Elephant Shit (589 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by citizenabovesuspicion (View user info) at 2004-02-25 13:51:59 EST
location: Sabah, Borneo (Malaysia)
Conversation overheard during jungle trek between an aging, unlicensed, over-enthusiastic wannabe biologist and Matt from London.
oewb: Oh look- elephant dung. Very interesting, very sporous. You see how the mushroom spores are just blossoming here. Very healthy and very fresh- ho, ho we may get to see some elephants yet.
Matt: Yea...you're holding a piece of shit.
I will not return to the jungles of Borneo just yet for reasons of health and, perhaps more importantly, because of the abundance of "biologists" "in the field"-- biologists in quotes here because I dare say these people are experts on the soils they sniff, the barks they scratch, the arachnids they photograph, the arthopods(?) they stroke lovingly, and for Gods sake the orangutangs over which they incessantly philosophize. I must admit it gets a little boring chasing around storm storks in a packed john boat for three hours; "Oh look 3 O'Clock-- a storm stork at 200 paces. Thats number 42, no 43".
Well, all that changed when I swam out to a large floating tree trunk on a calm sunny morning and tunnels of vomit were projected forth into the quiet lake from the hells of my very intestines. It went on for hours, the birds laughing at me, the monkeys forever taunting.
The guys cell phone next to me is playing Europe's "The Final Countdown", seriously. Remember: the more annoying the ring, the more annoying the person. Just put your cell phone on vibrate and place it in the vicinity of your crotch-- that way everyone's happy. Never trust a man with a fanny pack-- that doesnt translate too well with my British commrades, am I correct?
Never High on Own Supply,
Private Mustache
operation: jingle balls
User Reviews
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-02-25 16:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No kidding, you're on the money about the cell phone rings. Never thought of it but it definetly holds up with the people I know.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-25 16:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember: the more annoying the ring, the more annoying the person. Just put your cell phone on vibrate and place it in the vicinity of your crotch-- that way everyone's happy
that alone made it worth the +2
Submitted by JackHand (user info) at 2004-02-25 16:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Check the picture...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/26271
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-02-25 14:19:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Consistently entertaining.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-02-25 14:12:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What kind of 'shrooms were growing on the jungle-muffin?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-25 13:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the story and your sense not to make it long.