If You Were A Dinosaur, You're Name Would Be Fagasaurus Rex (45527 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.77 on 153 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Catscradle> (View user info) at 2004-02-23 18:22:28 EST
If you clicked on this post expecting to read about homosexual dinosaurs, then you'll probably be dissappointed.
I went to the movies last night expecting to see a movie in relative peace and quiet. I was sadly dissappointed also.
I had barely sat down with my Coke when a flock (Gaggle, herd, whatever) of elderly people came in. Normally, one wouldn't expect much trouble from such a group, but this was different. This group couldn't decide where to sit. Not only that, but they shared the whole discussion with the theater in that really loud whisper that people try to do. Why do people do that anyway? Everyone around can hear anyway, you might as well speak in a normal tone.
"Where should we sit?"
"How about up there?"
"No, I can't make it up there with my hip replacement"
"Down there?"
"No, my neck is too stiff"
"Well, I have to sit close to the door because my bladder has the capacity of one of those new mini coke cans"
"You mean the 8 ounce ones?"
"Yes"
"Then why didn't you just say 8 ounces?"
"What I said sounded better"
"Did you bring the Preparation H this time?"
"Yes Myra."
"Eldridge?"
"Yes love?"
"You shit your pants again, didn't you?"
"Yes Myra."
"God damnit."
Have you ever heard a thorough philosophical discussion expounding on the vices and virtues of where to sit in a movie theater? I hadn't either, before last week.
I guess every decision becomes important when you're old because by the time you're that age, you've already made all the important choices of your life. You already know what career to pick ,where to live, what slore to marry, and what kind of car to drive so the only thing left to debate over is denture brands and life insurance (and where to sit at the movies).
I think that illustrates that freedom of decision is wasted on the young. We take it for GRANTED. I see people all the time making horrible, horrible decisions. There was a guy riding a Harley-Davidson motorcycle today who pulled up to me at a stoplight. He had the whole Harley get-up, the jacket, helmet, sunglasses, everything He also had tassels on his handlebars. That's the decision that got me.
When we were young boys and girls, only the GIRLS had tassels on their handlebars. We made FUN of the boys who put tassels on their handlebars. We even came up with sophisticated insults such as this one:
"If you were a dinosaur, your name would be Fagasaurus Rex."
But then we grew older, and it wasn't cool or funny to insult people by calling them Fagasaurus Rex, and then suddenly it became cool for guys to wear tight leather pants and have tassels on their handlebars. Did I miss a memo?
I think I did. In fact, I know I did. Many things have changed. When I was young, the postman (or envelope technician, as it is now called) would park his truck and WALK from house to house. He would walk down one side, then walk back on the other side to his truck, drive another block, rinse, repeat, and so forth until everyone had Sale papers from the grocery store and various other crap they didn't need (or ask for).
Now, it's different.
This led to a confrontation the other day. When I got home from work, I parked my truck in front of my house. No big deal, right? Wrong. Unbeknownst to myself, I was parked in front of the MAILBOX, which is apparently an EGREGIOUS breach of etiquette these days.
I only found out when my envelope technician pulled up in front of my house.
"You can't park there."
"Where?"
"There, in front of your mailbox."
"Why not?"
"Because you can't."
"It's my truck, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"It's my house, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"I rest my case."
But HE wasn't done.
"You can't block my access."
"Why can't you get out and walk?"
"Because I don't feel like it."
"If you were a dinosaur, your name would be Fagasaurus Rex."
No one FEELS like doing anything today. Everyone is content to believe that their own 1 gigatrillionth of the universe is paramount to the survival and success of the rest of the world. GOD FORBID someone have to WALK. It's not as if the vast majority of Americans have legs or anything. Maybe we should abolish the federal postal service completely, so envelope technicians could WALK to the unemployment office.
But that will never happen.
It will never happen because making it happen would require that a whole bunch of people get off their ass and do something about it, which is about as likely as Vanilla Ice making a comeback.
So we can't fix the FUNDAMENTAL problem. What is the answer now? The next logical step is to make life a living hell for the one person who exhibits the fundamental problem for you, in my case the mailman, which is why I shattered about three glass bottles and left the shards scattered in front of my mailbox.
The even bigger problem though as I see it, is that everyone in society these days has an acute case of BMS, short for Bitch and Moan Syndrome. Everyone. Even me. I'm bitching and moaning about people bitching and moaning.
For example, you can't call the mail man a mail man anymore as I alluded to earlier. You can't call blacks "blacks" - now, they're "pigmentally disadvantaged". (Don't worry too much, you can still call white people "whites") Indians aren't Indians anymore or even Native Americans - now they're Homogenic Pasteurized Indigenous Peoples. Gays are just plain Homo, but you can't call them that, or Fagasaurus Rex for that matter.
It pisses me off.
Everyone has to accommodate for everyone now. Most modern day jumbo jets only seat 4 passengers - JUST IN CASE a morbidly obese blue whale (excuse me, horizontally challenged bi-ped) needs to get on board. The seats MUST be big enough.
"But overweight people deserve to fly too!" you cry.
And I completely agree! But not at the expense of everyone else. I think we should do the same thing with two-seat people that we do with luggage: if it doesn't fit in the seat, check it. And by that I mean if you weigh over 300 pounds, chances are you're flying in the cargo hold next to my suitcase full of soiled undergarments.
"But that's not humane! That's not FAIR!"
Fair Schmair.
Everything has to be fair. Everything has to be equal. Everyone has to have a level playing field. There cannot be a SHRED, there cannot be an OUNCE, there cannot be an IOTA of competition ANYWHERE in ANY segment of the American marketplace or workforce. To hell with competition! We don't want it anymore! Get it out of here! Who needs it?
