World's worst reason to end a relationship OR, ould any guy buy this? (740 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.27 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shag_rat <ward_ay.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-27 03:39:13 EST
In my tiny city in rural Ontario, there is a small town bar that my friends and I have unfortunately become regulars at. The bouncer's never i.d. us, and if it's not busy, the bartenders will have our drink of choice waiting at the bar for us as we approach. And on the rare occasion, it doesn't hurt to feel like a big fish in a small pond.
Like when another Regular introduced me to a guy I had been scoping for quite awhile. We'll call him Jimmy, and we hit it off right away. We met at this bar frequently, and became something of a bar couple, never meeting outside those hallowed walls, but always inseparable within them.
A few weeks into this escapade, Jimmy nonchalantly told me that our mothers knew each other; as a matter of fact they had worked together at a local elementary school until my mother retired. They stayed in touch, and my mother frequently filled in for his mom as secretary at the school. I was elated. Anyone whose mother was the secretary at a catholic elementary school had to be acceptable, especially when it seemed that the only requirement my parents had for my next beau was that he wasn't my ex-boyfriend.
Not so. When I woke up the next morning, and told my mother the happy news, a look of horror crossed her face. "Not Jimmy Green!" She exclaimed.
"Yes," I spoke more hesitantly now, my earlier jubilation completely erased. "Why, is there something wrong with him?"
"Well, I don't know...the whole family is messed up." My mother managed to get out, with an expression on her face. "And I'll tell you this much, that boy is very disrespectful to his mother."
Right. Disrespectful to his mother. The guy had been perfectly charming to me, and this seemed to be a pretty lame ass reason to completely write him off. I figured I could win my family around.
But not quite. Family gossip works quickly in my family, and before I knew it, my older sister was calling me to fill me in on the details my mother didn't tell me, like the fact that he's 23 and still 'technically' married, while awaiting his court date for divorce. Or that 'being disrespectful to his mother' included being disrespectful to women in general, to his mother, who told my mom (before I got involved with him) that she "feels sorry for whatever woman ends up stuck with her son."
That right there was enough for me. Mothers (in my experience) are more inclined to be biased towards their offspring, not against.
I don't want to lie to the guy when I end it, b/c as I said, he hasn't done anything to me, but would any guy out there accept "I'd date you, but my sister told me that my mom told her that your mom said you wouldn't be a good boyfriend. Besides, what would we do on a date; get a latte before going to court to await the ending of you marriage?"
Any advice?
User Reviews
Submitted by RandomHero at 2004-02-28 09:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my offer to break his legs still stands...
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-27 14:41:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you continue a relationship with this man, you will regret it.
Submitted by MadJesterVince (user info) at 2004-02-27 14:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're not even seriously going out yet, what if he heard from your ex boyfriend that you are an utter bitch? You'd be pissed if he broke it off with you and that was his reason. Bottom line give him as much trust as your mom, your sis and his mom, which is NONE. Never trust anyone's opinion but your own. If you want to sound like a wishy washy chump go ahead and break it off for that reason, you're a woman so thats perfectly alright for you. I have no patience for people who will believe anything, ever since I was abducted by aliens and placed in the role of the president.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2004-02-27 12:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummmm... why don't you make up your own mind, or can't you think for yourself?
My boyfriend is positively nasty to his mother on occasion, when she deserves it, and his mother says exactly the same thing...
I suggest you judge this guy on how he acts towards you and those close to you, not on hearsay and bitching from your family...
Submitted by shag_rat (user info) at 2004-02-27 11:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you all for the sage advise, and all the insults *grins*
Kaelic - that's a pretty good metaphor, but how about this one; You see a cute puppy and you go to pet it. the owner tells you it's bitten off four people's hands/arms/legs/head. The puppy hasn't done anything to you yet, but with that knowledge, do you really want to keep petting it?
The_taste_of_Monkeys - I've been lurking around uber long enough to see what happens to people who post their pics, so there's no point in disagreeing with you over my weight; besides, if I posted my pic, you'd have to stop making fun of my weight, and you'd prolly move onto insulting my face, so this is def. less hurtful.
tuesdaydelay - point of fact (and I'm actually exposing my nerdiess to you all) the orginal name is Shagrat, who is in orc in LOTR.
Once again, thank you all. I might be seeing him tonight, actually, so maybe there'll be an update on the sitution tmrw.
Submitted by Swik (user info) at 2004-02-27 09:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh, people can change, it is unfair to judge someone on gossip and such. Even if it comes from a reliable source. You never know what some people find disrespectful and if he has been nice to you there really isn't a reason not to. I guess just be wary and be alert for something that may be wrong, however don't go looking for an excuse to just get rid of him. All this changes of course if he has a history of violence or something, men like that are scum.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-02-27 09:48:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Shag rat?
