The No Bullshit Guide to GC GBA XB PS2's Best Games (1524 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 0.4 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrew (View user info) at 2004-02-24 01:57:02 EST
Video games.
People buy shitty ones.
Games are expensive.
Magazines and sites are unreliable and biased.
In this guide, there's no rating system.
They're just, in my opinion, the very best games on each system, plus the all time best game on each system.
Post your comments on whether I'm a fucking GH3Y OMG LOL douchebag for leaving X out or putting X
in.
For the record, I'm trying hard to make good posts. I don't wanna spam Ubersite with any more stupid bullshit than it's already contaminated with, like my first two posts. If you haven't, check out the links to Barney Shakur and Maas Digital I posted.
This also has some commentary on the companies that produced the systems.
NINTENDO
First off, I'm the first to say that the Nintendo execs are fucking idiots. They're just being stubborn morons to ignore online play. Think how cool Super Smash Bros. and Mario Kart would be online..... Nintendo just shat all over that idea and gave fans the finger. They also made a huge mistake pursuing a "family-friendly" image, 'cause this translates as "kiddy" in the mind of the average pubescent gamer. And for the most part, they ARE kiddy, like Mario Party and Pokemon. But,if you play awesome shit like Resident Evil and Metroid Prime, that perception will be shattered. And Nintendo's games are just the best. Case closed. But, not enough OF 'em.
Gamecube:
- Soul Calibur II (Fantastic, a perfect fighter, probably best played on the gamecube 'cause it has Link)
- Super Mario Sunshine (Extremely tight control and gameplay. Really, really solid)
- Resident Evil (For everyone who says the system is kiddy, play this game, which probably has some of the best graphics ever and is some scary shit)
- Eternal Darkness (Same as the above, great gameplay and insanity effects. For the record, this sounds like a shitty goth band)
- Viewtiful Joe (Insanely fan-fuckin'-tastic. Challenging, original, great gameplay)
- Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (Anyone who hates the graphics should seriously consider suicide.
The animation is childlike and simple, yet extremely fluid. It's like an impressionist painting come to life. The controls are extremely solid, like all Nintendo games, and the puzzles are ingenious. Cast aside your prejudice and play this)
- Mario Kart: Double Dash (Badass. Pure fun. But, Nintendo, WHY COULDN'T YOU BASTARDS PUT THIS ONLINE???)
- Super Monkey Ball (Unbelievably addictive and amusingly titled. Monkey Fight is like crack)
- Super Smash Bros. (A Nintendo fanboy's wet dream. It gets so competitve in tournaments that feuds arise)
BEST GAME: Metroid Prime
Words cannot describe who great this game is. Best graphics on any console, great puzzles, great atmosphere/music, actually challenging, great design. Unbelieveable, and whoda thunk TEXANS could do this shit? MAXIMUM OWNAGE!
Game Boy Advance:
- Super Mario Bros. 3 (The best Mario)
- Metroid: Zero Mission (Amazing, but too short)
- Yoshi's Island (Really cool gameplay and pastel graphics, OVERLOOKED)
- Wario Ware (Also overlooked, extremely addictive)
- Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (Great, but just a straight port and not a remake)
- Street Fighter II (Best fighting game on console)
- Final Fantasy Tactics (Best strategy game on the console, great art direction, really challenging and deep)
- Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (Best action game on console)
BEST GAME: Metroid Fusion
If addiction, ingenuity and creativity were crammed into a blender, this is what would come out. Probably would be the best Metroid, 'cept it gives you detailed instructions on where to go, which is lame.
If you own a Game Boy, YOU MUST OWN THIS GAME.
MICROSOFT
Microsoft was not content to dominate just PC software, they had to enter the realm of video games with a kickass piece of hardware. Evil bastards. Xbox has the best graphics of the three, and hits its demographic straight on the head. The killer app is Xbox Live, which is the epitome of excellence, besides the geeky headphones. It kicks Playstation Online's ass in every possible way.
It's awesome to just harass people, like being a horny Arab or an indignant, bigoted preacher.
