Traumatizing children for amusement purposes (471 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.66 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <evil_biker_rob.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-27 01:29:09 EST
Somewhere out there is a young girl, 16 to 18 years old, suffering from severe emotional trauma and paranoia all because of me. I hope she hasn't killed anyone.
I was in the Air Force in 1990, living off post in East Dayton, Ohio. The neighborhood was a lower income area (mostly elderly, young families, students, poor white trash, etc), but within me and my roommate's budget, so we dealt with it. Our neighbors on each side of the house we rented were in their 90's and practically stone deaf, which was really cool as I had a stereo capable of causing permanent brain damage and sterility. There was a single Mom about three doors up the street from me, had an infant and a 3 or so year old daughter.
I had just got of work, it was an unseasonably warm day so I figured I'd sit out on the front porch, crack open a cold one and enjoy what was left of the day. The little girl who lived up the street was riding her Strawberry Shortcake Big Wheel up and down the sidewalk in front of my house, always waving and saying "Hi!" as she passed from either direction. She did this at least a dozen times.
Then, off in the distance came the familiar "ding, ding" sound that would send us scrambling for Mom, begging for a dollar for ice cream. She stopped; got off of her Big Wheel and listened for a moment to be sure she was hearing what she thought she was hearing. Then she spun around and enthusiastically yelled "The Ice Cream Man is coming!"
Without much thought to the matter, I answered, "That's not the Ice Cream Man". "Well, who is it then?" she asked. I replied, "It's the Lima Bean Man."
Her smile quickly turned to a look of shear terror. She took off running towards her house, abandoning her Big Wheel and screamed "I HATE THE LIMA BEAN MAN!!!"
She's probably in therapy and taking medication as a result of that, but I figure I saved her Mom a couple bucks each summer.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-27 01:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This more than made me smile, it aroused me and I giggled a little bit to myself. For your uplifting of my soul I grant you with my +1.
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
http://www.luciferindustries.com
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-27 01:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No points for you, because I thought that you were gonna say something the icecream man "cumming" or "creaming." Yeesh, that's not scarring at all.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-27 01:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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