Nobody does now. We've got guys in wheelchairs getting jobs as search and rescue team members, we've got women being admitted as sperm donors, we've got bald men being pitched in shampoo commercials and WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE BRAILLE AT FAST FOOD DRIVE THROUGHS?!?!?!?1
That never FAILS to piss me off. I pull up to the drive through at McDonalds now, *cackle cackle* Can I help you? Um Yes, my name is Catscradle and I'm blind but I'm also deaf, have no arms, and am a transvestite, can you accommodate me?
*Well, no...
We've got fat people suing McDonalds because their food made them fat, THEN they sue McDonalds again because they GO BACK, and force McDonalds to adjust the width of the drivethrough to ACCOMODATE for the width of the car they now have to drive, a car which they sued Ford to make to ACCOMODATE for their extra wide ASS which they got from cramming their faces with McDonalds in the first place.
Accommodate, Accommodate. If ONE MORE fat person bitches about McDonalds they're going to have to accommodate for my foot in their ass.
I tried to tell one of those jokes the other day. You know the ones that go like this:
"What do you call a man with no legs and no arms who lives in the trunk of your car? Jack!"
But I BARELY finished before I was arrested by a squad of G-Men for my appalling lack of sensitivity to handicapped people. So I'm in jail now.
But wait a second. Shouldn't I be getting assraped by a large black inmate named Bruce right now? Maybe before, but not now! Prisoners have unlimited Computer and Internet Access now to accommodate for their NEEDS.
Needs, needs, needs. I need THIS, I can't live without THAT, I MUST have THIS. Whatever happened to shutting the fuck up and dealing with one's problems? What happened to "Deal With It"? Answer me that. What happened to "shut the fuck up"? What happened to "get off your lazy ass and walk to my mailbox"? Forget about Deal With It folks, Deal With It is GONE. It's like a whole generation of little kids whining at the toystore for the latest commercially produced trend skipped adolescence and went straight to being upstanding leaders of the American populace without ever learning valuable life lessons such as "Life is not fair", "God helps those who help themselves", and "When the going gets tough, the tough get going".
Christ Almighty. You can barely even say Christ Almighty now.
I have to sign off now. Another inmate is here, he needs to get on the Internet. He will use it to look up prison escape plans. He will escape and rape, murder, and pillage your wife, children, dog, and possibly even your goldfish. But don't worry, you can rest assured that he is being treated FAIR to accommodate for his internet needs. Until you are murdered that is.
User Reviews
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-12-12 22:35:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-07-21 18:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this should be on MVM.
I know I have read it numerous times and can't believe that I haven't rated it.
Darko, I know you can do it.
-Dave
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-05-22 21:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still the best title in uber history.
Submitted by Hypnoholic (user info) at 2006-05-22 21:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Omfg, that was awesome ^_^
I agree completely, people whine, bitch, moan, argue, and expect that you believe that the world revolves around them, and only them.
I shall print this, and pass it out to my primitive internet-deprived family.
They will laugh
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-05-04 08:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOO
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-04-30 20:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mjt7420 (user info) at 2004-07-28 14:03:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
This doesn't take balls. This is just a rant, It goes too far. Some good points are made, but it groups together good things and bad things into "being PC." First of all, not having to get out of mail trucks saves time, energy, and taxpayer money. That's progress for God's sake. It probably doesn't deserve the -2, but i did it to offset the bigot factor that seems to be strong here.
---
you're a fucking idiot
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-08 08:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You want to live in a place without fairness? Go live in Saudi Arabia you commie, insurgent, pinko, nazi, fagasaurus rex!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-08 08:29:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny...nice spacing, too.
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2005-11-08 08:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-09-21 21:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've NEVER laughed this much at a Uber post before.
I think this post is the best one I've ever read.
Countdown to some faggot saying: "LOL U HAVENT RED ENUFF THEN LAWL NOOB"
That's right, I said faggot.
Skate it off.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-09-21 21:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, I finally read it. and it was pretty good.
Submitted by jdt (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellente
Submitted by HammetthalenvanSRV (user info) at 2005-03-26 23:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post, but where in the hell would you find a black man named Bruce? Thats a slave name, now Advil, thats a good name
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-03-26 23:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Diskincluded (user info) at 2005-03-26 23:09:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh no! I have a need, and it must be accomodated! I need to have all these politically correct shitheads stomped on with spiked boots!
Remember kids, "intellectually challenged" means you are having difficulty figuring out a difficult mental problem. "Stupid" means you are stupid.
But with the bigger seats and stuff, I have this to say: The seats on trains aren't big enough. I'm in Australia, and the Connex trains have seats that would be great if people didn't have things like, oh say, SHOULDERS. I'm not a fatarse, the seats are just too damn small. When I was 5 years old, they would've been good. But I'm not 5 years old any more.
Submitted by Perzik (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Eldridge?"
"Yes love?"
"You shit your pants again, didn't you?"
"Yes Myra."
"God damnit."
that is just fucking hilarious.
Submitted by PokerIsMyLife (user info) at 2005-03-10 05:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed, I cried, ... and then I clicked on this post.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-31 16:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-01-10 17:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've found the last clue!
Just shoot me the email.
To the right address, though...
(Hint: it's not gmail.)
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:30:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I blame the hippies.
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2004-12-08 15:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Accommodate, Accommodate. If ONE MORE fat person bitches about McDonalds they're going to have to accommodate for my foot in their ass.
*************
bahaha B@W
Submitted by klebe (user info) at 2004-12-05 02:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:03:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing i've read in a while. Probably the most entertaining rant ever. If you were a dinosaur, you would be Asskickingasarus Rex.
-----------------------
for sure
Submitted by FearTheFedora07 (user info) at 2004-12-04 10:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title alone!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-12-01 13:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by 49 <thegreatspekkio.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-06 13:04:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Truth is great.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2004-11-30 23:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is so good im about to hack into ubersite and change the ratings so they go up to 190283476
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-09 01:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you post this on craigslist too?
http://boston.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/32092477.html
Submitted by marchhare (user info) at 2004-09-22 16:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass...
