Norton AntiVirus is the spawn of the devil (2002 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.57 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mike Witcombe <mikethescottish.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-27 17:51:24 EST
Being a regular user of the internet, I keep anti-virus software installed, lest any sociopathic geek decides to rampage on my hard drive. Up until a week ago, it was great. No matter what virus, what trojan, whatever the internet threw at my, my faithful Norton AntiVirus would pick it up, flash a (for once) informatively concise pop-up and provide idiot-proff ways of disposing of the threats. A fortnight ago, the program celebrated its first birthday on my machine. 'So what?' you may say. Well, my former ally has turned against me. My guide in the catacombs of the webs became the monster.
First thing, Norton AntiVirus is a subscription deal, so when I bought the software, I only had a licence for a year. Not a problem, I thought. By then i'd either download a hack or find a cheaper- or better, free- equivalent. So two weeks ago, i'm sitting at my computer, angry at the fact that i'm broke and can't afford to go out. A pop up comes up on my desktop. A bleak-looking window informs me that my AntiVirus subscription is out of date, and that I should pay more to keep getting updates. I'm pissed off because i'm broke and can't be arsed to look for a replacement, but figure that, even though the updates won't work, the program will be much the same. I told it to remind me again in the longest period it allowed- a day (of course, it just HAS to remind me). Mumbling curses under my breath, I fell asleep.
Imagine my shock when, the next day, in a frenzied bout of Call of Duty, my rifle jerks a few times then freezes. The sounds of my dying team-mates loop in an endless orgy of violence. Angry but knowing the tempramental nature of my computer, I wait for the infamous 'blue screen of death'. It doesn't come. Instead, my Garand rifle is suddenly blocked by a bleak-looking pop-up. It was Norton AntiVirus. Again. Screaming in righteous fury, I told it to remind me again in a day and tried to get back into the game. Realising the futility, I restarted my machine, and preceded to eat everything in my fridge and launch a quest to find some booze. I fail.
Sunday now, and all I want to do is kick back and watch the DVD of 'The Crow' that i'd bought. Half-way through, out of the sprawling metropolis of the film springs a bleak-looking pop-up. Norton has again, ruined my day. In a moody rage, I decide to watch the film the next day. But it didn't stop there. Every day for a fortnight, whether i'm gaming, working or watching films (the three pillars of my existance), Norton rears its ugly head. Every attempt I make to stop the damn thing, short of uninstalling the program, has failed. And i'm still getting trojans and God knows what else, so I need the software. I implore you, do not buy Norton AntiVirus. Buy a cheap imitatation, get a hack (which I can't find), just let spotty outcasts rampage on your computer. Get your computer blessed by a priest. Whatever. Please, please do not join the ranks of the angry, moody receivers of Norton AntiVirus's 'friendly reminders. If Mr. Norton were here, i'd force him into cramped student accomodation and make him endure his reminders. See how he likes it.
User Reviews
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2004-11-23 18:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*Auto +2 for being DREAMY!*
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-06-07 10:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cos your Scottish :)
I quite liked the picture.....guess I am still new enough here to be amused by such things :)
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-06-03 16:04:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God this sucks. I come across like a whiny little kid. My apologies, Uber, I have sinced learned that posting crap with MS Paint photos is a bad idea.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-28 16:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-03-08 10:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY SCOTLAND!
thers me, you and trout confirmed Scotsman now. SOON WE WILL RULE UBERSITE AHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Or just get rascally drunk, whatever.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-03-03 16:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the tip, it worked. See? Making crap posts does have its upside.
Submitted by Arcane884 (user info) at 2004-02-28 05:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You know there are plenty of free antivirus programs on the net.
http://www.grisoft.com/us/us_index.php
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-02-28 00:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hahahahaha good one, Yes.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-02-27 18:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
10 easy steps to crack Norton:
1) Click "Start" then click "Run"
2) Type in "regedit" (without the quotes)
3) Click on the "+" next to "HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE"
4) Right click on "Software"
5) Left click "Delete"
6) Unplug the computer
7) Tie the cord around your neck
8) Hang yourself
9) Die
10) There.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-27 18:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's better than McAfee.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-02-27 18:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I know. When sad little nobodies on Ubersite hate you, you know your life is no longer worth living.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-02-27 17:54:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You have a very pathetic life.