Traumatizing Children, Part II (565 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <evil_biker_rob.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-27 02:24:20 EST
So...You'd like to try this, huh? Here's a few suggestions:
-Buy some empty plastic Easter eggs. When someone in your neighborhood is staging an Easter Egg Hunt, sneak over and hide a few of the filled with cole slaw, creamed corn, Hormel chili, etc.
-When young children (4 and under) come to your door for Halloween, put a whole onion in the bucket and look at the expression on their face. It's priceless. for kids that look too old for trick-or-treating, I palm them an opened packet of mayonnaise or hot sauce so it will eventually get squirted out into their bag contents.
-When driving on the interstate, make faces at kids in other cars until they get all riled up and get yelled at by their parents. You'll be able to tell when they're saying "that guy in that car over there.." Just look over non-chalantly and go back to driving as if uninterested. Repeat once their parents have stopped looking/yelling. After they get yelled at for the 3rd of 4th time make a face at the parents. It makes them feel like assholes (you can see the kids going "SEE??!! I TOLD YA!!")
-Kids always stare in restaurants. Do "See Food" at them. They'll soon get in trouble for doing it. Or, show them how to spray liquid with their straws. If you're lucky, they'll do it to each other...or even better, one of their parents.
This is more aimed at the kids' parents, but it's pretty funny to watch:
If you're in a fast food restaurant where a child's' birthday party is being held, make eye contact with at least one child and start rapidly pushing/pulling your straw in and out of your drink lid to get that annoying squeaking sound. Once you get one kid doing it, the rest will soon follow suit (hopefully there's 10 or more kids). Their parents will soon require a sedative.
User Reviews
Submitted by MistressSarah (user info) at 2004-02-28 22:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You rule. I can't wait until Easter. Muah hahahahaha!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-02-28 06:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of my mother. While she was handing out Halloween candy this past year, I gave her a handful of rocks to give away. I ran up to the store, and when I got back, her face was beet red from laughing. She had given all the rocks away.
At least I know my insanity runs in the family.
Submitted by Arcane884 (user info) at 2004-02-28 05:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Put pennies in the bag. Nothing says im an asshole like a small hand full of pennies.
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-28 05:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's a bit extreme....maybe turn a hose on them.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-02-27 08:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How about when they yeall "trick or tret" you kick them as hard as you can right in the face.
I fucking hate kids.
Nice post though.
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the caramel coated onions on a stick at Haloween!
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Or maybe a caramel coated tomato! I'd pay 50 bucks to see the look on their face whebn they bit into it!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the caramel coated onions on a stick at Haloween!
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You bastard!!
People did stuff like this to me all the time when I was little. "Old" people (meaning, anyone who looked vaguely like an adult) would do stuff like that while I was in the car. Grr on you.
It's okay, though, 'cause I started getting you back when I was 9 and learned what blowjobs were. I'd try my hardest to turn on any old man that I could as we drove past him. Or, if a guy was in a car with what looked like his wife, I'd wave and lick my lips seductively. I still do this, only it's probably actually realistic, since I'm 17, not 9.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-27 02:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried that "push your straw in and out of your drink" trick. I was arrested for trying to seduce a kid.
Thanks alot.
-Sideburns