Submitted by Anonymous at 2004-09-14 16:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, this is the most KICK-ASS post I have ever read.
Submitted by Timski at 2004-09-08 20:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, Yes, Yes
Fully agree and kicks alot of arse.
With the postman thing iam just curious why the fuck your postmen don't have little "postie" bikes to ride along the footpath.
Basically got stuck fully into everything that seems to shit the general population the PC world that we are told we should live in by todays standards.
Nice 1!
Why would you give a scholarship to someone with cancer... kind of a waste of teaching resources... i mean, think about it... Wont matter in a few years anyway
Submitted by Valhalla (user info) at 2004-09-08 17:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good overall, though it sort of loses steam at the end.
"...where to live, what slore to marry"
Slut + Whore = Slore ?
Submitted by mjt7420 (user info) at 2004-07-28 14:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This doesn't take balls. This is just a rant, It goes too far. Some good points are made, but it groups together good things and bad things into "being PC." First of all, not having to get out of mail trucks saves time, energy, and taxpayer money. That's progress for God's sake. It probably doesn't deserve the -2, but i did it to offset the bigot factor that seems to be strong here.
Submitted by Jack at 2004-07-22 11:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This sounds like a speach from Tyler Durden in Fight Club....anywoo, awesome write. Little offended by the Jack joke, but other than that, great job.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-19 22:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking awesome!!!
Submitted by Stormlord (user info) at 2004-07-15 18:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jo <lets__get_dirty.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-07-13 10:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, finally someone with the balls to say somthing
Submitted by beeg412 (user info) at 2004-07-09 22:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A fucking masterpiece
Submitted by Quetzallan (user info) at 2004-07-01 00:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats - I logged in for this post so my rating would count. I cant believe that a post that is this awesome doesnt have a perfect 2 rating. (for those who were pissed cause of the racial comments, the whole point of this is political incorectness)
This is one of those things that I can read....and read again....and read again...and read again...and still laugh my ass off
Submitted by Evren (user info) at 2004-06-19 01:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and awesomewootness post.
Submitted by Evren (user info) at 2004-06-19 01:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:23:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah tell it like it is I reckon and if you are a blind unemployed dwarf nigger faggot, well that is your problem not mine. (oops did I really say that?)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why the hell did this make me laugh?
Submitted by Fromaster <LICK_MY_BALLS> at 2004-06-17 00:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A lot of the other comments here attack you for being too whiny or some stupid shit. What they don't realize is that they're whining too, about your whining, which is about other people's whining. And now, here I am, whining about the whiners, who whine about your whining, which is about people who whine too much. When will this vicious cycle end?
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-05-30 15:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This guy rocks!
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-05-30 15:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah that's right.
Submitted by katie <katiedragonlady.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-30 15:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hee hee...i enjoyed this...gave me a few laughs (what is with the braille at drive-thru's? it makes me wonder who came up with that idea)
Submitted by lastgoodbye24 (user info) at 2004-05-26 03:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant.
Submitted by kerthwap (user info) at 2004-05-24 03:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why don't people respect my bigotry?
Submitted by NAKEDMAMMAL (user info) at 2004-05-24 02:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was hoping this would be about homosexual dinosaurs but then i read the first line.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-05-20 21:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It gets better every time I read it.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-05-20 14:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was linked as the Best Rant Ever by several people on my post.
I have to say... I concur.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-19 17:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i giggled. twice.
Submitted by pumpernickle <kate_is_great.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-19 17:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have three words for you and your problems with society: "DEAL WITH IT!!!"
Submitted by Rosencrantz (user info) at 2004-05-04 10:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Seems everywhere you turn, there's a Maddox wannabe somewhere. Some good points though, Fuck political correctness. You know we can't use the term "Blackboards" in school anymore? Cos' it might upset Ethnic groups. And we can't even say "Brainstorming" now, cos' it'll upset the epileptics in schools. These PC groups are a waste of a good intention!
Submitted by Leroy <Inmate.at.yourass.com> at 2004-05-03 01:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn that black inmate is one sweet piece of ass
nice work nigga
Submitted by SlingingSteel at 2004-05-03 01:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So fucking true, anyone who doesnt agree with this can go fuck them selves...
Submitted by tical (user info) at 2004-05-02 19:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Racially insensitive banter by an over-advantaged white slave owner
Submitted by Kichigai <slowSC2.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-29 06:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by safesun11 (user info) at 2004-04-21 16:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i give it a 1.5
pretty funny but i didnt like the racial stuff
even though im not black
Submitted by safesun11 (user info) at 2004-04-21 16:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i give it a 1.5
pretty funny but i didnt like the racial stuff
even though im not black
Submitted by The HNIC at 2004-04-13 19:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not good. It started funny, but the race stuff was a turn off. Why does it have to be a black prisoner? Why do black people have to be the "pigmentally disadvantaged"? We have more pigment than white people. Oh, and you can call us black. Stay away from the race stuff and it's cool. Learn from Maddox. Oh, one more thing. My mailman dosen't pull that shit because the mailbox is next to the door. What's he gonna do? Drive up hill on our lawn, up steps and park on our porch? That's how my whole neighborhood is, so HA HA HA!!! ;)
-The HNIC
Submitted by Kat <dawn_nightslayer.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-12 02:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, that is definitly the KICKER OF ALL ASSES article. I tip my hat to you sir! Ya I'm a girl but I can tip my damned hat if I want to :) Seriously, I agree entirely with everything you wrote and I have to say you kick major ass. You also have a damned good set of balls on you!
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-04-11 14:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I concurr...like it matters!
Submitted by 49 <thegreatspekkio.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-06 13:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truth is great.
Submitted by Aimz <x_x__aimz__x_x.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-06 12:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hiya im 4rm the u.k and didnt understand some of the jokes but found this article in particular so so so funny!
its true about the fat ppl suing McD's, so unfair tho. Why should McD take the blame 4 some fat arses splashin all their cash on chips and burgers?
