Oh GOD, I Don't Want To Be An Evil, Man-Hating Bitch (3922 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 96 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kristen (View user info) at 2004-02-19 05:20:29 EST
But things aren't looking up.
Tonight I went out with who I thought was the "nice" guy. The kind that irons his own clothes, secretly keeps his Harry Potter DVDs behind this Godfather box set, and buys Cottonelle with Ripples and Aloe toilet paper.
I'm slowly discovering, however, that the guy who buys soft, lotiony TP is NOT concerned with how comfortable it is for his lady friend to wipe. He is yet another narcissistic bastard with a sore bumhole complex.
I'm also slowly figuring out that I shouldn't judge a guy's dateablility factor on his toilet paper alone. But I digress.
The guy I went out with a couple nights ago had all the classic nice guy symptoms. He was punctual. He was complimentary. He was attentive, sweet, friendly, a generous tipper, funny, and called when he said he would. I had no qualms about accepting another date with him.
So we went out tonight.
It wasn't the date from hell. It was worse. It was the date from Yukon, Oklahoma on steroids. The date from Yukon, Oklahoma on steroids with bad breath and a problem with dry dirt.
What's wrong with having a neck and a functioning penis? Why order the garlic mashed potatoes as a side dish, garlic Ranch atop the salad, the butter-garlic sautéed shrimp as an entrée, and eat three garlic rolls to boot? And after eating approximately seventeen cloves of garlic, what is wrong with speaking at distances upward of four feet? Why the need to whisper every little thing?
Since when has the "nice" guy been so eager to prove his penis withstood the effects of steroids that he whips it out in the parking lot?
Since when has the "nice" guy decided that since his penis was already out, he may as well make some mud in the flowerbeds?
And what would possess a nice guy to write, "I wish my girlfriend was this dirty" on a filthy, circa 1980's Wagoneer with fake wood paneling?
I think I'm done complaining. Would anyone like to contribute their own worst date in a meager attempt to make me feel better? Or make fun of me for mine?
You have to top a steroid using, garlic inhaling, peeing 26 year-old man who thinks Hermione is hot to trot.
User Reviews
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-01 16:38:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
poor poor Kristen is still waiting for me to rescue her from dating hell
-Turtle
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-29 01:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like wheelchairs.
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-29 01:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you like Harleys?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-02-27 11:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like you are just about ready to go out on a date with me...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-27 10:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the visual there smoky.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-02-27 09:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this story it was funny. Steroids are bad for your balls more than your weiner. They also give you backne which is gross zits on your back. The proof of that problem is all over the place at the gym. After lifting when I take a shower I am happy that I still have a neck and balls that can produce children and no zits on my back. It is my reason for not being mad when someone has biceps that are 6 inches bigger than I could ever get mine just lifting.
That is the toilet paper I use, and it is not because I am sore, it is because it is so delightful. I also think Hermione will be hot, although I am sad to say I went to see Harry Potter in the theater (my stoned friends had good commentary at least and no I do not have the DVD).
Your problem is you fell for a fake nice guy. If you ever want to know if a guy really is nice, check and see how he treats his mom. If he has a great relationship with his mom and treats her well he is probably genuinely nice. Also find out what he does to help others. If he cannot find time to coach a kids team or work with old people he is probably selfish.
Finally, if he did not have a neck, he sounds gross looking. I thought you were more shallow than that Kristen, I am disappointed.
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2004-02-26 04:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am an Evil, Man-hating Bitch. And I like it.
I have EVERY reason to be that way.
I have no respect for the opposite sex, and will remain that way
until It is proven otherwise to me. Since I will never give another man a
chance to prove this, I will never be proven wrong. And I don't care.
I have my own money.
I like my own company.
I have my girls.
I do have male friends.
I also have a dildo.
I need nothing else.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-02-21 17:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sometimes we don't get what we want. You didn't want an asshole roid monster with issues and he likely didn't get laid. Call it even, and then ask a male relative ( hopefully one with whom you can talk freely) what kind of a man buys scented aloe soaked toilet paper, and if he( your relative) himself isn't a member of the lavender hill mob, likely he'll tell you: a Poofter. Rump Ranger. Rectum Romeo. Rear Admiral.
