Welcome to Trendy Shit Ville, USA (1073 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.6 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Isaac Zeccs (View user info) at 2004-02-24 21:39:18 EST
Welcome to Bellingham, Washington.
My town is the definition of trendy concepts being blown way out of proportion. All the trends started because Bellingham is a pretty liberal town. It's not huge, but it has a great college, and tons of mountains and parks and trails, and whatnot surrounding it. Basically, it's tree hugger heaven. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, i, myself enjoy all the natural beauty of the area, and i generally like most so called "tree huggers", but i've already gone off topic.
The point is, my town is engulfed in trendy liberal bullshit. Bullshit like coffee shops, and thrift stores, or any other local anomaly, all of which are somewhat like communism. They look good on paper, but in practice, they're rather disappointing.
I love the idea of supporting small, local businesses, but these ones i will not give a dime to. So what's the big problem? Well it may be that all the locally owned coffee shops make the WORST coffee i've ever tasted, or that the local art galleries are filled with mediocre art, or that the thrift stores are just like ValueVillages, or that the local pastry shops have products comparable to a Haggens donut counter, any one of these reasons. The major difference is that all these "homey," "down to earth," "unique," places sell their products for roughly 14,000 times that of a large corporation, and that they care just as little about their customers as any major chain.
What people are buying when they go to these places is a sense of uniqueness. By hanging out there, they're like the people on Friends... right? I mean, what better way of showing how much of an individual you are is there than picking one of the hundreds of identical coffee shops around town and hanging out for hours? It's a place you can go that truly expresses your individuality, and all the individualities of the dozens of other customers constantly packed into the same disease hole. It's like there's an official code book that these places go by, so that they all end up with the same bullshit, thrift shop/jazzy art studio vibe. They're pulling the wool over everyone's eyes!
At least with a bloodsucking corporation, you know what you're getting. You're getting a raging capitalist monster, who doesn't give a shit about you. You can observe this from the uncomfortable, stainless steal furniture, to the lack of bathrooms, right down to the quickly made, sloppily thrown together drink, in a cheap paper cup. These places are vampires, but at least they don't jerk you around and try to cover it up.
When i want coffee, i go to Dennys for three major reasons. It's cheap, it's refillable, and they don't cram poorly painted pictures, poetry readings, or cutesy retro tables and chairs down my throat, when all i want to do is to sit by myself, drink some caffeine, and brood with hatred.
They're open all night too, so i guess that's four reasons.
-Isaac Zeccs
User Reviews
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-29 23:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a deal coley.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-02-29 23:41:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Youngun!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-02-29 23:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People don't read/rate my stuff too much either. Hey, if you read n rate all my posts I'll read and rate all yours. Okay?
Ready, set... GO
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-28 21:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way JD, i'm barely 20.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate it how so few people review my posts that my ratings can get completely fucked by just one angry tallentless writer.
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-02-28 18:57:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yo, Jocko, eat shit.
And please don't ask anyone to 'do us all' a favour...you're just about the last person I want to be lumped in with.
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-02-28 18:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a breif history on you, fucktwat:
At age eight you fell off of your bicycle and crushed a testicle.
At age ten you were caught masturbating you pet dog.
At age ten and a half you were caught sucking your dogs cock to orgasm.
At age eleven you were caught having a threeway with your dog and a neighbours cat.
At age thirteen you developed a method in which to save your farts by catching them in the bathtub and then freezing them.
At age fourteen you were caught trying to inhale your year old fart while masturbating your dog.
At age eightteen you fell down drunk and crushed your remaining testicle.
At age twenty you decided to give up on women and return to sucking dogs cocks.
At age twenty one you successfully mastered the art of flash freezing your farts.
More to come....
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-28 18:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's a brief history on JD Lavander:
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Submitted by JD Lavender <JDLavender.at.hotmail.com> [[Authenticated]] (View user info) at 2004-02-28 01:50:36
Painful Anal Sex with Muhammed and Jesus (Rating: -1 on 6 reviews, last by mikethescottish 54 minutes ago)Submitted by JD Lavender <JDLavender.at.hotmail.com> [[Authenticated]] (View user info) at 2004-02-28 01:43:29
That's right folks, 6 posts in one day, and all of them suck.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-02-28 16:49:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-02-28 16:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, do us all a favour and go fuck yourself. You coffee drinking art house fuck.
This article is pure crap.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-25 10:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sure I could come up with a decent comment, but I just finished Tak's story and my brain is fried.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-25 01:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kristen-
You're right, the service is horrible, the lights are opressive, the bathrooms are filthy, and the whole place smells like a highway rest stop. I love it.
Still, i'll keep in mind the village inn, because i do love a good slice of pie.
Coley-
Thank you, and i love valuevillage too.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-25 00:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Denny's has the slowest service ever. It doesn't matter what town/city/state you go to, it doesn't matter how old you are or the color of your skin or the smell of your armpits...you will be waiting over an hour to give a drink order. God forbid you order a Grandslam.
I like The Village Inn. They're faster. And they have really good pie.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-02-24 23:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I <3 Isaac.
However, I also <3 Value Village..
shoot me.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-24 22:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Started out a lil eh, but I gotta give you +1 for this:
"all i want to do is to sit by myself, drink some caffeine, and brood with hatred."
Right on, brotha.
Oh God I am so white.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree tom.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:47:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Denny's - serving everyone but black people for over 50 years.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But I think there is some mix up between Hippies, who happen to be liberals, and the general liberal population...
Submitted by Biloba (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see that.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda like Sedona, AZ?
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-24 21:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Coffee Shops? What a trendy idea... so new and fresh.
Those Liberals sure know how to par-tay.