How Alcohol Turned My Life Around (677 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Isaac Zeccs (View user info) at 2004-02-23 05:08:48 EST
For as long as i can remember, i've felt cheated at life because i have no special gift. It has always been a dream of mine to be a prodigy at something. To have a force in my life so strong that it consumes me, that it is my calling, my passion. But as much as i wanted to be enveloped in something that i loved, i didn't know what i loved. A young child with no aspirations of higher things looks forward to direction, and because i was so indifferent to life, i felt my life needed to change.
There are defining moments in your life that forever change the way you think. I've always believed this. I craved this. Always thought that these moments would occur only at some major junction in my life; the loss of a close friend, near death experience, true love, something significant.
I had associated these things with trauma, but after my parents divorce, i was the exact same person that i had always been. I had gained no fire, no passion. I associated these things with pain, but after both my sister and my father attempted suicide, i was still the same old isaac. I had no new concept of the preciousness of life and no calling. Even after my mother's cancer, i was relatively unchanged. Drugs, depression, heartbreak; all made me feel like i wasn't ever going to be the same again. Then i sobered up, or looked up, or gave up, and i was once again as i had been before. I was still lost at sea.
After years of this, all the while watching friends grow into the roles that they seemed destined for, i began to accept that i wasn't unique. I was just the filler of the human race that made these other people seem so extraordinary. I guess you could say that i had low self esteem. Well actually, it went far beyond that, i hated myself.
Then, after a party one night, while everyone else had already gone to bed, and i was still up, nursing my insomnia with alcohol, my moment came. I was smoking cigarettes and thinking about the world and life, as i tend to do when i can't sleep. I found a Dire Straits tape on the kitchen counter, and decided that the Dire Straits ruled, so i put it in. There i sat, transfixed by booze and guitar, until i heard someone close the door behind me.
It was one of those people i envied. A beautiful girl who had been a high school soccer and track champion. She was going to Yale in the fall. Vanessa was one of those people who had a gift.
"What the hell are you doing up this late isaac?"
"Explaining the universe. What the hell are you doing?" (I would never have said that to this girl had i been sober. I had always been too nervous around her to even make small talk.)
"I couldn't sleep"
"It's kind of lonely at 6:00 in the morning... I can keep you company if you want." (Also something i probably never would have said)
"Alright. Give me a pull of that, and tell me about the universe."
So we sat there for hours talking about music, video games, philosophy, books, anything there was to talk about. I, being drunkenly self confident, ended up telling her about how envious i was of her. She told me about how much she hated soccer and track, and about how she didn't want to go to Yale. It was then that three things happened.
-I realized that she was no different from me, that she didn't have a passion for sports. She didn't love sports at all. It was just something she did, but hated, like so many things that i had done but hated, and had now given up.
-She kissed me, and told me that i wasn't like other guys.
-Her boyfriend opened the door to the kitchen, and moments later, punched me in the face, dislocating my jaw.
Of all the things that have changed me over the course of my life, these three were probably the biggest. Not only did i learn to love myself for who i was, and not envy people for what they were; i learned that people are assholes, and that they will punch you in the face if you kiss their girlfriends. (I didn't know she had a boyfriend at the time) I haven't done that since.
Because of that day, i have come to grips with my drifter status. I still don't have direction in my life, but i figure going nowhere is better than going the wrong way and getting lost. Besides, to go somewhere you need to work hard, but to go nowhere, you don't have to do jack shit. I'm not going to work hard to become something i don't want to become. And as i am now aware of how i came to these conclusions, and how these conclusions changed me, i must give my respect to alcohol.
Yes, thank you alcohol. As so many before me, you helped me discover the truth about life. Because of you, i am more confident, no longer suffer from low self esteem, and gained to ability to attract beautiful women. Alcohol, to you i am forever grateful.
-Isaac Zeccs
User Reviews
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-03-05 01:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have had many similar experiences with mind altering substances. But I've never had my jaw dislocated.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-02-29 23:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2004-02-26 07:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not going to work hard to become something i don't want to become.
Thank You.
That just put alot of things into perspective for me.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-02-24 23:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've liked everything you've written. I hope to be able to write as openly and as honestly as you do. Hell, to be able to think as openly and honestly as you write would be good enough for me. I often get phrases you write stuck in my head, like "Going no where is better than going the wrong way and getting lost." and "The walls of this house are so paper thin that i often her long periods of silence coming from the other rooms." (That last one was from memory, and I read that the day you posted it.)
Keep up the good work. +2
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cal, i talked to a public defendant yesterday, you're WRONG. In my state (washington), unless you want to go to an INPATIENT recovery center for a while (not an option), you are ineligable for federal financial aid for 24-36 months, because of a policy of my state known as record probation. Seeing as i am more than halfway through my second year of college, those 24-36 months pretty much put me out of money for the next two.
Not to worry though, my lawer says that there is no way that i will be convicted of this, seeing as my property was stolen, and recovered with drugs in it. She says, at most, i will have to pay a fine.
It's a good day for isaac, too bad my ribs are still fucking cracked. Damn cars.
+2 to myself for not being screwed.
Submitted by dyerbm (user info) at 2004-02-23 15:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't researched your past post's and I could care less. This post is good. Fuck those muther fuckers that -2 you out of spite.
Submitted by Cal (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't argue w/ love for alcohol.
On an unrelated note, have you had a chance to figure out that a drug conviction won't make you ineligible for aid permanently?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25475
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-23 13:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe no one's said it..."To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems!"
I'm not actually endorsing using alcohol as a cure-all, but sometimes drunken episodes can be incredibly honest and introspective. You have to take 'em where you can get 'em.
Submitted by Evilia (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Here, here, Issac!!
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice. Reminded me of a similar experience back in 9th grade...1986? '87?
I like the way you write.
Submitted by joe <jo.at.kll.com> at 2004-02-23 11:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
As a recovering alcoholic, i can say that thanking alcohol is akin to thanking the devil. You'd better lose that attitude quickly or you're screwed dude.
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2004-02-23 08:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-23 08:46:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sultans of Swing
Submitted by Wave_Rider_Cafe (user info) at 2004-02-23 07:23:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it. Wish something similar would happen to me, though without the dislocation and all. I allready know a lot of people like that.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-23 06:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe you should be banned, A-HOLE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2004-02-23 05:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart was supposed to ban that guy but for some reason pussied out. Be careful with that alcohol, dude... it's counterproductive after a while. Best of luck...
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-23 05:23:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't get it.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-23 05:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU ARE A HOMO. AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES, THERE IS ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT.