Hell in a grocery basket. (804 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by K.M (View user info) at 2004-02-20 22:14:46 EST
My favorite part of the day, gentle readers, is when I walk, first from the Butcher room where I work, through the loading dock doors, and upstairs to the cloak room to get my jacket.
I am on my smoke break.
The music filters its way past the humming of the decrepit fans.
"Aruba.... Jamaica..... ooo I wanna take ya .....Bermuda.... Bahama.... come on pretty mama .....Key Largo.... Montego.... baby why don't we go .....ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo"
As I walk back down the stairs, I recall a moment of my childhood. My since long lost best friend's father is explaining something to me.
"You see, kokomo never really existed. The beach boys just made that up for the song, but apparently people were actually calling airlines and tried to book tickets there."
He died of cancer 5 years ago.
As I walk through the flap doors and enter the actual store on my quest for nicotine, I am filled with a grudging admiration for this place. It is too bright, an almost counterfeit luminosity, if you will. As if the high powered flood of light were conducive to ample consumerism. People step this way and that, idly rolling their carts on the same path they have for the last two decades, absent mindedly picking their produce off the shelves. It is a network of zombies.
They know where everything is, but they ask for help anyway.
They need to, in order to quell their suspicions that this place is an autonomous, sentient entity, completely free from human supervision. It is too neat to be human. It is as if they are trapped in some maze of falseness, some multi aisled box, just begging them to participate. Here, have some Doritos, it won't make you any fatter. Hey, have you checked out the sale on the pork chops? Yeah, it's completely fantastic. That celery looks really green, today. I think I will grab some. Oh shit, butter for 3.99? Into the cart you go, motherfucker.
Swipe goes the punch card.
The parking lot is completely filled. There must be four hundred people in the store, and there must be at least twenty in the lot alone. And as I sit outside on the frozen lawn chair, gentle readers, smoking my cigarette and gazing over the parking lot, something beautiful happens.
A plane soars gracefully overhead.
First, there is a brilliant flash of light, a brilliance of such magnitude that I am almost completely blinded by its sheer whiteness. People drop their bags, shocked. There is no such thing as noise, no such thing as time, and no such thing as future.
Then, there is the impact, of course. The cars are melted into swimming pools of silver and black blood. The people are incinerated instantly, their freshly picked produce obliterated, sent with them to hell. The store itself, behind me, is gutted. First, its outer shell sizzles, cracks, and buckles under the heat and wind. Then it evaporates, exposing those therein to the harsh reality of a nuclear carnival. Aisle by aisle, each little can of processed goods explodes, as well as every citizen within a 10 mile radius. The store ceases to exist, and I laugh loudly, deliriously, at being able only to have witnessed it before I myself am evaporated in a whirlwind of heat and death.
A monstrosity of a mushroom cloud hangs gracefully overhead.
I butt out my cigarette and step back inside.
User Reviews
Submitted by virgil (user info) at 2004-02-21 12:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
buh....
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-02-21 01:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-21 00:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry but this was funny:
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Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-20 23:41:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
"I have a cabbit. For those of you who are unfamiliar, cabbits are mix of cats and rabbits. I have a plush cabbit from the show Tenchi Muyo! and people keep thinking it is a dog. I tell them again and again that it's a cabbit. GROWL. Usually when people act like this I bite them."
- Draconian King.
Fuck You.
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I remember that guy. H-h-he GROWLED.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-21 00:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-20 23:41:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I have a cabbit. For those of you who are unfamiliar, cabbits are mix of cats and rabbits. I have a plush cabbit from the show Tenchi Muyo! and people keep thinking it is a dog. I tell them again and again that it's a cabbit. GROWL. Usually when people act like this I bite them."
- Draconian King.
Fuck You.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-02-20 23:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Umm...I was waiting for it be to be funny or interesting and it never happened.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-02-20 22:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's nice.