Bestiality- When No One Else Will Love You. (3047 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.82 on 75 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by polyamorousaj <thexmangambit.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-28 19:43:02 EST
Yes, it's spelled bestiality- sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal- a definition that is despicable and inaccurate... you have to let the animal be on top sometimes. On to the post...
The issue of gay marriage has been a very heated discussion for the past week or so now, and many people have said different things about it. Many equate homosexuality to besiality, and that bestiality is terrible. Bestiality may be disgusting to some, but it is a necessary aspect of life.
Everybody needs to be loved, it's a fact of life. People who do not experience love wind up going crazy. Many people cannot find compatible human love, albeit through their lack of social skills or overall appearance. Many users on Ubersite will eventually fall victim to this condition, such as Mary, Surge and Captain Smee. These poor souls will realize that they have never known true love, aside from their beloved animal friends.
The only affection these ugly outcasts have ever known has come from their animal friends, and they feel the need to reciprocate. I say we let these people marry. As Dean Martin says, "everybody needs somebody sometime." It's only a matter of time before this becomes the next central issue, so we should take it on now.
Many of you may be crying fowl because animals cannot possibly consent to a marriage. On the contrary, animals can express love. Dogs will lick your face, cats will purr, and goats will try to piss on their own heads to show that they are ready for love. You may still be doubting me, so in the ceremony of the wedding, when they ask for objections, as a final test someone from the crowd will call to the animal. The crowd member and the bride/groom will both call to the animal, and if it stays with its spouse it was meant to be.
You may be shouting right now that giving animals the right to marry equates them to people. Well, is that such a bad thing? If you prick an animal, does it not bleed? If you grab a rabbit by the hind legs and bash it against a wall does it not sound creepily like a screaming woman? Yes and yes.
Animal-human marriages will be great for the government because they will get all of the money from marriage taxes and licenses. If we allow these couples to adopt, there will be many orphans who will finally have a home AND a pet. I always wanted a dog, and my parents suck ass compared to a dog, so these orphans would be better off.If these couples do not have children, we can alter the animal's will to leave its money to us and have it put to sleep for being rabid or something. That would rule so much.
To all you nay-sayers out there, don't knock it till you try it. We have to allow people their civil rights, and if someone wants the right to shtup a Siamese they should have it. We can't discriminate, people. I think I've made my point pretty clear, so here's a picture of a dog being escorted to the altar.
User Reviews
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-12-01 00:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember reading this post a long while pack. Classic.
Submitted by HawkeyesTheGAME (user info) at 2004-10-23 18:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 17:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are not even beneath my contempt.
Submitted by YourloCalMayor <Vodavichick.at.Yahoo.com> at 2004-09-03 23:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is disgusting. Pig vomit.
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-27 22:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Think of the children!
Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey, what's wrong with porking a pork every now and then?
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still funny
Submitted by retarded_ape123 (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to marry a horse
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahah!
At least I was raped!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No drugs.
Stone sober.
Maybe this is how I got my reputation as a sheepfucker on this site.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really don't know what drugs you're on...
But I want some.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-26 21:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, Fetish... even with all the retaliation -2s, this post is still equal to your best post ever.
Tool.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 comes from the heart.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not even going to ask, JonnyBoy.
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh...
+2 For making me think of Tori (Some people will never find true love) well I have, so fuck all you that haven't
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*Retaliation.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobb, please. Don't give me a retalitation -2. That would just kill me inside.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Freak
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-08-26 19:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is almost as bad as shut the fuck up.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-07-24 02:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well written
Submitted by socialdropout (user info) at 2004-04-11 03:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do you feel better now???
awsome writer...
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-11 02:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbingly disturbing.
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-04 14:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA Was funny as hell
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-04 13:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigandsexy (user info) at 2004-03-03 21:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hashahahahaha
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-03-03 20:58:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm.....sheep...