In england, we dont have mail boxes, we have a little hole in our front doors and the postman (not mail guy or envelope technician) post our letters etc. our postmen dont get trucks or cars, they get bikes lol so they cycle everywher tee hee.
thnx 4 a lil laughter on the web, at last somethin genuinly funny!
bye 4 now,
aimz, 13, england
xxx
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-03 03:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm glad i didn't take the wtf i'm not reading that attitude, which i almost did
shame on me
Submitted by Micah <batmanmm.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-02 15:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Speaking as an ex-mailman, the people parking in front of the mailbox thing is a pretty big hassle.
If I had to get out of the mail truck for every box, my already 8 hour day would stretch to about 13 hours. If this mailman was paid hourly, (like I was) the post office refuses to pay you for more than 8 hours of work. That means that if sorting through and delivering 20 crates of mail (plus hundreds of parcels) that need to go out that day takes longer than 8 hours, you don't get extra pay. Not to mention should anything happen to the mail, or should anyone suspect you tampered with it, you get a $5000 fine and 2 years in prison. That's too much hassle for one job. That's not even mentioning the angry dogs, irrational customers, and crappy weather. It's a wonder more people don't get shot.
Submitted by Caleb Hunt <uncfan0in0ak.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-31 06:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok so it was ok.
I'm in the military and i think thats where all the "deal with it went"
but to the person that said White people are the "melatonin challenged caucasian individual"
Melatonin is what puts you to sleep.
the word you were looking for is Melonin. I think thats how you spell it.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nyeh heh heh har ha
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-03-22 14:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was going to be about alternative lifew style seeking dinosaurs.
Submitted by ChowChilla <thechowchillacharlie.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-18 03:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse me, it's not "white". It's "melatonin challenged caucasian individual".
Submitted by ben aflac at 2004-03-18 02:19:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was very comical, but you're guilty of false advertising. You promised us gay dinosaurs, and, by all that's good and holy, we wanted gay dinosaurs. It's similar to the cereal we ate as kids. We always wanted the toy at the bottom, but when we found it, we ran into a problem. Either the toy was intensely small, or your little brother snatched it before you. I wanted gay dinosaur jokes, plain and simple.
Submitted by Undercovermother <draino.at.aol.com> at 2004-03-11 17:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This tickled my brain the way internet porn tickles my...
Submitted by momo <cmfaraday.at.aol.com> at 2004-03-11 17:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ben <ben at austin> at 2004-03-11 17:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know exactly how you feel. Finally, I got off MY ass and did something about it. I started smoking pot. Dude, none of that shit matters to me anymore...well...expect when I'm not stoned. Then I'm pissed that I'm not stoned.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-03-10 19:16:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's odd how people can misconstrue humor in a rant like this.
Submitted by Kyle H. (Stuarts Friend) <Don't have one.> at 2004-03-09 18:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Kinda wierd but it was ok.!.!.! Sorry!!
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I mostly agree...but you seem to be WAY more bothered by this than I am.
Submitted by czakky (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:12:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
finally, somone that says what needs to be said...
Submitted by Binka (user info) at 2004-03-09 04:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey SweetPauline, that Jew and the pizza oven joke you think its funny? Why don't you go read a book, you hypocritical frikkin yank beatch, ya wanna no why the world is in such trouble today, its cos of christianity, the biggest mistake the universe ever made was allowing that farce to continue, theres a special place in hell reserved for ppl like you and boy are you gonna burn, there is nothing particularly pleasant about being politically correct unless you realise it serves a purpose, if your mother/father/boyfriend/daughter is a victim of rascism/anti-semitism/haybashing it upsets you, there is a difference between having a sense of humour and having the spiritual depth of a puddle, you are muddy and not funny...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-03-08 09:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"pigmentally disadvantaged" is the politically correct term for black people in america?
Wow that's fucked.
#4388 but I try harder
Submitted by Aimee55 (user info) at 2004-03-06 17:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good story. I totally agree with you. I think politically correct is bullshit. I'll tell all of you right now that I dont' give a crap if I offend you. Saying ANYTHING without offending someone is a near impossible task to do nowadays so I don't even worry about it anymore. I saw on tv the other day that they black panthers were protesting that Jesus in the Passion movie wasn't portrayed as a black man. Then make your own movie with Jesus as black you dumbass! and get a job while you're at it! Anyone that has time to protest something so ridiculous needs to get their ass off welfare and quit using my tax dollars. Also, the fat people taking up the airplane seats? Yeah, they should be charged for two. On a flight to florida I had this severely overweight woman all over in my seat and it pissed me off that i was paying to be smashed next to the wall for 2 hours. It's just inconsiderate of other people. Pay for two seats or drive wherever you're going fattie! People get on my nerves. I'd like to punch them all in the windpipe so I don't have to listen to them anymore.
Submitted by Catscradle at 2004-03-06 00:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ten dollars says that in the time it took him to write that note he could have GOTTEN HIS ASS OUT OF THE TRUCK and walked to your mailbox and back 6 times, enough to last the whole week.
Submitted by Lookatmelookatmelookatme at 2004-03-05 23:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grrr. My mailman wrote a note and taped it to my mailbox once when I accidently parked my car in front of it.
"If you park your car here again, you're not getting your mail."
Stupid F. Rexes.
Submitted by Mummbles (user info) at 2004-03-05 20:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
take your own advice and shut the fuck up
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-03-05 16:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post. I could barely contain myself. All my co-workers were staring at me so I had to hunch over and pretend I didn't feel well. Most hilarious thing I've read in quite some time.
Submitted by SweetPauline (user info) at 2004-03-05 10:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
whats the differance between a jew and a pizza pie?
pizza pie doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!
rotflmao...where's the pc squad now bitch
Submitted by <(-_-)> <j571_98.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-04 11:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great job. Too bad many of those on here pretend to be sensitive freaks just so they have the support of obese, handicapped minorities backing them up. It's like liberals and the Hispanic votes - except they don't get votes.
