Review: Hentai Dating Sims (13249 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 0.64 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by KoolMang <baba_booey_shooey.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-02 00:21:25 EST
I know. I hate "The Sims", too. What the fuck, WHY did they make so many expansions? If I suddenly got into that game, I'd be spending well over $400 on the game AND expansions! This isn't anything like "The Sims", however. What am I talking about? Let me tell you...
"Hentai" is a Japanese word for "Perverted". It is basically Japanese Anime porn, and arguably the best porn in the known world. "Manga" is a comic-line, which is Hentai, but has guys raping girls. Anyway, back to the plot. I found on Newgrounds a collection of dating sims. These are just fun games you can play if you're bored. Let me tell you, I tried most of them, and it sure beats real dates. This actually makes dating FUN! Well...it doesn't enhance REAL dating, but it puts you in a Hentai-style environment, with all the quirks and whatnot. Here are my reviews (in order of games I played in chronological order):
Oh yeah, here's the site you can access them at:
http://www.newgrounds.com/collections/datingsims.html
1)LOVE HINA SIM DATE RPG - Well, this game was quite fun. It's hard to get used to, but it isn't a big area, so it's quite easy to get to know. You start out waking up from a bad dream, where some entity is talking to you. Basically, your quest is, within 100 days, you have to fuck one of the Hina girls, and you are the manager of the hotel (until your grandma gets back in 100 days to take over). Now imagine a REALLY SHITTY first post on Ubersite. Like one that uses the words "lol" and "fuck I'm so fucking stoned!". The girls in this game are FUCKED UP. The fighting system is you fighting the girls, because they're so psycho. Each girl you interact with is different, obviously. If you talk to them, your relationship experience increases, as if you were to beat them in a fight, or if you give them gifts, or if you succeed in kissing them on dates, etc. Very fun game, but once you fuck one, you have to fuck 'em all! Cheats to make the game go by quicker are found at http://www.forkheads.tk
2)HENTAI - SIMGIRL - THIS is the game I started with, it's so great and fun. It hasn't been completed yet, but it will be. Same dating system as in HINA SIM, but the guys you fight are guys who snatch your girl on a date (at the end), and try and rape her. You have to beat them to save her. Oh yeah, if you succeed, you get to watch a SICK Hentai video of you 2 fucking. In elaboration to both games, you increase your stats in HINA SIM based on intelligence, magic (to cast fight spells), and strength. In SIMGIRL, you have intelligence, charm, and strength. Each character attribute is measured by specific jobs you can do to earn money. For example, if you work in SIMGIRL as a drug dealer (which you can get busted for), it is measured by 1.7 and your total strength, I think. The more strength you have, the more you make, that's just an example. Try this game for sure. You can only fuck Tomoko at the moment, but with a future update, you can fuck the other 2 girls.
3)GANGURO GIRL - Okay, I don't like black chicks. Put your racism aside, and try this game, it is an adaptation of SIMGIRL, the interface is really cool, you can do crazy camera action at the city view! Now one thing that's similar about this game and SIMGIRL is, that on dates, you have to pamper your chick. There is a system of item usage (if she's crying, use a handkerchief), gifts (to make her like you more on the date), talking (Answer her questions right, and she'll be happier), taking a photo when she's REALLY happy makes her happier, and then at the right moment, you kiss her, and the date is a success, and your relationship experience REALLY increases. Sadly, I failed at this particular one. Bitch.
4)Frank's Adventure, 1 and 2 - This is a game where you have to hunt (in a town in 1, and a city in 2) for naked pictures to give to a BoobsIllustrated company. It's a 2D game, similar to the old Zelda games, it's really cute and fun in that sense. A must-try.
5)EVA 4 DATING SIM RPG - I'm not sure what the game Evangelion was, but this is based in that world. You have to get with one of 2 chicks, basically, and on Tuesdays and Sundays, fight off Angels in the arena. It's a bit irritating to try to win, but it's addictive the first try.
That's all she wrote, I'm afraid. There are more games, but I either haven't played them, or they suck. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed playing this! And remember...
...these dating sims are more fun than the real thing. I'd know.
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-05 20:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Weena <moonlitefree.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-05-05 18:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh and by the way, if these games are better than the real thing than you must not be doing it right. TRUST ME.
Submitted by Weena <moonlitefree.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-05-05 17:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
First of all the Ganguro girls are not black there smart person! If you got anywhere in the game then you would know that they are just tan! That's why you have to buy tanning lotion. If they were black then they would NOT have to get tan. You're just upset that you didn't get anywhere in the game. I'll help you out this time. In in name screen make sure you back space first and then put each entry in as 20. It should give you enough stuff(if you're not too incompetent) that you can win. You really should not be posting since you seem to not know anything about these games.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-04-27 17:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't like the Sims either.
But I never understood hentai at all. Why would someone in their fucking right mind want to jack off to cartoons? They're not real, they are fucking drawings. People who can get off to drawings of people with blue spiky hair and super saiyan powers need a fork rammed into their urethra.
Just watch real porn.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-28 02:59:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
err. Evangelion kicks ass. To get the ending, watch the movie. Everything falls into place.
Submitted by Sloth (user info) at 2004-03-17 16:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Making a hentai out of this is like making a porno out of Citizen Kane."
Comparing a cartoon to Citizen Kane... so, so wrong. Ugh, Jesus Christ. Wake up and smell the rose bud.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-03-15 02:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking Neon Genesis Evangelion. Fuck you for making me watch every episode and then having a confusing ass ending where everyone dies.
Submitted by TomminyCrap (user info) at 2004-03-04 21:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2004-03-02 20:28:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
something about the name KoolMang
just says Automatic -2 in my mind...
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-03-02 01:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Carrot or the stick?
You should still hate that Iraq guy. I still hate you.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:56:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Evangelion is an anime.
It's also the most incredible, enigmatic, inspired, disturbing, thought-provoking, and fucking mindblowing
anime of all time.
Imagine 2001: A Space Odyssey meets Freudian/Jungian pyschology meets Paradise Lost meets Ender's Game with the sharpest, bloodiest, most brutal action ever.
Making a hentai out of this is like making a porno out of Citizen Kane.
I can't believe they whored it out, but trust me, EVERYBODY should watch the series, despite how controversial it is, and especially the last few episodes and the movies. HOLY SHIT.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Loser to the max.
Submitted by iloveamerica (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cuz he hates the sims too
Submitted by iloveamerica (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:37:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cuz koolmang wrote this and we both hate toronto! plus he has good taste in games.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was really good.
But you are still a cunt.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One day you suck, the next day you write a decent post, then you suck again, then you write a decent post.
Pick one.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:25:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Frank's adventures are the only good ones, they are classic rpg, only too short
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-03-02 00:23:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best. Post.
3\/@|2!!!!