No bachelor worthy of the name buys girly toilet paper. If you want mr. sensitivity, expect mr. Big_on_musical_theater as well. Real Men™ simply aren't built that way.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-21 17:43:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nevermind, Kristen. There's no shortage of suitors here on Ubersite...
Wait a minute did I just advocate internet-based relationships???
Damn...
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-21 17:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-20 11:10:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-20 09:34:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-02-19 22:40:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
I just noticed something. Out of Kristen's last 17 posts, maybe only 5 have not made it onto the most heated list. Granted she is a good writer, but holy piss. I doubt she would be getting that much if all the guys would stop trying to get her to talk to you.
This was funny though.
===============================
Interesting point...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, fascinating.
====================================================
HA!!!!!!!!
It worked!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-02-21 02:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time, I'll just stay home.
Submitted by dragondmx (user info) at 2004-02-21 01:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey kristen nice one can i see your pics?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-21 00:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-02-20 20:52:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Im pretty sure Kristen doesn't like me, lol. I think she's replied like once when I asked her something. Seriously though, Im not really an asshole.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey! I like you!
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-02-20 22:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-20 08:26:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-20 00:45:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-19 20:24:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my girlfriend was a dirty slut.
-------------------------------------------------------------
She is.
HAHAH! Jokes on you buddy! I don't have a girlfriend, and I never get laid!!!
YES!
========================================================
Plus 2 for that
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-02-20 20:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Im pretty sure Kristen doesn't like me, lol. I think she's replied like once when I asked her something. Seriously though, Im not really an asshole.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-02-20 17:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:44:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have never watched any of the Godfathers, and I've read every Harry Potter.
Am I not a man?
I am praying this is a joke.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-20 14:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes is right. Get a geek.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-20 11:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-20 09:34:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-02-19 22:40:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
I just noticed something. Out of Kristen's last 17 posts, maybe only 5 have not made it onto the most heated list. Granted she is a good writer, but holy piss. I doubt she would be getting that much if all the guys would stop trying to get her to talk to you.
This was funny though.
===============================
Interesting point...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, fascinating.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-20 09:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-02-19 22:40:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
I just noticed something. Out of Kristen's last 17 posts, maybe only 5 have not made it onto the most heated list. Granted she is a good writer, but holy piss. I doubt she would be getting that much if all the guys would stop trying to get her to talk to you.
This was funny though.
===============================
Interesting point...
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-20 08:26:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-20 00:45:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-19 20:24:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my girlfriend was a dirty slut.
-------------------------------------------------------------
She is.
HAHAH! Jokes on you buddy! I don't have a girlfriend, and I never get laid!!!
YES!
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-20 06:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen, why date guys like these, when you could be taken out by an awkward, quiet, barely legal, broke-off-his-ass dishwasher, that just had half of his ribs snapped by a car?
Sounds tempting doesn't it?
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-02-20 01:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm a nice guy..
haha...ha......(sigh)...
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-20 00:45:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-19 20:24:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my girlfriend was a dirty slut.
-------------------------------------------------------------
She is.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-20 00:28:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Too late.
Lisa say's:
"On a side note, here are some for plausible translations for "I'm a nice guy":
-I lack intellectual sharpness.
-I lack a substantial sense of humor.
-I lack sexual prowess.
-Give me your sex.
-No one likes me.
-I'm a rapist.
-I'm the reason for at least one restraining order.
-I love Star Wars, anime, chess, Harry Potter, online gaming, live role-playing, and/or other men.
-I suck at absolutely everything, except dropping transparent, cliche pick-up lines."
I still consider myself to be a nice guy. I'm sorry you women are so jaded.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-20 00:15:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what Yes said. Us geeks make very nice pets.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-02-19 23:46:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know Konami made Contra, back the fuck off me!
-BongZilla
+2 because Kristen is hot, hey kristen whatever happened with the Wal Mart bra ad?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-02-19 23:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you need to go out with some real losers, they are the nice guys, not the wife beating type, the type that have a hard time talking to girls and shit like that... confidence breeds assholeness, get yourself a nice geek, we make great pets.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-02-19 23:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heheh... you never believe guys like that exist until you meet one.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-02-19 22:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just noticed something. Out of Kristen's last 17 posts, maybe only 5 have not made it onto the most heated list. Granted she is a good writer, but holy piss. I doubt she would be getting that much if all the guys would stop trying to get her to talk to you.