Submitted by im_evelyn (user info) at 2004-03-04 02:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
true.
Submitted by Bigandsexy (user info) at 2004-03-04 00:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no homo dinos?
Submitted by LeprousExistnce (user info) at 2004-03-04 00:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2004-03-03 23:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin a man
fuckin a.
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-03 20:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yawn cant read it all. Too many letters and Im not interested yet. Snoreeeeeeeee
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-03-03 20:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and more +2 because you used the subjunctive. It's so rarely appreciated these days.
Submitted by Tom at 2004-03-03 18:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This seriously has to be one of the worst articles I have ever read. Seriously now, being featured on BoredAtWork.com was really my only incentive to reading this, but all I see is a bunch of whiney bullshit. Oh haha look let's poke fun at old people... then fat people... then cripples! Oh come now, EVERYONE loves poking fun at disabled people.
The author of this has to be nothing short of a 12 year old who was slapped upside the head too many times. Ranting can be funny, but certainly not unintellegent ranting that has no supporting details short of something along the lines of "Fair schmair".
Oh and good luck with that whole "jail" thing.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-03-03 16:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was real good, and I would have given it a plus 2, but really its just regurgitated George Carlin with a twist of Chris Rock rant...good job though.
Submitted by Lynn (user info) at 2004-03-03 15:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love a good rant.
Submitted by ImYours <xacidtricityx.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-03 14:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your sarcasm... your "this is me so fuck off" ways... your blunt, direct statements...
it was all so fun to read, and all so strangely arousing...
I WANT TO RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF...
Let me know what you think about taking out your anger toward this shitty overaccomodating society... by having angry animalistic sex with me.
Looking forward to your next adventurous little input.
-Naomi
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-03-03 09:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bored at Work, Congrats
and slightly humorus prose... i liked it... made me giggle.
what more can we ask for?
-teehee
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-03-02 22:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolute Gold.
Submitted by Bob_Bank (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:15:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes. this is brilliant. the sheer ferocity once you really got rolling was amazing. the solid ass groove you were in by the mc donalds shit was fucking godlike. If only people like you ran this country.
Submitted by CJ <cjohnston101.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-02 10:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Typical Americans... shut up and stop fucking ranting.
Submitted by deserteaglekiller at 2004-03-01 19:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn you bitch alot
Submitted by umm <ummm89.at.aol.com> at 2004-03-01 16:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
totaly agree
Submitted by Josh <blah.at.blah.com> at 2004-03-01 14:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't see what is so great about this post, unless of course you people value someone's ability to bitch and moan over stuff that doesn't really matter to us anyway.
And why go off about tassle's on someone's motorcycle? Are you saying that because boys didn't have them on their bikes as children that it makes it "gay" to use them as you grow up?
Why are they gay? Can someone give me a logical explanation as why it's wrong for a biker to have tassles on his bike? Just 1 explanation, please?
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Theref, please respond on your post about conservative hating, bandwagon forming liberal stereotypes, i would be happy to discuss it further.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25987
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just being ratee #100. nothing to see here.
Submitted by eric <eric.sims.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-02-29 14:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
did you get picked on as a kid?
Submitted by hotshot171 (user info) at 2004-02-29 12:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, this post kicks major ass.
Second of all, yes, tassles on a Harley is just wrong/stupid/not the way to go/breathtakingly dumb.
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-28 02:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DingusMungus at 2004-02-27 11:12:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny post! Its too bad morons like Biker Rob can't laugh at themselves... Oh and I found a picture of Biker Robs cycle for anyone whos interested in what his Harley looks like!
http://www.angelfire.com/freak2/dingusmungus/supergaycycle.jpg
---------------------------------------------------------------------
nope.... mine's got training wheels.
Submitted by headlight (user info) at 2004-02-28 02:15:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo on a post well written. It was great to read something by somebody who agrees with me. The only people who should be allowed to bitch are people who live good lives and still have shit happen to them. Shit they don't deserve. These fuckers who put themselves in these situations because they didn't think about what the fuck they were doing?...Yeah...they need to shut the Hell up.
Submitted by Logos1596 (user info) at 2004-02-28 01:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fagasaurus Rex...Radical...wonder if he had those colored beads on the spokes...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-27 21:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2004-02-27 18:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most well deserved +2 I have ever given.
Submitted by steve at 2004-02-27 15:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best article in forever
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-02-27 14:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, there's like, five rants in there.
Well done, on sheer rant density!
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-02-27 14:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my God, I can't even begin to tell you how much I loved this piece, buddy.
"When I was young..." Oh the irony! "Homogenic Pasteurized Indigenous Peoples" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by DingusMungus at 2004-02-27 11:12:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny post! Its too bad morons like Biker Rob can't laugh at themselves... Oh and I found a picture of Biker Robs cycle for anyone whos interested in what his Harley looks like!
http://www.angelfire.com/freak2/dingusmungus/supergaycycle.jpg
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-02-27 00:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
argh.
By "recession", I mean "kick ass economy".
I need sleep.
-Wo|2M
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-02-27 00:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen and a half.
People being selfish comes from having a kick ass economy for the better part of a decade. Mix that with Bush being a moron and making damn near everyone a Democrat and you have people who are both spoiled (recession), lazy(Democrats), and whiners(a little from column A... a little from column B...).
-Wo|2M
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-26 21:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Metro at 2004-02-26 09:23:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Rob, i took your advice and told some queer with tassels on his harley that they made him a fagasaurus rex. He then thought really hard, and realized he HAD TASSELS ON HIS HARLEY, and yanked 'em off. He then proceeded to thank me for removing his homosexual-esque taste in aesthetics. Oh yea, and my girl laughed at him too.
---------------------------------------------------------
Of course you did.
BTW...you're too much of a pussy to have a girlfriend.
