Advice for Men Part 1 - The house chores (1279 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Garrik (View user info) at 2004-02-26 15:55:05 EST
Ever had your partner bitch at you for not doing enough housework? "Take out the trash" "Clean the dishes" "Unblock the sink" etc. If not, fuck off, I hate you, you lucky bastard.
Now, as I was saying, there are various situations where you are being whined at to do something dull and boring, I will now impart upon you my wisdom for dealing with some of these common issues:
Scenario A: "Clean up all this junk you've cluttered the place up with!"
Solution: The Laundry Chute - It's simple and effective; get a shovel, scoop up junk along with anything else in the way (it probably isn't worth keeping anyway), open laundry chute, empty shovel. Quick and easy. You may ask yourself what happens when the junk builds up alot? Also easy, once a month throw a molotov cocktail down the chute, ash is more compact than junk so you can hold off any serious cleaning work for a few years, then move house.
Scenario B: "Those dishes aren't gonna clean themselves, get on with it!"
Solution: Hide them - No one wants to slave away at the sink for hours cleaning dishes so take the easy choice; hide the dishes. I suggest places like sock drawers, under the bed, in the towel cupboard. If your partner is particularly aware you may need to work harder on your hiding places, but it's worth it, the alternative is to swallow your pride and clean them - not an option. If you start to run out of plates fret not, just use any other flat objects that come to hand; cheeseboard, frying pan, CD case etc. You'd be amazed what you can use as a plate when you practice enough.
Scenario C: "Take out the trash the bin is overflowing!"
Solution: The toilet - that's right, just flush that stuff away, saves going outside (afterall that means finding your shoes in amongst the clutter-strewn wasteland that is your bedroom, unless you already threw them out the laundry chute in which case the option has passed). You may worry about the toilet overflowing, but fear not, this can in itself be a great boon.
Allow me to explain... should you be lucky enough to flush down a real drainblocker all you have to do is set the bathroom on fire, flush, the fire goes out. When your partner gets back they will think you are a hero and give you even more sex than before. For bonus points break your leg and make up a story of heroic struggle to overflow the toilet before it was too late, this means you get to lie in bed for a few weeks whilst your partner cleans up the bathroom, brings you food and sex (for being such a selfless hero) and you can watch TV (assuming you didnt throw it down the laundry chute).
Oh and if anyone asks the fire was because of terrorism, it works for the government.
User Reviews
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2005-10-01 19:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah I don't have much to say usually, I just like to read when I'm bored.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-10-01 19:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You haven't posted in over a year and a half?
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2004-02-27 00:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can see why this only has one review, there is nothing that can be said about it, and I have no idea what score to give it.
Submitted by coran (user info) at 2004-02-26 16:08:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll make use of these rather cunning plans whether I have a partner or not. In exception to the rubbish one that is, as it is unlikely to result in extra sex with no partner.