Uber-stats: the future is here! (1122 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.95 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mike Witcombe <mikethescottish.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-26 13:19:16 EST
First off, I apologise for the blantant plagiarism from George Orwell's '1984'.
Ever get tired of trying to insult people, only to find that your stream of abuse no longer has any effect? Tired of calling people 'homo gay faggots' and it being received with only a faint hint of amusement? Well, once again, Ubersite can save you. Instead of forming increasingly long and poetic insults, why not use the Ubersite scale to convey just what you think of anything, be it your fellow man to your new car? Let me elaborate.
Imagine the situation: your lover has recently spent your food budget on third-rate russian porno. Instead of the usual 'total fucking bastard' or 'stupid insensitive bitch', why not call him/her a -2 idiot? No need for elaborate adjectives, no need for long-winded arguments. The phrase will either confuse him/her to the point of conceding your victory, or offend them into such a vitriolic rage they can only mumble incoherantly. Either way, victory is yours. Hey, with a bit of luck, you can steal the videos for yourself without him/her knowing.
And who said is has to stop at insulting? Everything anyone says can be graded on the scale, anything anyone has. Why not get a friend to rate every comment you make throughout a day, no matter how irritating and banal? Many a memorable evening could be spend working out the average score one has attained throughout the day, so that people would know exactly what others think of you. If someone asks you how your day went, you will no longer have to mumble 'OK'- you can be totally specific. For example:
Bob: How's your day been?
Fred: Currently -0.84. I've been going down all week.
This system would boost the economy, as increased desire for a higher rating would spur a more considered approach to material goods, and increase education, as people desperately search for the brilliant comment that will be sure to get them that +2 they hunger for. Education would be completely uphauled, particularly in maths and english, and people can set specific goals for life; instead of aiming for a wife, job and house, why not aim for a +1 lifestyle? As people become more attuned to the system, it could even be applied to politics, as countries below the '0' line strive for an above-0 rating. The sky is the limit... actually, coming to think of it, you could grade the weather as well. Consider the picture below (if it's worked). Due to the fact that this is Southern England, I think a +2 is in order!
User Reviews
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-12-21 20:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where on earth did this get dug up from?? I just clicked on this from the MRR and got a damn good shock!
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-12-21 20:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-26 18:11:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
You said "maths".
+2
INDEED.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-12-21 20:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The doorknob looks like antlers.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-12-21 20:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do you continually get your clothes caught on that fancy door knob?
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-13 13:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a t-shirt that says "-2 DIE" on it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-12-13 13:19:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Instead of the usual 'total fucking bastard' or 'stupid insensitive bitch', why not call him/her a -2 idiot?"
Wait you mean most people don't already do that?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-12-13 13:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why doesn't the door go all the way to the ground?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-11-23 18:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Auto +2 for being DREAMY!*
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-06-09 14:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.mine.is.better.though!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-12 09:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2004-04-12 09:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a +2 champ mate.
Badass.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-12 09:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We should never forget this random picture. It was a great one.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So true so true
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:58:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Calling Shandythedog!!
Submitted by Dragon (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:49:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for not owning one of those satanic drying devices. Sure birds might shit on your clothes, or perverts may steal them, but you're doing it the way God intended.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Waldo is behind the trellis.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-26 23:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Double plus good.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-26 23:03:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That is NOT the kind of door I would want at a drinking party....That 1-foot drop is suicide.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-26 18:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You said "maths".
+2
Submitted by Soontobehomeless (user info) at 2004-02-26 15:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
random pictures are a +
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-02-26 14:22:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that snow falling from the sky or do you have a nearby active volcano?
Also:
Can I live with you? I've always wanted green grass like that.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-02-26 14:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-02-26 13:47:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did OJ Simpsons gloves get into your backyard?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-26 13:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Rizzo
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-26 13:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-02-26 13:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Personally, I like the bucket that's just sitting in the middle of the lawn.