Submitted by Flux_Modulator <shapem59.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-02-26 20:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll one of those fat amorphous globs who wants to eat all I can eat.
Only I can't walk through the buffet line with out one of those $6000
Rascal electric scooter chair. My insurance company said your going
to help me pay for it. I also want tassels on the handle bars.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-02-26 17:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Could only scan this post....too long for me.
You should think about that next time to better accomodate
us with A.D.D. a.k.a. being constantly high.
+2 because what I did scan made sense.
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-26 15:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kimmy: that's neat.
(Btw, to clear things up, I'm not saying I should GET scholarships. I just think it's bullshit that I don't even qualify. I know plenty of people who're infinitely more deserving than I, who still don't have any yet.)
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-02-26 15:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, a "roger that" to just about everything you had to say.
Good piece. I enjoyed reading it.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-02-26 15:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with most of this. People bitch but they just never DO anything about ANYTHING!
Wait, I have tassels on my side view mirrors. Fuck you!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-26 14:43:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by ZeroControl <zerocontrol.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-02-26 14:07:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure brilliance.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-02-26 11:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:19:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
This makes me think of my beef with affirmative action-type deals...
I have a 4.5 GPA. I have a 32 on my ACT. I have, like, a 1360 on my SAT. I have a ton of extracurricular shit.
And, swear to god, I don't quailfy for ONE fucking scholarship I've seen yet. Yes, I am fully aware that there are more scholarships out there that I have not seen, and which might apply to me. And I'm not talking about write-an-essay scholarships, as they only (GENERALLY) offer a relatively low, one-time sum. However, it is fucking pathetic that after a year and a half of scholarshipping, I have found myself to be entirely ineligible for any. They're all for "minorities." I'm not one to discriminate, and I'm the most open minded person I know (which may not be saying a lot, considering I come from Eastern Kentucky), but, fuck it all to jesus christ's ass, I'M WHITE. Oh, no! Yes, recoil in horror as I repress you! It really pisses me off. But the thing that takes the proverbial cake is the most recent scholarship that was posted up on "the board" at my school...
"OFFERING A SCHOLARSHIP TO ANY STUDENT WHO HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER BEFORE THE AGE OF 21."
Holy fucking hell. I'm sorry to anyone who may have cancer, but, come ON.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
not sure if you guys heard about this but there WAS a WHITE ONLY scholarship given away here in RI a few weeks ago. I am surprised the news didn't make it farther....
http://www.eastbayri.com/story/279857234101720.php
I think it's total bullshit that there was such an uproar about it. We had protestors outside the freaking college. DUDE, it was a FIFTY dollar scholarship!!! I think the creators got the exact kind of reaction they wanted.
Cats, great post. I was surpised to see your name on a 'most heated' article. congrats?!
Submitted by Mothyham (user info) at 2004-02-26 10:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
biker rob likes to wear his chaps with no pants on underneath so his gay lover can have easy access to his love star
Submitted by Metro at 2004-02-26 09:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Rob, i took your advice and told some queer with tassels on his harley that they made him a fagasaurus rex. He then thought really hard, and realized he HAD TASSELS ON HIS HARLEY, and yanked 'em off. He then proceeded to thank me for removing his homosexual-esque taste in aesthetics. Oh yea, and my girl laughed at him too.
Submitted by DingusMungus <DingusMungus.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-02-26 08:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awsome Post regardles of the the fact that sounds allot like George Carlin or Maddox, It was funny an not a dirrect knock off so PROPS to ya! Any one who disses this article has a stick in they're ass, especially that BikerRob guy hes just pissed because he bought a 1400cc, overpriced, piece of shit motorcyle that comes stock with pussy ass streamers on it... As a matter of fact I found a picture of his bike online! LOL
http://www.angelfire.com/freak2/dingusmungus/supergaycycle.jpg
Hey Rob I hope you choke on a cock one day!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-02-26 07:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very, very funny... and fun, too.
I love cynicism and baffled fury.
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-26 06:32:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just thought I'd +2 this again. Because it is fucking awesome (and it's 6:30 am, and I'm barely coherent.)
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-26 05:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Metro, I would highly recommend that you speak your opinion to the rider next time you see tassels on a Harley. We'll enjoy reading about you in the papers.
It's dweebs like you who end up getting yanked out of their cars and given the opportunity to re-evaluate their line of thinking. Their girlfriends usually leave with us, too.
Submitted by metro at 2004-02-26 02:14:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, bikerrob is a flamer... a flaming fagosaurus rex. seriously, just because you think tassels are popular, doesn't mean you should stick em on your bike. i think my little sister has tassels on her bike... to each his own i guess.
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-25 22:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I am very much heterosexual ("flaming", if you will), but I have black leather tassels on my FXD Dyna Super Glide. They're extended lacings from the clutch and brake levers, they look good and are very popular among Harley owners.
I noticed in your post that you didn't actually call the guy a "fagasaurus rex". Why's that?
Bikers have a name for yuppies who pull up next to us at traffic lights (with their windows rolled up and doors locked, of course) and make derogatory comments to each other/look down their noses at us... We call them "pussies".
Submitted by settle (user info) at 2004-02-25 21:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by senseiofmattitudev1 (user info) at 2004-02-25 21:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It's not a bad rant, but as someone mentioned (I'm not sure who, but whoever you are, props to ya), that sounds exactly like George Carlin. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of his stuff, and therefore, I think this is a funny article... but, it sounds like the books that I have personally read about 5 times each, if not more.
Again, not bad, but it's been done before.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-25 19:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
supurburific.
Submitted by tolbertap <tolbertap.at.msn.com> at 2004-02-25 17:47:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by wingswest26 (user info) at 2004-02-25 17:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the postman (or envelope technician, as it is now called)
Listen to George Carlin much?
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-02-25 16:21:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-25 14:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesometaculicious.