Submitted by Squatttail (user info) at 2004-03-03 20:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY? WHY MUST YOU MAKE MY SIDES ACHE?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-02 16:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha... I actually came up with the title before the post.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-03-02 03:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The title made my day.
Maximum rulage.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-01 11:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha... +2 for that last comment. I laughed, does that make me a bad person?
Submitted by Mary <captain_smee.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-03-01 05:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
blow me
Submitted by rabbidmonkey (user info) at 2004-02-29 23:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nope
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-02-29 21:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 21:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha. I don't pay much attention to guilt trips, Viv.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-29 21:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHA, tony now you're the jerk. Look at that, skware is so sad. Meh, he brought it on himself.
Submitted by Skware (user info) at 2004-02-29 21:31:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I apologize. I didn't realize this was so important.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, thanks a lot.
Submitted by Skware (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
makes sense to me
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone tried to sabotage me? I feel so loved.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
..fish fucker.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*attempt
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-29 18:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, by the way random joe, your rating doesn't count.
nice attepmnt.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-29 18:59:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by cabbageking at 2004-02-29 18:54:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
hahah, just to mess up ur "score"
--------
what a dumbass.
Submitted by cabbageking at 2004-02-29 18:54:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hahah, just to mess up ur "score"
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 18:33:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha... no promises here.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-29 18:25:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here ya go daddy. Don't get too excited.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 15:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
On a side note, the picture originally said, What Have I Done? at the bottom. I wanted to write, "I can't believe that bitch wore white" but it wouldn't fit in a very big font.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-02-29 15:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 15:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Getting ganged up on here. Ouch. And as for the birds, I think that you could marry certain birds, i.e. macaws and parrots. They can say "I do" so they can consent. As for the getting down to business, that's up to those sick animal fuckers to figure out.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-29 14:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh animal lovin'
what about birds? that would be kinda hard wouldn't it. you'd get pecked to death!
and when you pet a cat in heat BAAAADDDD things happen! bad smelly things happen, that is.
Submitted by MistressSarah (user info) at 2004-02-29 14:36:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-02-29 14:26:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
polyamorousaj, if you're that lonely and desperate I say go for it :p
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With all the girlies calling him Daddy, Poly shouldn't have to resort to that quite yet.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-02-29 14:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
polyamorousaj, if you're that lonely and desperate I say go for it :p
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-29 14:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://marryyourpet.com/
HAHA! I told you this was on boredatwork, so there's a reference site for anyone who wants to take poly's advice seriously.
You should consider it yourself buddy. You shouldn't deny what's in your heart, ya know?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 13:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, you don't have to buy a ring, the animal will just futilely scratch at it to try and get it off and just get their legs stuck under it.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 13:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Polly-waddle doodle. That's good.
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-29 10:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Question: Does one have to buy an engagement ring?
Submitted by RandomHero at 2004-02-29 10:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahhah good stuff
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-02-29 02:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Laugh at the story but mainly I love the caption on the picture. Haha the bitch is a whore!
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-02-29 02:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm scared of you now.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-29 01:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And your name makes me think of "Polly-wally doodle".
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-29 01:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend's little cousin + goat = $1
You don't wanna know.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-02-28 22:57:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" you have to let the animal be on top sometimes"
" If you prick an animal, does it not bleed? If you grab a rabbit by the hind legs and bash it against a wall does it not sound creepily like a screaming woman? "
Priceless!
+2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-28 22:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha... go for the hippos.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-28 21:02:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressSarah (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we're on the same page -- http://www.ubersite.com/m/26320
Skip the domestics. Go for hippos.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sideburns, you're lying... my cat's never been the same.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:15:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was ready to -2 this post because I disagreed. Then the picture made me see the light and understand where you're coming from.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha... oh man, that's a post waiting to happen.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post comes at an akward time. Just last week, I learned a very valuable lesson the hard way:
Never overpet a cat in heat.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-28 20:05:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just spit pop out of my mouth. again.
you do this to me a lot.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-28 19:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've done my job.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-28 19:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am at a loss for words.