Uberia: Chapter XIX The McGuddah Artifact (728 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.79 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Scratch <lordofthepost.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-04 01:18:03 EST
Mystery and Adventure await in the world of Cyber and the lands of Uberia as war strikes without warning and sometimes good does not always rule over evil. Journey to a land where the internet meets the dark ages meets Ubersite. A struggle between those that work hard to uphold the post, and those that work hard to destroy the post. Welcome to Uberia. Read the post that started it all here...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/23306
Comment and you could live the story...
Uberia: Chapter XIX The McGuddah Artifact
General Tak and his fellow paladins stood in sheer surprise as Loren explained what Microsoft was planning. She told them of her capture and escape from XP during her diplomatic journey for peace. During the time that she and her companions were locked away, they had heard and had seen many disturbing things. After almost two months of imprisonment, she had pieced it together. Microsoft was planning Uberian genocide. His forces and leadership, however, were placed towards fighting the Macs and the Penguins, teamed with the fear that his attacks on the Uberians would make them martyrs, he needed another way to place the Uberians on the defensive. This, she explained, was where McBain came to become his ally. McBain was already hated by the Uberians, and no one would suspect an alliance between a resurrected post-killer and a superpower like Microsoft. The alliance was kept silent, but Boss Gates allowed McBain to create an army using the familiar machine which has since been destroyed, Hotmail. McBain and his army were given orders to take out the leadership in Uberia and the surrounding areas, while Microsoft prepared for a full scale attack to cleanse the lands.
"This is insane", General Tak said, "Why Uberians? Why would he focus his efforts on us?"
"Because we are free-thinkers, we can pull from the power of the post at will, and we are not limited as to how we use it, this is an act that is forbidden and punishable by death in Microsoft" explained Loren "This makes Uberians a huge threat to Microsoft's conquest when his own troops are limited in what they can and cannot post.
"We are already outnumbered by McBain's forces, but Microsoft has over a quarter of a million soliders" Tak said hopelessly
"Most of which are now oversees fighting another war, but he's not defenseless. Boss Gates is working on a prototype battle armor that can replicate posts." Loren looked out towards the shadowy castle of XP, "I've seen them test it General, this battle suit can replicate sixty post-kills per minute. If the Microsofs use these suits in battle, our posters would be helplessly slaughtered and mowed down with ease."
"It doesn't get much worse than this" said William Q. Percy, holding his head down.
"But it does", Loren said as she continued on, "Boss Gates has also spent the past four years developing the ultimate weapon, he calls it the Xbox. It's a machine capable of launching a gathered source of the post into the sky, the missile would then explode over a target, raining post-kills down upon the target like a meteor shower, and devastating all that stands under it's wraith."
"Dear Uber, what are we going to do?" Said Hairsphincter, thinking that all hope is now officially lost.
"We are going to get out of here." Loren said as she snapped out of her trance and sheathed her dagger. "We are going to find Lord Bart, and report to him our findings. I do know that Boss Gates hesitates on his attack until he receives confirmation from McBain that Lord Bart is dead. For some reason, he fears our King, and will not strike until he knows that the sovereign is dead. We are going to do what we know to do, protect our Sovereign." General Tak nodded at Loren, "Alright then, you heard her, let's get out of this hellhole."
At the same time, the same news was also being told to Loki and her friends by Maddox. Maddox had explained however, that Boss Gates was unaware of the damage he was causing, which would lead to the eventual Blue Sky of Death. This would kill everyone, including Gates.
"This is unreal, I just can't believe it's happening like this", Loki said as she grabbed a column to support her weakening knees, "If Gates concentrated on us, we would be wiped out completely in days."
"That's why you are going to return to Uberia, and fight McBain and Koolmang." Maddox said calmly.
"How do we fight against these odds, McBain, Koolmang, the Triad, and now Microsoft." She launched her fist into the column, "It's just too much." She placed her forehead softly against the column as she began to sigh.
Maddox walked over to her, "I can help you but I cannot go with you, I have matters that I must attend to here, but I want you to know that I will be sending out my elite warriors on another mission, one that I hope would slow Microsoft down a bit should they try to strike early." He stared down the long hallway, "I must remain here." He looked dazed for a minute, and then glanced over at Ed Dee. "If I help you, you must agree to help me, all for the good of Uberia."
Loki looked unsettled, "How exactly can we help you Maddox?"
"Leave Ed Dee here with me, for reasons that are my own"
"WHAT?" Screamed Loki in protest, "Maddox we are already short a couple thousand troops, and you want to keep one more of our fighters here?"