It also has Halo. Fuck all you who say it's over rated, it's the best video game of the past 5 years, with the possible exception of what may be the ultimate video game, Grand Theft Auto 3.
Xbox:
- Max Payne (I put this in the Xbox category 'cause it's the best version. Hilariously cheesy, Bullet Time, and damn fun. Rockstar rules)
- Rainbow Six 3 (Best Xbox Live game. Kick's Counterstrike's ass. Hardcore. You need skill to kill some of the people online, but when you do, it's damn satisfying)
- Crimson Skies (Another awesome Xbox Live game. Overlooked, not a lot of people play it, that's it's only downfall)
- Dead or Alive 3 (Yeah, I know some people say it's too simple, fuck them. Actually, a big plus, how easy it is to pick up for people who aren't big fighting game fanatics. Really solid, and some of the best graphics on any system)
- Splinter Cell (Best stealth game of all time, even better than Metal Gear Solid II. Probably the best graphics in any third person game. Superb lighting/fire effects. Tough AI for a stealth game)
- Jet Set Radio Future (Done by Smilebit, a division of Sega that works exclusively for Xbox,injecting some much-needed japanese juice...Stunning cel-shaded visuals and funky music, overlooked, really damn cool.Check it out)
- Panzer Dragoon Orta (Also done by Smilebit. A beautiful, surreal shooter. Awesome, huge bosses)
- Abe's Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee (A great-looking, bizarre game. Really funny, really quirky, and really complex. Overlooked. An amazing launch game).
BEST GAME: Halo
The best action/first person shooter of all time. Once again, dipshits think this is overrated.
They is dayum wrong. Here's why it's the best:
- The best AI in any game, ever. You play the game for hours and the enemy does something completely new and bitchslaps you, you are amazed. I cannot even imagine how many variables the programmers must have plugged in.
- The mindboggling graphics. Still holds up 2 years later.
- The story and twists. Damn.
- The hilarious chatter of the aliens and marines.
- The music. I still have the African tribal war chant stuck in my head.
- The vehicles.
- The multiplayer. Sweet St. John in a cubicle, the multiplayer. If this was online I'd blow my
load.
Halo rules. Halo 2 will fuck you up.
SONY
Sony's corporate philosophy is the antithesis of Nintendo's. Quantity over quality. Because of this, virtually every developer gets published on PS2. Thus, a lot of fantastic developers get their games out, as well of a lot of shitty ones. This is really smart, because consumers love variety. But do you want to know the REAL secret of their success?
LISCENSED GAMES.
Because their standards are so low, a ton of movie and franchise games are released.
Kids WILL buy SHITLOADS of crappy games that have Spider Man, the X Men, The Matrix, and especially Dragon Ball Z on them. It's true. That is the secret of Sony's success.
So I'm not a big fan of PS2, but they have virtually all of the great Japanese developers, such as Capcom, Konami, and especially Square Enix. So:
- Metal Gear Solid II (Once the best stealth game in the world. Has a bunch of cool, memorable characters, but a dumbass, pretentious, convoluted storyline)
- Devil May Cry (One of the best action games ever. Really solid controls, and over-the-top, like Max Payne. Damn, it's good. Pick it up as a Greatest Hits if you haven't)
- Gran Turismo II (The ultimate racing sim. A huge selection of cars modeled impeccably. Car fans lust over this, as it's the closest they'll get to driving a Lambroghini.)
- Dynasty Warriors 3-4 (INTENSE. Simultaneously non-stop arcade action and "think-y" strategy.
A huge sleeper hit series. Rent it if you have a PS2)
- Virtua Fighter 4 (Probably the deepest fighter ever, with really sharp graphics. Second only to Soul Calibur II)
- Zone of the Enders II (One of the most awesome and most overlooked games ever. Created by Hideo Kojima, the creator of Castlevania and Metal Gear. Intense action, almost ethereal graphics, and astonishing effects. RENT IT NOW!)
