"Ew, What Is It?!" (2398 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.42 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-03-02 14:38:49 EST
After moving into my new home, I'm finding many old magazines, video tapes, and audio tapes. One audio tape in particular caught my eye. It was labeled ''Justin's Birth". Now, who in the hell would want to record just the SOUND of a birth? I figured it wouldn't be too bad since there wasn't any visual to scar me for life. My parents had already scarred me enough, I was invincible. I found this tape interesting since I know my mom didn't want to be there. She's told me many times that she missed ''Days of Our Lives'' because she was having me. When her water broke, she didn't tell my dad because she didn't want to miss the soap opera. When Dad found out, he convinced her to go to the hospital if he'd tape the rest of the show for her. Come to think, I would have been born on the floor of a shitty-ass apartment building if it weren't for the invention of the VCR.
So, I popped in the audio tape, and here are some audio snippets of what I heard:
Doctor- Push, Deborah(he actually said Mrs. -insert last name- but I'd rather not be stallked)
Mom- Damnit! Get this thing out of me!!
Dad- Deborah, you said you wanted a natural birth, c'mon, you're doing good.
Fast foward.
Doctor-C'mon, one more big push and he'll be out!
Mom- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone in the room claps and sighs of relief expell as my mom curses at the nurses.
*smack* WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Doctor- Here you go, here's your baby!
Mom- Ewww, I'm not gonna touch it! Clean it off first!
After I'm given my bath or whatever they do to decontaminate babies, she held me and had a long conversation with my dad....
''What do you want to name it, Deb?"
"I dunno. Is it a girl or a boy?"
Thanks for reading..
-It.
User Reviews
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-05-02 07:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It. Bwahahahahahaaaaaa!
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-03 06:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-02 17:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You look eerily like a cat.
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2004-03-02 16:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, if this is true your mom should be sterilized. You may of turned out ok, but anyone who thinks a fucking tv show is more important than a birth has serious problems.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-02 16:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Entertaining... at the end.
I fowth the pwevious sentiment.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-02 16:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin -
I think that QM, RB, and Mac are right. I think that Kristen, Steve, you, and I should quit with the baby talk.
Just kidding.
I WUV WU!!
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to have to second Mac on this one. Knock it off with the damn baby talk already.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I third.
If Quarter, Mac, and RB all agree on something, you know its BAD news.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:50:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, they named you 'it'?
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn!!!
-Black Ninja
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to have to second Mac on this one. Knock it off with the damn baby talk already.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm suwe Ewika wuvs you too, Mac. Haha, I'm sorry. Saying something is better than leaving No Comment though...
Submitted by shag_rat (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ughhh, I don't know, I'd prolly still find that scarring. Of course, I am the adopted result of some immaculate conception, so i wouldn't know. *grins*
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns,
I like your posts and this one is great and all but can you do something about your groupies reviews? I mean for the love of god, why I am reading reviews like - "wuv wu too justy"? It makes me sick...nah, I'm just pwayin wif ya, I wuv you.
Ugh. It just took a year off my life to write that last joke. Sometimes it's just not worth it.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It. Haha. That's even faster to type than Justy or Burns.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JMG114 stole my juice.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-03-02 15:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was hysterical. Good thing you didn't find a tape labeled, "Justin's Conception."
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-03-02 14:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the age reminder.
No one could tape shows on the VCR when I was being delivered.
*sigh*
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-02 14:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wuv wu too justy.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-02 14:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went through all the motions of reading this and when I saw you rated my post I realized I forgot to rate yours. Whoooops.
+2 for not being afraid to make a spectacle of your family and never failing to make me laugh.
:-)
ewika
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-02 14:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh...
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-03-02 14:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sympathy +2