Onwards and where? (359 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.5 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by drky <drky.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-23 09:25:53 EST
Where am i?
Skip back one year... I'm sitting in my living room staring blankly forward. I've just been dumped by my first love, the only proper relationship in my life so far, four years we were together, then she went to uni. I supported her throughout and we survived for almost two years. Eventually the distance, along with the 'other' guy, became too much. I was devastated, broken and totally unable to see forwards at all.
I was over £2000 in debt due to spending too much money on drink and drugs, and in no situation to be sort myself out. I spent about two months getting drunk every day and had been stoned pretty much permanently since the age of 15. She'd left me and the reality of my life had hit me hard and i didn't know how to get out.
The last time i'd been single i was 16, living at home with my parents and was still going to college. I was a far, far cry from being grown up.
Suddenly, i was single, adult, in debt, living by myself and fucked up mentally from drinking and smoking too much while of an unstable state of mind.
Basically i sucked at life.
However, i also got hit right in the face by that fact! I sucked at life! I needed to sort myself and i needed to change.
My friends were all amazing at that point, they put up with my continual self pity, they dragged me home and put me in bed when i got drunk and passed out in town. They pushed me forwards and built me back up as much as they could without me actually helping myself.
Eventually i started helping myself. I stopped going out, i stopped drinking for a while, i started paying more than i could really afford to pay on outstanding debts, i came clean to my parents and told them i'd fucked up and that i needed help. I borrowed a little money, not enough to sort everything out, but enough so that i could if i really did everything properly. I lost a bit of weight, gained a bit of confidence. I managed to pay off debts at a slightly faster rate than they needed to be and they started dropping. Then i had some major family shit. My parents almost split up, i don't doubt that i contributed to some of the stress leading up to this yet i was definately not the main cause. Suddenly the last two people i had to turn to and who i'd always thought would be a stable 'save point' in my life, were both coming to me seperately, both looking to me help sort them out and support them.
It was hard and it broke me again to see the two people i loved most in the world hurt so much. It also taught me alot about us and myself.
It taught me that we never learn, no matter how old we get, we never always manage to do the right thing. It taught me that whatever life was gonna throw at me, that at the end of the day, i could get through it and when it came down to it, i was the one i had to look after.
Back to now... I'm 21 i've paid off almost all my debts - all except a tiny bit to my parents. I have my own house(albeit rented but fully paid for, soon to be nicely decorated, AND very tidy these days) that i love, i have a family i love and support as much as i can. I don't drink anywhere near as much, i don't smoke or take anything else particularly often. I've held down a good job for five years and have good career prospects and ultimately ... i'm happy!
Question is now...
Where am i going?
User Reviews
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-23 12:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh stop it, you two stupid jerkbrains.
Congratulations!
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2004-02-23 09:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What 'cha gonna do?
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-23 09:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why don't you march your worthless ass over to a gas station, douse your fat, lazy ass in regular unleaded, and then give me a call and remind me to bring matches?