- Tony Hawk (one the reasons PS2's so successful. Addictive. Give this to one of those grunge, DO THE DEW dipshits and they love videogames. I don't like it much, but from the effect I've seen it have on people, it's probably awesome. Great engine.
BEST GAME: Grand Theft Auto III and Vice City
I don't think I can say any more about these games than has already said. It is probably the ultimate video game, the ultimate fantasy. The sense of freedom it gives people from their daily lives is an amazing achievement. It is digital catharsis. By far, one of the main reasons the PS2 was so successful in the U.S. Incredible dialogue and music, like a Francis Ford Coppola movie.
Magnificent.
So, Halo, Metroid Prime, and Grand Theft Auto are the best games money can buy, pus many others on this list. I hope you enjoyed the post, by far my longest, most thought-out yet. Give me feedback, so's I know what ya like. VONNEGUT RULES!
User Reviews
Submitted by RapSupaStar (user info) at 2004-07-05 04:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU ARE FUCKING LAME.... SPEND ALL DAY PLAYING VIDEO GAMES... GO OUT AND GET SOME FRESH AIR.. MAYBE YOU WILL CHOKE TO DEATH WIT ALL THIS 4th OF JULY POLUTION... THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A WASTE OF TIME... SO HERE IS A FLOW FOR YOU KIDDIES WHO DONT WANT TO READ HIS BORING SHIT.
SACREW WAS A FOOL
HE STAYS HOME ALL DAY AND DRINKS HIS BOOZE
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND AINT DOINT SHIT
HE LOOK LIKE SHREK BUT STILL ACTS LIKE A BITCH
DONT LET HIS WORDS FOOL YOU
SEE THROUGH IT AND SEE A FOOL TOO
HIS LIFE IS DEFINITELY SMELLY LIKE CRAP
JUST HIS NAME MAKES ME WANNA SNAP
SNAP CRACKLE POP
DIE SLOW; DROP!
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2004-04-04 01:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I will say this: you came pretty damn close with the PS2. There are a lot of really shitty games out there. They're on every damn system. And it's true, alot of really bad crap ends up on the PS2, because they will liscence just about anyone with half a game and the ability to publish it. At the same time, there are some really good games here that you mentioned. MetalGear Solid II, Devil May Cry, and Zone of the Enders are all pretty badass. But do they really make up for all of the crap that they make as well? Yeah they do, because if your smart, you wait before you buy a game(for any system). Also, you may want to rethink Metroid, it wasn't that great.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-02-24 23:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant that Munch's Odyssey is a launch game for the Xbox.
I love the first, which is extremely badass...and creepy.
Maybe I'll do a list of older systems best games, too.
Vice City is INFINITELY better than MGS2.
ANYONE can pick up a GTA game. Very easy to learn, and just damn fun.
Well, I didn't want to offend anybody at first, but MGS2 is an pretentious piece of shit.
You spend virtually the entire game as a blond metrosexual, and then the story "explores"
incest, quadruple-crosses, and the nature of reality? It's almost as masturbatory as the Matrix.
SHIT, I FORGOT KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC AND DEUS EX!
Damn, those may elevate Xbox to Best System.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-02-24 22:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you seem to have pretty much everything covered.
you said "Munch's Odyssey" was a launch game. i may be completely wrong, but i'm guessing you mean it's a new title/producer. this is untrue.
a few years ago, "Oddworld: Abe's Odyssey" came out for playstation. still stands as one of my favorites of all time. the company said that it was the first of 5 "oddworld" games, the second being "Abe's Exodus" (also for playstation; 2 disks i think), making Munch's Odyssey the 3rd of the series. Abe's Exodus kinda sucked, and definitely isn't worth replaying.
when sequels are made that change the game from 2d to 3d, it normally sucks (ie. Rayman, Lemmings, Worms recently, Sonic...; Mario Bros. is a great exception). so i don't really trust Munch's Odyssey.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-02-24 17:27:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
GTA Vice City better than MGS: 2 SOL?
You make me laugh.
