Beware the Clitoris Ring (115683 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.87 on 83 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2004-02-23 10:10:07 EST
I was grinding against her, but that wasn't enough. She lifted her leg into me, bringing me dangerously close to a premature explosion. Curling her fingers underneath my shirt, she lifted and pulled it off.
"So," I grinned, "That's how you want it, is it?"
She moaned. I kissed down her neck and helped her finish what she had started. Soon, no clothing could be found on either of us and we both seemed to like it that way.
Moving my way down her neck, chest, and stomach, I reached her holiest of holies, and what a hole it was. Ripe and ready, I prepared myself for a deliciously sensual snack.
As I moved in for the kill, I noticed that a tiny, horseshoe-curved, golden bar punctuated her center of ecstasy with a little ball on either end--she had a clit ring.
"You have a clit ring," I whispered excitedly.
She picked her head up and looked down at me. "Be gentle, but play around with it."
Not being one to disappoint a lady, I went to work--pushing it up, pushing it down, pushing it all around.
She yelped, slammed her hands on the bed, and gripped it viciously. I pulled away. "What's wrong?"
She growled. "What're you doing? Don't stop!"
"Yes, ma'am."
A clit ring truly seems to cause an increase in stimulation. Never have I heard someone yell with such enthusiasm and joy during a sexual act. Her head thrashed around, her back arched, and her legs tensed. I thought she'd orgasm at least fifty times before the night was over.
That was, of course, until the unimaginable happened.
"Uh, waip--" I began.
"Huh? What the hell's the problem?"
"My woung--my woung ich kaup ih yor wing."
"Your tongue--your tongue is caught--where?"
Having twisted my tongue through her ring, I had pushed it in much too far to easily pull out.
She sat up. I yelled, "Woh! Woh! Wep me kwist awoun."
"What? I can't understand you!"
"Ah haff to kwist awoun."
I began twisting around so that my tongue would at least be oriented the right way. She pounded her hands on my lower back. "What the hell do you think you're doing? I don't want your ass in my face!"
Suddenly incensed, I yanked her ring lightly with my tongue. She jumped. "Ow! What the hell are you doing down there? Get back to where you were before. Let me see."
"Ah tink dat we shou--"
"Twist back around, damn it!"
Slowly, I placed myself back into the first position. She sat up slowly, looked down, and groaned. "How the hell did you do that? What were you thinking?"
"Ah tink yuh shud starr bing nas to me."
"I am being nice to you, now get the fuck out of my ring."
I pulled it again, and again she yelled. "Ow! Fuck, what the hell are you doing? I should've known that this would be a disaster. What were you thinking?"
"Waip! Ah haff ang idea."
"Well, now's the time if you have an idea."
I put one hand just above her nether regions and pressed down while I lightly rocked my tongue back and forth, hoping to free a little of it at a time.
A little less than half of it was out when she spoke again. "What are you doing? That feels weird. Stop it."
"Am almost owp."
"You're almost out? Well, keep going but stop doing whatever you were doing. It felt funny."
Deciding to ignore her, I continued to pull out gently, sliding back and forth to lubricate my escape. It was working, and I imagined myself free from the vagina of doom.
She slapped the back of my head. "What the hell are you doing? That shit feels funny, now cut it out!"
If there's one thing I hate more than being stuck in a clit ring, it's being stuck in a sadistic bitch's clit ring. All I wanted was to escape, go home, turn on Cartoon Network, and have some hot chocolate.
Pausing for a moment to collect my thoughts, I settled gingerly into a more comfortable position. She whined, "I just want you out of there. That's all. You can't just get out? Just get out!"
She hopped onto her knees and pulled away as hard as she could.
The moral: Make sure that whomever does your clitoral piercing does it well enough to prevent certain things from tearing, certain people from being brought to the hospital, and certain relationships from ending as a result.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, blast from the past.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-10 21:37:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A good friend of mine has a very similar tale to tell, involving stitches.
Ow.
OWWWW.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-10 21:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard, I peed a little. But seriously, what is this "clitoris" of which you speak?
