Envy of the Homeless (680 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <daswk.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-02 08:06:38 EST
I wake up today, and damn if it wasn't worse than Monday. I feel like shit and am tired as hell. Surprise, surprise. Going through the morning routine I feel like I could fall asleep standing up I am that tired. I get in the car and make my way in.
On the way to class I notice a bum on the side of the road, sleeping in his own filth. I must admit friends, I am ashamed to say I was struck with a feeling of great envy. Here I was going to class like a sucker while this man had nothing to do.
Think about it, bums have the perfect life. They answer to nobody, sleep as late as they want, go where they want, and don't take shit from anyone. Passing by a homeless man you overlook him, you see him as down and out. Unlucky, filthy, and poor. I see through that clever disguise, to the true man within.
Past the several inch layers of dirt, under the tattered rags, matted hair, and old electronic parts beats the heart of a genius, a mad man, but a genius none the less. He spends his day doing three things, sleeping, scavenging for food, and fighting crime. It is a little known fact that most bums are actually super heros, I know it sounds strange, but every homeless person is really an abandoned government experiment. They were given special powers that made them immune to taxes, jobs, homes, and other people.
Or maybe they are just as they seem, big losers who couldn't hack it in the world. I don't like to look at them like that, it is much more fun to imagine them as super heros, it makes them easier to envy. Regardless, the lifestyle of a bum is a beautiful one indeed, how I wish I had the will to break free from the shackles imposed upon me by society and escape from this world of toil.
Actually I am more of a lazy asshole who is too apathetic to even my own mundane existence to bother to change a thing, but deep down I still have the longing. Driven by the deep exhaustion in my core to seek that life, only with more money, lots more money. As I pondered these thoughts the bum rolled over again and through up all over the place, he didn't care. He just turned over and fell back asleep in his own body fluids, he was just that much at peace with the world around him.
For you see when you are a bum, all the world is your bed, and other people are just bed bugs.
User Reviews
Submitted by Swik (user info) at 2004-03-02 14:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was by no means to poke fun at the homeless or their situation,well not really, it was meant just as a piece of humor.
Submitted by Crux (user info) at 2004-03-02 13:00:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-03-02 12:10:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"For you see when you are a bum, all the world is your bed, and other people are just bed bugs"
made me laugh out loud...great line
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-03-02 10:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just one or two problems.
1. A huge percentage of the homeless are severely mentally ill, and they're homeless because they've been unable to navigate the system that could provide them assistance. When you're schitzophrenic and you think you're Jesus or you feel like bugs are crawling under your skin or you hear voices, it's a pretty safe bet that you're going to have a hard time filling out forms to get medical assistance and disabillity.
2. The homeless are far more likely than you or I to be victims of crime.
But, you've got to do waht you love. If you want to be a bum, be one. I had a teacher who said he wanted to be "a lover or a bum". He failed at both, I suppose, and ended up teaching voice and speech to actors.
SpikeGoddess