Fuck alarm clocks (729 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.8 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andras (View user info) at 2004-02-23 17:11:20 EST
A couple of days ago I landed a job I really wanted. I was employed in the coolest of record stores. Lots of people bought there, so commissions wouldn't be a problem, when you wanted to buy a record you could listen to it first, then buy it if you liked it. the salespeople could put on whatever they wanted to hear until a costumer asked to hear a record or asked to turn the volume down. They carried everything, from Beethoven to the Beatles going through Paco de Lucia and Darkthrone.
It was good, I had wanted to work there for a while and when I went to get interviewed the store's owner wasn't there so I got interviewed by this assistant manager who was really nice, and I landed the job.
The first day, I really wanted to make a good impression by arriving early, and to do this I set my alarm clock 30 minutes ahead of time, so I would wake up early and get to the record store before the owner himself.
I really shouldn't have done that.
In the middle of the night some dogs started fighting in my backyard and woke me up, so I had to go kick those goddamn little bastards out of the place. When I got there I realized that the cats weren't fighting anymore. They were copulating. That explained their sudden silence. Well, I proceeded to "pry" them apart, because after all they had woken me up and I was really pissed because of that. The thing is, when I finally succeeded in separating them, the dog, for some goddamned reason ejaculated, which resulted in the walls of my backyard, and myself, being covered in dog jism.
"fucking disguting piece of crap!!"- I shouted at the top of my lungs and proceeded to dropkick the dog. The dog got extremely pissed. I ran like a motherfucker, and barely got into my house before the dog bit me. it was 3 am, and I found myself taking a bath to get rid of the dog's semen. I went to bet at around 3:30 am.
In the morning the alarm clock (I had completely forgot about the fact that it was set 30 minutes ahead) went off, and I got up extremely groggy. When I saw the clock I panicked. "holy crap I'm late!!!" took a bath as fast as I could, didn't have any breakfast and had a splitting headache.
On the way to work I figured I would at least smoke a cigarette in the car to relax a little, but in one moment when I had to change gears, the cigarette fell out of my mouth and fell in my arm, so I had to park to the side of the road and scream obscenities while I checked out how bad the stupid burn was. After the anger had kind of subsided, I continued my drive to work, pissed off, thinking I was late, with an empty stomach and a cigarette burn that looked like I had some kind of herpes in my arm.
When I got to work, I was about ready to rip the head off of anyone that did the slightest thing to piss me off. As I went into the store, I bumped into some guy, who had a cup of coffee, which spilled all over my shirt, and scalded me. I was, at the very least, expecting an apology, but all the guy said was "clean that up right now".
All I could come up with at that moment was: " who the FUCK died and made you boss you piece of shit?".
Then the guy pointed towards the ceiling and when I looked up I saw a black and white picture of a man who looked like he was in his late sixties, with a caption that said "Gerardo Hernandez senior, founder of Trova (the name of the record store) rest in peace. Then I noticed a smaller picture under the one of the founder: "Gerardo Hernandez junior, owner".
Five minutes later I was driving home, still pissed off, still with an empty stomach, and the same bad-looking burn in my arm, but without a job.
END
User Reviews
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-02-23 22:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:53:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wearing a Darkthrone shirt right now.
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\m/ hell yeah.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wearing a Darkthrone shirt right now.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what kind of record store opens up so early you actually have to set an alarm?
-Turtle
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2004-02-23 17:38:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is this true???
my weekend was worst.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-02-23 17:13:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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