Submitted by Jeriko2k3 (user info) at 2004-02-25 13:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome rant. I hate it when my ex wife and I were the only ones in a theater, when in comes a Hispanic family of 6 (of which non speak english and you have doubts to their legal status, plus all their children are under 5) and they decide to sit in the same row as you. Then their kids run all over the theater screaming spanish things, and the parents just give them a shhh and leave them be.
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-02-25 13:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this post made me cry - and not with laughter. i broke down in tears of sorrow because now i know someone on earth is more awesome than myself. this is literally not fair. what happened to MY needs? why can't you accomodate MY feelings? i guess i'll have to Deal With It? FUCK YOU.
P.S. you are awesome.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-02-25 12:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome rant. You deserve higher than +2.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-25 11:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's some funny shit. You're a spiteful, spiteful person. Don't change.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-25 10:59:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**that may make technical sense, but what the fuck is a blind person doing driving a car?!?!**
Yeah, thats kind of the point behind the whole 'Braille at the ATM' thing. Good thing you pointed it out though.
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-02-25 09:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you said "slore" ! YES!!! excellent post!
Submitted by Bjorn at 2004-02-25 09:08:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant, have never read anything more true!
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-02-25 06:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is fucking brilliant.
Submitted by trey420 at 2004-02-25 04:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that may make technical sense, but what the fuck is a blind person doing driving a car?!?!
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:37:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
They have braille on drive-through things (like bank machines) because it's cheaper to do that than to make a new die to cast flat buttons. Makes sense, no?
Submitted by SoHipItHurts (user info) at 2004-02-24 22:44:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You fucking rock.
Submitted by MistressSarah (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:44:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Since everyone's getting all flashy-flashy with their education facts and figures, I thought I'd share my story. I was valedictorian of my high school class, with a 4.0 GPA, and a 1460 on my SATs. I got a full ride to college (well, it WAS a full ride, before they had to raise tuition...fuckin war), a 4-year tuition waiver, and about $3000 in one-time scholarships as well. I'm a white chick. I'm not poor. I don't have cancer. I don't have a third breast. I just bothered to get off my ass. I didn't sit back and wait for people to notice my academic credentials, because nobody cares. If you're lazy and whiny, nobody gives two shits about your GPA. So quit bitching, bend over and take it in the rump like all of us non-minorities do, and help yourselves.
Submitted by daidoji (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:42:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good article.
But the real issue is should homosexual dinosaurs like the fagasaurus rex be allowed to marry other gay dinosaurs. Godzilla doesn't think so, so both he and Raxtor will team up against fagasaurus rex and gayesaur in a battle to the death to decide the who will emerge the victor in this ultimate battle over marriage. Will Tokyo survive?????????
no one knows.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-24 17:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-02-24 15:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Definite Boredatwork material.
"You can't block my access."
"Why can't you get out and walk?"
"Because I don't feel like it."
"If you were a dinosaur, your name would be Fagasaurus Rex."
---
HAHAHAHAHAHA HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA
hahahahaahahahah HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
hahahahah HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA!!!
HAahaha!
Haha
Ha
Submitted by alchemist (user info) at 2004-02-24 15:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*takes off hat and salutes*
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-02-24 15:29:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to print it now and hang on a wall. Fuck you for making me spend 15$ to keep this!
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-02-24 15:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Not since I watched 'Taxi Driver' have I found anyone capable of delivering a rant worthy of reading. Now, not only is there a great rant like this, but it also makes pretty damn good points! What more can you ask of from a post??
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-24 14:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is how you do it ladies and gentlemen.
This is Ubersite.
Submitted by squattailyousuckmyballs (user info) at 2004-02-24 14:15:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Rant!
Squattail = Fagasaurus Rex, or a little boy with tassels on his handlebars.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-02-24 12:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mailmen are lazy. They refused to deliver my mail for over a week because they were too lazy to get out of their cars and put it in a temporary box I had made for that express purpose, labeled and everything
http://www.ubersite.com/m/20379
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-02-24 11:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a really good, thought out, entertaining rant. Good Job
Submitted by Rage379 (user info) at 2004-02-24 05:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well fuck me, that was awesome.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-24 04:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2004-02-24 04:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I second the boredatwork nomination
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-02-24 03:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If this doesn't belong on boredatwork, I dont know what does.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-02-24 03:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marry me.
WHAT!!!!!
Its legal in Paraguay
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-02-24 03:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by young-gun <guccilittlepiggy777.at.hotmail.co> at 2004-02-24 01:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I died 3 times while reading this. The pain... the pleasure... it's all good.
[in other words this is the best thing i have read in a long time.]
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2004-02-23 23:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah. For college scholarships I get the supreme short end of the stick. I'm a W.A.S.P. non-gay, suburbanite in the upper-middle class, ranked 147th in my class. I have an A average, and I am ranked 147th. It's because all the kids that get a B or C on their report cards take their classes pass fail, which doesn't count on their GPA.
I got into 3 out of the 4 engineering schools I applied for though (Penn State, Marquette, and Kansas).
In 2020 whites will me a minority, and it'll be interesting to see if we get any sort of minority benefits.
Submitted by distressedjester (user info) at 2004-02-23 22:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
brought a tear to my eye.
Submitted by skatastrophy (user info) at 2004-02-23 22:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wheres my dinosaur!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-23 22:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:35:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
As for AnnabelLee, damn I hate public schools. Nothing against you, you sound like a fine person, but you've got a 4.5 GPA with a 1360 on the SAT. A 1360 is very good, but it shouldn't be worthy of a 4.5 on a 4.0 scale. I made a 3.42 and I had a 1440 on my SAT. Part of it is I'm lazy, most of it is the fact that I went to a school where I took all the hardest classes, but didn't get any extra credit for them. In public schools (at least the one's I'm familiar with) an AP class gets you an extra point on your GPA, basically your B gets bumped up to an A. In an IB class you get two extra points on added on, basically making a B worthy of a 5.0 on the 4.0 scale. What the fuck? I made As and Bs in AP and IB level classes tought by the best, but hardest teachers high school has to offer, and I get a 3.42. If I went to public school I could make straight Bs or even Cs in some IB courses and still have a GPA over 4.0. Damn, that pisses me off.