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2006-07-14 22:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i dont buy it
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88541
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-05-01 16:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*whimpers*
Christ that must have hurt.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-05-01 16:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, homey.
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2005-11-25 14:41:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was sum funny shit. But who's parts got ripped, your tounge, her clit, or both.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-07 12:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-06-20 10:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yummy
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-07 10:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Ah tink yuh shud starr bing nas to me."
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:01:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let this be a lesson to you kids: never give oral sex to women with sloppy clitoral piercings.
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-20 20:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Grin (user info) at 2005-02-04 17:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooooooo
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-12-17 05:57:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently I've never rated this.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-12-17 00:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what the fuck were you doing down there that your TONGUE got stuck in a HORSESHOE ring? How big was that thing? After my ex got his tongue stud stuck in my captive ball ring, I went to a horseshoe and never had another problem
Submitted by goleafsgo (user info) at 2004-12-08 19:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jas <sed.at.yaho.com> at 2004-05-04 08:20:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha, thats what this bitch gets, if she was talking like that to me like she did to u, i would have ripped it out and not taken her to the hohspital, and probably turned her around and put it in her ass
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What he said.
Submitted by Cat_Lady <Cat_Lady_Ice.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-07 06:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bow to your greatness!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Griff <fxworth54.at.aol.com> at 2004-10-05 15:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He should have ripped that fucking ring out of that stupid bitch.
Submitted by moose_mcgranahan (user info) at 2004-09-21 15:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfection tastes like this post.
Submitted by apple_tush (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyed this immensely, although as of yet no-one's ever been caught in mine.
+2 though for mentioning hot chocolate!!!
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-08-20 05:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...best thing to do the ring is this: after you've indulged in the grand imporculato, and she's fallen into a luxurious, satiated post-coital slumber....sneak off into the hall closet and grab your fishing pole. Tie a good knot with 25 lb mono-filament line to the twat lure, and wearing your finest Orvis fly fishing vest, turn on the light, strike a pose, and wake the fuckin unconscious flounder up.....she probably smells like low tide anyway.
Submitted by kevin <lizzard_37.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-10 02:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG that has to be the best story ive heard in a long time and a +2 for some of those comments
Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-07-23 13:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are a legend
Submitted by savethepunks (user info) at 2004-07-17 16:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
totally boss
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-17 15:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll think of something witty to put here when I stop wincing.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-17 15:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-07-12 13:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good goddamn. i had my nipple rings pulled on (when i still had nipple rings) and i can't even imagine anything more sensitive being 'hurt'
she clearly wasn't using her head. dumb bitch probably got what she deserved, but thanks for sparing the finer details.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-07-07 03:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAhahahahahaha!
Love,
Peepoepoewitz
Submitted by Mr_Insanity (user info) at 2004-06-07 14:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... YES!
(just about all I can think right now)
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-01 15:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
does that mean you are single now? hmmm...?
i heard that eating out a chick with a
clit ring was like biting a fork...
Submitted by jboogz (user info) at 2004-06-01 15:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"imagine myself free from the vagina of doom"
4 or 5 drops of pee squirted out becuase i was laughing so hard
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-05-27 15:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-05-09 21:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-05-09 00:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny ass shit.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-04 23:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. Totally lame. Sorry...but as a piercer...I find this VERY freakin' hard to believe. But if that honestly was the case...shes a dumb bitch.
Submitted by revo at 2004-05-04 17:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by bluerampage2 (user info) at 2004-05-04 08:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by jas <sed.at.yaho.com> at 2004-05-04 08:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha, thats what this bitch gets, if she was talking like that to me like she did to u, i would have ripped it out and not taken her to the hohspital, and probably turned her around and put it in her ass
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-04-21 17:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...you wish
or maybe not...
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2004-04-07 03:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"All I wanted was to escape, go home, turn on Cartoon Network, and have some hot chocolate. "
Rolling
on
Floor
Laughing
So true!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-01 10:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-01 10:05:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by Wave_Rider_Cafe (user info) at 2004-02-29 09:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the plus two is because my recent experience ruled, but yours ended up sucking and I can't email you hot chocolate or mac and cheese.