You're camp rat.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1077892642196730257
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-02-27 09:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Normally, I'd insult you.
LISTEN..."but my sister told me that my mom told her that your mom said you wouldn't be a good boyfriend." is not why you're abstaining from dating him. It's "I'd date you, but I hear you're disrespectful to women." That is a PERFECTLY SOUND reason to not date someone.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-02-27 08:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with trout, only whilst flicking the bean you should tape the cation and post it on the net...oh wait, youre probably around three hundred pounds, so on second thoughts dont.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-27 08:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Flick your bean then pray to the little baby jesus to forgive you your sins.
After you've done this you'll realise that everything will be OK.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-02-27 08:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmmmm tell em that you found someone else on the outside.
Or you could tell him that you lost interest.
Either way it seems like hes gonna kill you.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-02-27 08:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop being a coward. If you like the guy, then you suck for allowing your family to influence you like that. Circumstances change, people change ... you don't know his entire story. Maybe his ex-wife turned his mother against him (it's been known to happen) for a bunch of trivial things, and he wants a divorce. Who knows? If a couple people in your family told you a movie sucked, but everything you seemed to know about the movie looked great, would you still decide not to go see it? I'm not saying marry the god damn movie, I'm just saying, go see it.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-02-27 07:25:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kill everyone involved. Including yourself.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-02-27 06:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If he's as nice as he seems, he'll deal with the pain and get over it.
If he's the jerkoff people are telling you he is, then - no matter what you stop seeing him for - he's still going to think horrible things about you and react accordingly.
So what's it matter?
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-27 05:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Um, have you had any indication that he's discourteous to women? I mean, there's got to be some reason you like him, right? (I'm assuming that you're not one of these, "please, sir, my I have another" women, btw.) Keep ye emotional distance, and just observe him. If your mom and sister are right (which is probable), no harm done, and you can just back off; if they turn out to be wrong, or you disagree, you can kinda hone back in.
Or maybe I'm wrong.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-27 04:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shame on those who judge others based on the judgements OF others.
Use what you hear about somebody as a basis of information, not as fact. You don't know him that well and you know his situation with his family even less. If you like him so far, go on your instincts, always. Keep what you hear in the back of your mind and dismiss items as they are proven wrong, or confirm them with observation. Never let slander get in between somebody you hardly know.
Those who speak against the devil often have forked tongues themselves.
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-02-27 04:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Canadian women (and men) are completely helpless when it comes to relationships; Canadian culture does not lend itself to instilling confidence in either gender when it comes to coupling, it's all very British-hush-hush non-issue type thing. Most couples stumble into one another by luck, everyone is so self conscious and shy. One thing about America, the girls don't mind asking a guy to dance; in Canada, it's tantamount to a marriage proposal. Canadians are uptight in that department. In Montreal, however, everyone loves sex & gets along great!
Seriously tho, you know, you can tell EVERYTHING about a man by the way he treats women. That's something women aren't supposed to know, so keep it to yourself.
I suggest you quit talking to your mother about him & just take it easy & relax. At the first sign of any behavior / attitude problems, dump him & THEN you can let him know why. it doesn't have to be anything big either, as long as it is something. If you're going to dump him on your Mom & sister's heresay, you may as well let them date your next boyfriend for you too. Whose life is it anyway? YOURS, so live it!
You are young, now is the time to experiment and play with fire. Have FUN with this guy, just be well aware. be HONEST with him, and if it ever comes up, let him know his reputation sucks. this will then place you at an even GREATER advantage, now that he knows you date him despite the fact you know he is damaged goods. He'll really need to tow the nice guy line now.
One last thing, and you can use this gem on ALL your future relationships; between 2 people, whoever loves the LEAST controls the direction of the relationship. So go be the boss & have fun!
Dating is all about strategy, intrigue, suspense, terror, games and trickery. And you're supposed to marry the one that your bullshit won't work on. And DON'T GET PREGNANT! good luck!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:54:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
time to find a new bar, methinks.
at least for a while till this whole thing blows over.
it appears youre at a perfect position here.
this is where you can maintain a friendship with the jackass, but dont let it get serious.
Submitted by BikerRob (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had the same problem with my Mom throughout my life. what sucks about it is: she's always right.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-27 03:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ask him to check the gas in your oven, but only while you're not home... and be sure to blow out the pilot light first... and turn it on... and flee the scene.
Really, I haven't a clue. Sorry, I'm terrible at dumping people.