==================
actually IB doesn't give you that much weight. I graduated IB in 2000 with an unweighted 2.89 and a weighted 3.23. It was to no avail though, i quickly said fuck college and joined the service.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:35:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Christ on Rice, Batman!
This post kicked my ass.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah tell it like it is I reckon and if you are a blind unemployed dwarf nigger faggot, well that is your problem not mine. (oops did I really say that?)
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
perfectly written.
But I'm offended by your use of "fagsaurus".
kidding!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-02-23 21:02:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woah.... will you have my babies?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were going to start a new nation, this would be my Declaration of Independence.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Concrete.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was never a discriminating child. I made fun of everyone with tassels on their handlebars.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-23 20:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing i've read in a while. Probably the most entertaining rant ever. If you were a dinosaur, you would be Asskickingasarus Rex.
Submitted by random iddqd at 2004-02-23 19:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hooray for catscradle.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:56:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scout and Annabel.
It's even worse at my school. AP classes get you 6 points for an A. Meaning that i have a fucking 5.1 GPA.
Sounds hot? Colleges will be able to make no sense of it though. Its meaningless, just like my life.
uh, kidding...
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good rant...
could have been a bit more focused...but the general irritation was there.
4 out of 5 soapboxes
-Turtle
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:32:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would be Lickalottapuss
------------------------------------------------
DAMN ME AND MY SLOW READING OF POSTS!
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, it is like you saved up about 3 posts worth or ranting and put it together for a super-sized-kicker-of-all-ass rant.
This kicked ass so much I'm going to go sit in the snow until the swelling goes down.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the collective noun for old people is a "fart".
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:35:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome rant. I tried something like this, but it sucked.
As for AnnabelLee, damn I hate public schools. Nothing against you, you sound like a fine person, but you've got a 4.5 GPA with a 1360 on the SAT. A 1360 is very good, but it shouldn't be worthy of a 4.5 on a 4.0 scale. I made a 3.42 and I had a 1440 on my SAT. Part of it is I'm lazy, most of it is the fact that I went to a school where I took all the hardest classes, but didn't get any extra credit for them. In public schools (at least the one's I'm familiar with) an AP class gets you an extra point on your GPA, basically your B gets bumped up to an A. In an IB class you get two extra points on added on, basically making a B worthy of a 5.0 on the 4.0 scale. What the fuck? I made As and Bs in AP and IB level classes tought by the best, but hardest teachers high school has to offer, and I get a 3.42. If I went to public school I could make straight Bs or even Cs in some IB courses and still have a GPA over 4.0. Damn, that pisses me off.
Of course, I still got a full ride because of status as a National Merit Finalist, but if it wasn't for that, I would have been screwed big time.
Submitted by Random Catscradle at 2004-02-23 19:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
One thing of note - I read that poverty levels among recently immigrated West Indian blacks were lower than among third and fourth generation blacks. Why? Possibly because the recent immigrants weren't elgible for welfare....
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This makes me think of my beef with affirmative action-type deals...
I have a 4.5 GPA. I have a 32 on my ACT. I have, like, a 1360 on my SAT. I have a ton of extracurricular shit.
And, swear to god, I don't quailfy for ONE fucking scholarship I've seen yet. Yes, I am fully aware that there are more scholarships out there that I have not seen, and which might apply to me. And I'm not talking about write-an-essay scholarships, as they only (GENERALLY) offer a relatively low, one-time sum. However, it is fucking pathetic that after a year and a half of scholarshipping, I have found myself to be entirely ineligible for any. They're all for "minorities." I'm not one to discriminate, and I'm the most open minded person I know (which may not be saying a lot, considering I come from Eastern Kentucky), but, fuck it all to jesus christ's ass, I'M WHITE. Oh, no! Yes, recoil in horror as I repress you! It really pisses me off. But the thing that takes the proverbial cake is the most recent scholarship that was posted up on "the board" at my school...
"OFFERING A SCHOLARSHIP TO ANY STUDENT WHO HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER BEFORE THE AGE OF 21."
Holy fucking hell. I'm sorry to anyone who may have cancer, but, come ON.
Submitted by Flacco (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was expecting a picture of a Fagasaurus Rex.
had to settle for a great read.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for Cats.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-02-23 19:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all for the "fat people on airplanes must pay for 2 seats" rule. Saturday, coming home, I was seated next to one of the dumbest, fattest people I have ever "met". She pushed 500 and was wearing a tube top, no joke. Then she basically took over half of my seat, forcing me to lean to the left half the flight. Finally I just stop caring, sat up right, and dug my arm into her flesh by putting it on MY SIDE of the seat that I paid for. If she's going to take up my half anyway, and the half on the right, too, then she techincally is using 2 seats, no? She huffed in indignation at my outrageous using of my own space, but said nothing. Yeah, that's right bitch, suck it.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They have braille on drive-through things (like bank machines) because it's cheaper to do that than to make a new die to cast flat buttons. Makes sense, no?
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, but next time you better expound on the homosaurs.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:36:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite possibly the greatest rant I've ever read on this site.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:35:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i think you make a decent point (or lack thereof), but still, the post man's job description is to drive from mailbox to mailbox and deliver the postage from his car: leaving the car voids any of his health insurance because it is not his job to leave the car. unless youre tipping him, just move the car. otherwise, he has the right to not deliver it, or to leave it 'near' your box, which is anything within 5 feet of it
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:33:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you were to go through the entire multi-verse and kick every ass as well as every ass-shaped object you were to find, you would still not have kicked as much ass as this post did.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would be Lickalottapuss
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-02-23 18:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for me.