Life as a Popsicle (671 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.22 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Azriel (View user info) at 2004-02-23 13:57:38 EST
I have a big dick.
Some of you would say I am blessed but I assure you, it's more of a burden then an institution. Here's why it's a burden:
• I cannot sit down and read while I take a dump. I need to have both of my hands free to hold me a little higher on the toilette seat or else it will dangle in the water, in the cooooold cooooold water.
• One of my best friends said to me last week: "To tell you the truth Frank, since I've seen your dick, I'm shy to undress in front of the ladies. Mine is minuscule in comparison." My answer is always the same, some of the ladies like it big, some don't. And if you want to know why a friend of mine saw my dick ... well, this is another story.
• I need to put my penis on my shoulder when getting out of the shower or else I'll kill myself stepping on it.
• Last time I went to the public pool, my dick was hanging out of my shorts. I was walking around the pool, trying to pickup chicks when I heard the lifeguard's whistle. I turned around to check what was happening but by doing so my penis smacked the back of a little boy's head. He fell head first on the pavement and into the pool. He almost drowned. Since then, they've put signs all over the city prohibiting me to wear shorts.
• I can give myself a head. Some of you will say: "Hey, this is GREAT". Well... yeah, sometimes.
• Can't check up porn while at work. Can you imagine the bulge?
• You need 20 minutes to put a condom on. Just enough time to lose your erection, then stress because you think it will never come back, it doesn't so the condom falls off, the lady gets impatient, you go in the bathroom to try and compose yourself, can't, stress some more then give up.
• I can't get a deepthroat or else I'll be charged with attempted murder with a blunt weapon.
• I can do porn movies...humpf!
• I cannot date midgets. Well okay, this is a plus.
• I cannot have anal sex else then with a whore.
• People tend to think the bulge is due to my wallet. If I have an adventurous lady trying to grab my wallet, she might be surprised.
So next time, when someone brags about how big his dick is, he's or a fake or a porn star.
User Reviews
Submitted by DaJerk (user info) at 2004-10-11 19:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sad , very sad . Many would give both testicles , a left hand (leaving the right to jerk what left of it ) and their first born to have what you appearently call a slight disability ... sad
Submitted by Dragon (user info) at 2004-02-23 23:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" Well... yeah, sometimes."
Sorry, it made me laugh....
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-02-23 23:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanx lacy. Now as for your questioning, no one will ever know for sure. ;)
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:51:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
gargamel was the evil guy in the smurfs. duh.
and i liked the shoulder comment.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-23 16:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
at first i liked it because it seemed truthful but then you got ridiculous. i thought you might have really had a big penis but now i'm not sure.
anyway, did im ention i like your user name! i liked the smurfs!!!
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-23 16:19:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, I admit it... cracked a couple grins.
Submitted by Raymond (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by Suzza (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by memnoch (user info) at 2004-02-23 14:04:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny, but he's "or a fake".