This was funny though.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-19 21:28:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think they made NBA Jam, another classic.......
Yeah it has been a while.......
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-19 20:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my girlfriend was a dirty slut.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-02-19 19:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hermione is hot....
err...i mean Harry Potter is
oh fuck.
well atleast i can legally say this.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-19 18:15:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK! It was like 10 years ago...cut me some slack.
So then what did Acclaim make?
Anyone?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-19 18:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So when did you want me to pick you up?
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-19 17:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:54:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Street Fighter 3 Biatch!!!
...Acclaim did make street fighter, right?
===============================================
Capcom made this game.
And you call yourself a man. I am INSULTED!!!!!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-19 17:49:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-02-19 17:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Krissy, I keep telling you. John.
Submitted by InSaNeSna1L (user info) at 2004-02-19 16:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe....the restaurant part was humourous....
yes garlic is a great way to pick up :)
but a fancy restaurant was a nice touch
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-19 16:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**secretly keeps his Harry Potter DVDs behind this Godfather box set**
Hell, if I lost my mind and bought anything Harry Potter related I'd try and hide it too. Either that or pass it off to the next 8 yr. old child I saw.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-02-19 16:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and this Kristen woman is really cute-ifying the fuck out of Ubersite, making grown men and women say ballyhoo like "hewwo" and "kwisten" and whatever the horse's cock else. I mean she's hot and all, and her ass is nice and shit ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/22683 ) but really, where does this infernal babytalking wellspring of utter moronic unmanliness arise from? No, I say, stamp out the cock-in-mouth kinderbabble or let this forum's sterling diction perish. Perish!
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-02-19 15:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:44:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have never watched any of the Godfathers, and I've read every Harry Potter.
Am I not a man?
-------------------
Yes, holy tittybongs on a nude beach, what kind of demi-masculine infidel hasn't seen the Godfather? I'm sick and tired of people not seeing the Godfather, or not reading it or whatever. There's no fucking excuse to justify not reading the Godfather, none of that "illiteracy" or "no speaka English" cockswaddle holds water. Either read it, or drop dead. Either watch it, or stop breathing my air. NO FUCKING EXCUSE.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-02-19 15:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shay has no reason to -2 this three times.
once is enough if you don't like it.
3 times sounds like a grudge. What'd Kristen do, steal your internet boyfriend?
---------------------------------------
I hit it once, it posted 3 times by itself. Bite me.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-02-19 14:34:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My bad.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-02-19 14:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. See, this is why I don't leave my house, ever.
DJMatt, what's with this "I'm such a nice guy" bit? It's cornier than Squanto's shit after the first Thanksgiving. I've met nicer guys. On a side note, here are some for plausible translations for "I'm a nice guy":
-I lack intellectual sharpness.
-I lack a substantial sense of humor.
-I lack sexual prowess.
-Give me your sex.
-No one likes me.
-I'm a rapist.
-I'm the reason for at least one restraining order.
-I love Star Wars, anime, chess, Harry Potter, online gaming, live role-playing, and/or other men.
-I suck at absolutely everything, except dropping transparent, cliche pick-up lines.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-02-19 14:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My last date (of 6 total) with a man I affectionately call "Mr. Twix-Dick" was interesting.
I make ONE LITTLE comment about the Napoleon Syndrome and he gets all pissy... some men with tiny penises are really touchy.....
Closing Scene:
Twix: "Take me back to my car please"
Me: "OK, whatever." *screeeeeching tires and waves of relief*
5 minutes later:
Twix: *opens passenger door*
Me: "You have a minute penis."
Twix: "I know." *slam*
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-19 14:14:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PLEASE tell me that firewater was involved. I'm trying to both block the mental image and try to think of any possible excuse he could have had for acting this way on a second date.
How about this one, it was a college date.