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-02-27 11:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should've had Fabio pose for the cover of this one.
Submitted by moxie (user info) at 2004-02-24 16:00:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I was gonna be the only one who thought it looked like a smiley...
kick ass.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-24 02:56:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The picture looks kind of like a Ü
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-23 23:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm speechless.
i mean, it did kinda turn me on...
but i really don't know what else to say about it, so have a +2. ok, i admit it- despite the fact that everyone knows body modifications are not exactly aesthetically pleasing to me, i think i would like to try this clit piercing oral sex thing...
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-23 22:06:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice work if you can get it
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:51:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Khli wings uhr weuhd.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a loser. This post is orgasm-inducing, and deserves nothing less than a plus twooohhhhhhh.
Submitted by distressedjester (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by Ace (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In all honesty, I founf this only mildy amusing.
And I'm also not totally convinced that this really happened.
I mean, she said "that feels funny" too many times and it was just weird.
Ya damn skippy.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:53:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You got some sort of lizard tongue or something?
Clit rings are tiny.
Submitted by Dragon (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't think of a better position I'd rather be stuck in.....
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I vote B@W too.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-02-23 17:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-02-23 17:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man oh man oh man! Bored At Work!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-23 16:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. There are just some times when no snide comment is adequate.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-02-23 15:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
could have been worse...
could have gotten your tongue piercing stuck through hers...
(although we were able to unscrew my tongue bolt and got it free)
-+turtle+-
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W ?
Submitted by memnoch (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh.
"My woung--my woung ich kaup ih yor wing."
classic
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-02-23 13:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another pierced body part disaster. yuck
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-23 13:17:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds both annoying and painful. Ugh, sorry man.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-23 12:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this another J-Date disaster?
Submitted by Shirkinparkin (user info) at 2004-02-23 12:47:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just.....great.
Imagine having to call the ambulance to get your tongue removed.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-02-23 12:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-02-23 12:38:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.... you definitely get yourself into some errr.. tight situations
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-23 12:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy cow.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved the dialogue, but man... the visuals were too much for me. Why in the world would she just get up like that? *ouch
Submitted by pizzahut (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet the chick was a fat chick. You seem to be the sort of person who would date a fat chick.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesomeness.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:17:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The clit piercing video:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/18448
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aww i'm sorry i divulged too much info. this story is just so personal to me!
i'd say i'm emotionally involved, too!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-02-23 11:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:17:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel so bad for you!
that never happened to anyone who went down on me, then again i never had one of those rings. i always had either a full hoop or the curved barbell that doesn't make a horseshoe.
i was actually thinking about getting mine repierced after taking it out last year. now i might reconsider that after reading this!
-Michelle
===============================
This is wayyy more than we needed to know. but +2 anyhow. hah!
RB is smiling like a chesshire cat from reading that, I'm sure.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do you have tongue ring? how'd it get caught? I'm emotionally invested in this sotry!
Will
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Lord.
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhahaahahahah.
Right
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:42:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my.... Oh..... my.....
I like the speech when you had your tongue stuck by the way. That was gold hun, pure gold.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So her...what...ripped?
You're the man JMG.
"Ah tink yuh shud starr bing nas to me."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My girlfriend has been conteplating getting a clit ring for a while.
Then she saw the video of the clit piercing posted on here a while back.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was pretty shit
Submitted by Lisa at 2004-02-23 10:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh, turned me on, and caused me to feel pity.
You're the master, J.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel so bad for you!
that never happened to anyone who went down on me, then again i never had one of those rings. i always had either a full hoop or the curved barbell that doesn't make a horseshoe.
i was actually thinking about getting mine repierced after taking it out last year. now i might reconsider that after reading this!
-Michelle
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm speechless.
nice work, rendering me speechless is no small feat
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2004-02-23 10:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. You can be my loveslave anytime.