and cigarettes; values which Terry still holds strong today.
The early years in school were hard on the boy so he often spent days hiding in the aquaduct near the school. From this vantage point, Terry could watch the cars on the turnpike pass through the toll booth and he would admire the skill with which the attendant would monotonously take the toll and blankly stare off into space. He felt as if they were dancing a dance of beauty and grace just for him and he wanted to join them. One day he would.
High school presented Terry with no less trouble and Terry soon stopped going all together. Still he returned to watch the tollbooth attendants and now practiced their movements and blank stares. It filled him with a dull joy that Terry knew could blossom into a mediocre exsistance.
One day Terry was counting rocks in the gravel pit when he noticed a man crossing the pit towards the steep embankment that dropped into the icy river below. At first Terry did not recognize the man but as he grew closer the face revealed itself to be one of the men who Terry had admired from a distance all these many years. He approached the man who seemed to be increasing his gait towards the precipice. Under a patch that read "Siltville Turnpike Authority", read the word "Larry". Larry had not yet noticed Terry coming towards him, but now halted and asked, "Whadda ya want, ya shit?"
"Say mister, you one of those people I seen taking money on the turnpike?" Terry asked.
"What? You wanna join the rest of the town and make fun of a man just trying to survive? Do ya?" he spat.
With that, Larry quikly ran to the cliff and hurled himself into the cold torrent below.
Terry stared for a minute and wondered what was on television. As he walked home, he thought of the man and wondered why he would go swimming in the winter. He also wondered what the boss at the turnpike would do if Larry just kept swimming and never came back. Maybe he would go ask the boss tomorrow.
Next time we will follow the flower that is Terry Winthrop blossom in chapter two: The Less Boring Years
User Reviews
Submitted by Wave_Rider_Cafe (user info) at 2004-02-21 10:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this one. Where'd you come up with his "I Like Water" nickname? Sounds like somethingyou'd hear on Most Extreme Elimination challenge. Great post, I'm sending the link to some friends. Write more about this guy!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-18 17:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. But what is "draning?"