He got bonus points for coming up with something creative and suggesting that we go to a batting range. He was not an athlete, so not an athlete that he couldn't make contact with the baseball even at the little league coach pitch speed. I, it should be noted, had an in-house father who is American and can therefore hit a baseball up to the medium speed. Fast speed, oh hell no INCOMING GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE. I don't think he so much cared for getting shown up by a girl and maybe just maybe the rolling around the ground laughing hysterically as he took up to 3 swings and a miss at a single softball didn't help. Keep in mind the batting range was his idea.
We left there and went to a bar for a couple of drinks and some pool. He was much better at pool. I drove because lover boy didn't have a car. Not a big deal, lots of people in college don't have cars, but he offered to be the designated driver so I could drink. I thought at the time that it was probably a ploy to get me drunk but I needed the alcohol to blur the memory of the batting cages.
We decide to head back to my place to watch a movie and get to the car - uh oh a stick shift. Adonis there couldn't swing a bat or drive a stick. I tried to coax him along but it was hopeless. I was thinking that if he could just get the thing on the road, he would be fine. We never made it out of the parking lot. We spent two hours walking around campus in the cold before I felt reasonably able to drive. I barely slowed down dropping him off at his apartment.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-02-19 14:02:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes...
He took
IT
OUT
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:44:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have never watched any of the Godfathers, and I've read every Harry Potter.
Am I not a man?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nope. You're a she-male at best.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:54:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Street Fighter 3 Biatch!!!
...Acclaim did make street fighter, right?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zod is kickin' game like Acclaim.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:39:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi, my name is Matt Right.
Now... i hear you've been looking for Mister Right..."
+2 to that pick up line.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, poor Kwisten.
Sorry to hear this, babe. Didn't we have this discussion about nice guys? I told you...i'm the only one that deserves you! Let's not beat around the bush anymore. True love is true love, and you can't deny it. I'd love you even if your panties did smell like vinegar. Besides, thats why God invented Cinnamon Altoids.
On another note, since you're KO'd your AOL account, if you want i'll get that chat thing on Yahoo. For you, babe. ;0) But you have to come on and tell me how to get it first. So ttyl!
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Yukon, Oklahoma.
I've been there. Your date sucked, indeed.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did he drive a big truck? From my experience guys who lift their trucks have small penises.
Matt, you crack me up. Do you use that as a pick-up line?
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:39:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi, my name is Matt Right.
Now... i hear you've been looking for Mister Right...
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
as far as i'm aware, the ACTUAL nice guys dont show off as much, cuz they're so used to being nice, that it seems weird to proclaim it.
like me. <sniff>
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh you poor thing... Why is it that whenever guys do stupid things like this, we think "OH MY GOD" but yet we still let them drive us home. Didn't you think, later, "I should have just told him to fuck off and called a cab"?
I had a date a few years back with a guy I worked with... at one point he stopped at a resturant, asked me to wait in the car... said he had to get something from his friend who worked there.
So I waited for 20 minutes.
He comes back and hands me a little piece of paper. I stare at the paper.
Then he says, "It's acid! I've always wanted to have sex while I was tripping!"
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe Kwisten! That would explain why you haven't responded to the e-mail I sent you forever ago! I was starting to think you didn't wuv me anymore. :-( I'll probably call you around 7 my time which I guess is 9 there. You have to tell me about this new odd guy who likes to show you the non-effects of steroids on his penis. hahaha.
:-)
Ewika
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have never watched any of the Godfathers, and I've read every Harry Potter.
Am I not a man?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ewika! What is going on???
I'll be around if you tell me what time you plan on calling. (In Central time, of course, you don't want to talk to a bewildered, confused Kristen.)
I bit the bullet and cancelled my AOL. I feel quite mature now. If you email me, use kristenyte1223.at.yahoo.com otherwise...yeah. I won't get it. :0)
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I use Charmin. =)
-BongZilla
+2 for the pain, the sad thing is I know plenty of guys like this.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Helloooo Kwisten!! Pay attention to me!! ME ME ME!!!
:-P
PHX
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-02-19 08:51:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
what's wrong with garlic?
it's probably nicer than the taste of your cunt, to be frank "
That was fucking gold.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-19 12:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, the garlic thing-If you're going to consume it by the clove, then don't try to be all romantic and lean in to whisper in my ear, because a) I don't want my neck to retain the smell of garlic and b) LORD, it stinks. And shandy, that was funny as hell. My cunt smells like...roses. Or something.