Submitted by Kasarius (user info) at 2004-02-24 16:58:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Metroid: Zero Mission is too short, and yet Fusion isn't? Fusion took less than five hours the first time through, though that could be because they insisted upon taking you by the hand and walking you through.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-02-24 12:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mario Kart (and other lan games for gc) can be played online by using www.warppipe.com
The program tricks the gamecube into thinking that it's actually on a lan.
The speed of the game depends on the ping between the two people playing, though.
Submitted by glasscpp (user info) at 2004-02-24 11:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrew,
To get some of your xBox non-live games in on online game play, check out:
http://www.xbconnect.com
...and its improving! Its great! The key is to either host or find a nearby host in order to limit the lag.
Also I like all of your opinons, I tend to agree with you especially when it comes to actually playing and comparing all the consoles. My son and I regularly play several different games on the PS2, SNES, xBox, and the PC (yes I know its not a console - duh, play the games on the PC are more graphical and complex which is what I like). You can also mod the box in order to get pretty much any game to play on the console, even the really old classics. I just can't stand when some people get so hard-up on one particular gaming machine, you have to experience them all. I enjoyed the post and the game rates, btw.
cheers,
glasscpp
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-24 11:44:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Consoles and PC games each have their own niches. Some types of game are better suited to one or the other.
You also left a huge amount of good games out of the list. I think it's just a "taste" thing.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-02-24 10:11:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
well come on guys, the PC is the most versatile and quality type of gaming system. The best games for PC absolutely CRUSH anything on any console. Such as:
1)Thief I and II - the best stealth games EVER. They started the genre.
2)Deus Ex - Before it was ported and ruined, a truly unique FPS
3)Planescape:Torment - Best RPG EVER
4)System Shock II - another kickass FPS
5)QUAKE and UNREAL - again, it all started on PC. The ports just arent as good.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-24 09:28:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Seriously squattail, you are so fucking sweet its not even right. If i could be you a just rip games off the net all day i think i would spooge in my pants. You get all the pussy, you play all the games, your pratically a god.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-24 09:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
- Splinter Cell (Best stealth game of all time, even better than Metal Gear Solid II. Probably the best graphics in any third person game. Superb lighting/fire effects. Tough AI for a stealth game)
=====================
meh. Splinter Cell's story is more cohesive and believable, but MGS2's gameplay is far
more fun.
Virtua Fighter 4 is not second to Soul Caulibur 2, it leads the pack without a doubt.
Other than that good list, Dynasty Warrior games suck however.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-24 04:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, thank you squattail. It takes a man of sharp nerve to steal and then think it's a virtue (either that, or loaded up with massive amounts of barbituates). All you need now is either a "NO FEAR" or "2Cool4School" t-shirt and you're set. I'm amazed at your internet talents, really.
Because you're out their, I now feel better about myself. But how does it feel I still don't respect you?
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-24 04:27:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (Anyone who hates the graphics should seriously consider suicide.
Far far too easy. Very much the child of Ocarina of Time (the best game in the world ever), steals lots of puzzles from Majoras Mask as well.
Good game but if you've played both 64 Zeldas to completion Wind Waker will disappoint.
------------------------------------
Game Boy Advance:
Where's Advance Wars? The best strategy game I've played in years.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-02-24 03:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you dl the Gamespy tunnel you can play Halo online. You need a really fast connection to keep it from lagging, though.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-24 02:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Despite the fact I wouldn't buy a shitty assed console in a million years, I am glad they are out there. Console owners buy full priced games, so the developers keep producing them. They port them to PC, and I get them for free. If it weren't for console gamers buying hundreds of dollars worth of games, the developers wouldn't make them. Thankyou, console gamers, for paying markup on each game you buy just so I can leech them off the net for my PC, which is superior to any console there is.
Submitted by TheTruth (user info) at 2004-02-24 02:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, that's right--consoles help define who you are. If you play one, you're a lamer. Just like you define your sexuality through what color your console is.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-24 02:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-24 02:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CONSOLES ARE FOR LAMERS