Actually, my roomie is overly concerned with her scent down there and sniffs the crotch of her panties every now and then to make sure it's all on the up and up. I used to make fun of her big time for that, until one day she burst into my room and told me I may have an odor issue myself and that I should check it out. I should have realized right then something was up, but I didn't. She plucked a pair of panties from the top of my hamper and flung them at me.
I took a deep sniff.
Bitter. Acrid. Dirty feet smell.
It was fucking nasty.
She had soaked the crotch of my undies in vinegar the night before and blow dried them dry. God, they stunk. But for a minute, I was very worried.
And that reminds me...my turn to punk her.
Submitted by Whiskey_Sour (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea, real men don't wipe their ass with Aloe toilet paper.
I use leaves from around the yard to wipe my ass. Sometimes
I just use my hand.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is funny. Seriously, you would all laugh at the picture in my mind. I am picturing 'Early' from the movie 'Kalifornia', but not as hot as B. Pitt
I cannot WAIT to start dating again! I am going to seek out clumsy, awkward, tactless, stupid girls just so I can write about them on here. It's going to be very fun.
Oh, I'll be the date from hell that cries the whole time and gets sauce on his shirt even when he's not eating a food with sauce. Then I'll get beat up and shoved in a dumpster next to Scott Weiland.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This might strike some of you as just plain crazy, but I don't date that often.
The only crazy story I have to relate is the time my buddy picked up a girl on the last day of class in the first year of University. Their big bonding moment was sharing a spot of public urination behind a car at the train station. Good times. At least it was funny watching a drunk chick try to squat behind an 89 tempo while Dave was laughing and draining on a chain link fence.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**And what would possess a nice guy to write, "I wish my girlfriend was this dirty" on a filthy, circa 1980's Wagoneer with fake wood paneling?>>
Heh. I've done that, but...not on a date.
On the other side of the coin, I went out with this girl last Monday. We had a good time, we had a lot in common, seemed like we really hit off. I say, can I see you again, and she says she'd like that and gives me her number. It's been a week-and-a-half, I've left two messages, and nothing.
I mean, if she don't want to go out again thats fine. I knew her for a grand total of about 2 1/2 hours, so her absence is unlikely to cause a giant gaping hole in my soul, but I'd at least like to know why. Besides, it's rude to just leave someone hanging like that.
Submitted by StrangeDos (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:25:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Since when has the "nice" guy been so eager to prove his penis withstood the effects of steroids that he whips it out in the parking lot?"
You're so right...the "nice guy" would have shown you when he picked you up. This guy's a chump.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I keep my Harry Potter books and DVDs in front of the Godfather. I'm damn proud of it too.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:20:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"And what would possess a nice guy to write, "I wish my girlfriend was this dirty" on a filthy, circa 1980's Wagoneer with fake wood paneling?"
Wow..... I'm soooo sorry!! I have to tell you though, what was written is pretty funny though!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that sux
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen that's horrible. I've had some pretty bad dates...one in fact that may be a runner's up to this one but I don't have time to tell you about it...haha but this made me feel better about it!
There's no such thing as the "nice guy" anymore. Every "nice guy" I've gone out with had some strange issue and turned out to be a bigger prick than the average guy or asshole. They're just a little more tricky about it b/c you aren't prepared for it!
;-)
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, no Kristen!! He just whipped it out in the parking lot? Oh Jesus, I would've just walked away. I would've been like, "Bye. I'm calling a friend or walking home. This date is over."
This isn't about the cute younger guy, is it? I hope not....
Are you going to be around tonight? I need to call you for some advice. :-\
:-)
Ewika
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-19 10:26:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen, Erika, and Steve: For future reference, I may not be online the next couple of nights. Ever since I moved back home(big mistake), my mother and step-dad have been fighting nonstop. So, my mom decided yesterday that we're moving. This doesn't bother me much because I'll be going to Japan within a few short months, so it's only temporary. Anyway, I should be back online with the next couple days.
-Sideburns
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-19 10:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sideburns comment made me laugh
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-19 10:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! I knew that Zod was a shady character behind that nice guy facade he
portrays! That umm is who you are talking about right?
Submitted by athena <nathan> at 2004-02-19 10:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dont worry Kristen I too am waiting
and waiting and waiting for that "Movie Perfect"
guy although since I haven't had sex since December
I am starting to think that almost any guy would do.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen,
I do apologize for the date. Garlic has this weird effect on me in large portions. After the date, I realized that I hadn't won you over, so I did the only logical thing a guy would..
I pulled my penis out.
Be happy I didn't stick my tongue in your ear.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:50:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Eheheh, nice guys are pervs...
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tonight I went out with who I thought was the "nice" guy. The kind that irons his own clothes, secretly keeps his Harry Potter DVDs behind this Godfather box set, and buys Cottonelle with Ripples and Aloe toilet paper.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thats where i realized there was a problem.
Get a real man for God's Sake. A real man does have Aloe fucking toilet paper.
As for bad dates, just check out my internet dating nightmare posts. Bad stuff.
Submitted by Papajoe (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Talk about Jackle/Hyde complex.
Anyway, my worst date happened back in the early days of college. It was Haloween, and I went to a costume party with my date. She dressed in this homemade costume that was really slick. It looked like a roman suit of armor.(She called it a Valkerye outfit) To compliment her costume I wore a Toga, the full Ceaser getup. Anyway, while at the party, she decided to drink way beyond what she could handle, ended up stumbling over to me, puking all over me, then tripping, falling over and her metal costume snagged mine ripping off my toga and exposing my smiley face boxers to everyone at the party. Between being half naked, and trying to drag a drunk, unconscious girl wearing a suit of armor out to my car, while I was still half covered in vomit made for the worst date of my life.
At least she didn't eat garlic though.
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If my date whiped her penis out in the car park I would be very confused/frightened.
I would also have to ask her where the hell she got that from and when she was planning on telling me about it.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Garlic rules, so I wanted to bitch about that, but I laughed my ass off. +2 because I pity your date.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shay has no reason to -2 this three times.
once is enough if you don't like it.
3 times sounds like a grudge. What'd Kristen do, steal your internet boyfriend?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn.... i'm sorry. i've been on some bad dates, but jesus christ.
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen, seriously! You're complaining for nothing! You're too demanding. It can't be "Movie perfect". If he likes garlic and you don't, that's another story. But you can't blame him for liking it. I agree that wiping out his penis in the parking lot was not really... gentlemen, though he might have thought you would have liked the thrill. You have to agree that sometimes, woman aren't easy to read either. If he's as nice as your saying but are so fast to judge him, maybe you need a break from the dating game.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-02-19 08:58:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You prayed? Oh wait, that says "GOD" not "GODCHICKEN"
well, if you end up being an evil, man-hating bitch, can we still go for a grudge fuck?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-02-19 08:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sucks about the date. Did he have a lot to drink at dinner or something? That's the only reason I could see for the 'nice' guy to act so strangely.
OK, a bad date, here goes: It was actually around this time last year when I lived in Boston. Well, you see I've always been one to do my damndest to get a date on Valentines. I don't know why, but I like to have company on that night even if it's only for dinner. So, a couple of weeks before the day I of course turned to the internet to find myself an available lady. Well, I did find someone, and we started exchanging emails and then talked on the phone and finally met. She seemed pretty cool if maybe a little rought around the edges, and we arranged everything for the day.
I really should have gotten to know her better.
I ended up taking her to a rather nice/fancy restaurant because I like to make a good impression, and I also like good food. I don't think that this girl had been to anyplace nicer than TGI Friday's before and she made it overwelmingly apparent. Talking loudly with a mouth fully of have eaten food. Picking up food with here hands. Making really crude jokes loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear and even thought throwing a little food would be funny. Finally, her grand finale involved dropping a bun on the ground, then picking it up and putting it straight in her mouth. This 'lady was 25.
I dropped her off at the end of the night without a kiss or even a hug goodnight.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-02-19 08:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what's wrong with garlic?
it's probably nicer than the taste of your cunt, to be frank
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-02-19 07:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have gobbled his knob for him.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-19 06:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You shoulda gone out with me. I woulda given you the ride..... erm.... time of your life!
Submitted by Freeman at 2004-02-19 05:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes the testosterone builds up and we just have to let it out. I think you should give the guy another chance.