"He is green, and little use to you out on the battlefield, allow me to work with him here, and I will give you an ancient artifact that will aid you in your upcoming war." Loki looked at the others, then at Ed Dee, Ed looked confused, as if to say, why in the hell would he want me to stay behind. Maddox turned to Ed. "Ed Dee, if you want me to help them, you must agree to stay here, and then I will give them aid." He turned back to the others, "That is my final offer."
Loki hesitantly nodded, along with Ed Dee who still seemed confused with the situation. Maddox walked over to one of the many tables where his plethora of candles rested, and pulled back the bear fur that covered the table. He struggled a bit but grabbed a medium sized object from underneath. He carried it in front of his stomach with both hands. When he moved closer, Loki could make out a small granite statue of a large bald man sitting on a rock. "What the hell is that?" She asked
"This, Loki, is the McGuddah. This is an ancient artifact, very powerful, and I am going to teach you how to unleash its fury." He plopped the large statue into the arms of Loki, "Go, now you know what is at stake, at all costs, you must take back Uberia, and I will try and stall Microsoft"
"And if you fail?" Loki asked
"Pray that I do not, my plan is to buy you the precious time you need to gather an army large enough to stop Gates and his army" He signaled at his men, "Dlove will arrange for horses. As we speak your King prepares to go to war with Koolmang who is now approaching Boredatwork. You must come to his aid quickly"
"And how do I call the powers of the McGuddah?"
Maddox walked over to her, leaned in and whispered in her ear.
"Hell no, I'm not saying that!"
"It's the only way to awake him from his slumber, trust me!"
Loki turned her glare from Maddox to Ed Dee as her eyes softened, "Farewell friend, I have to trust that Maddox has good intentions for holding back a much needed warrior in our efforts, Good luck in your future travels" She grasped his hand in friendship, gave Maddox a final glance, and turned towards the door. They rode out of the forest and back through Yahoo, racing towards the aid of their King.
Bargled patted Maddox on the back, "Do you think they will succeed Lord Maddox?"
"Time will only tell my friend, now if you will excuse me, Mr. Dee and I have matters to attend to"
"Yes milord, guys, let's go!" He said as he signaled for the others to join him outside.
As the last of the men walked through the iron doors and the gates slammed shut, Maddox turned towards Ed. "Thank you for staying friend, please make yourself comfortable." Ed Dee wondered how he could do that with not a single chair in the entire room, "Lord Maddox why did you ask that I stay behind?" He asked. Maddox chose to answer with another question, "Do you know what these statues are?" He glanced over to the four large statues at the head of the room. Ed Dee took a long stare, and then answered, "No Lord Maddox, I do not."
"These statues are living entities, the Four Horsemen. These men aided me in banishing the triad during their first reign of terror." Ed Dee followed him as he moved closer to the statues, "These men fought with valor and managed to aid me during a time of need, and in thinking that they would grow old and die before the prophesized second reign of evil, they had asked that I cast a script that would freeze them in time, to be called upon again when the triad returns. Then the Four Horsemen: DrinkDDT, Ryan Donovan, Lowsodiummonkey, and Ranger Rick would return with their King, the Lordofthepost, to once again return them to the fiery hells in which they belong." Maddox let out a sigh, looking up at the cold prison that held Lowsodiummonkey. The statue stood tall, displaying a tall and powerful figure on a large warhorse. "I'm getting old Ed, and I don't think I will be riding with the Horsemen this time. Come with me, I want to show you something."
Ed Dee followed silently, listening and learning of his new master's story, as he moved through a side door into a small room. In the small closet room stood an ornate suit of armor, weapons of every kind lined the walls, and a table with a rolled parchment. "This suit of armor was what I had worn on that day, when we cast the triad into hell, these were my weapons. Pseudo-weapons anyway, my real weapons were these." He held out his glowing hands, they cast a glow that was white hot, almost blinding Ed from its light. "I want you to go over there, and fetch that scroll" Ed turned and walked over to get the aged parchment that stood by itself on the table, "Ed, I must apologize" Maddox said as Ed picked up the parchment, "For what Lord Maddox?"
"For this" Light filled the room as Maddox called the post from both his hands and sent them screaming towards Ed Dee. The posts continued from his hands as they met Ed Dee's back, sending him flying into the wall. Maddox continued to pour the power of the post into his back, until Ed's flesh was stripped from his body. Ed opened his mouth but no sound came out, light replaced sound as Maddox continued to burn his very soul with the power of the post. Finally, it was over, his hands were smoking, still casting a dim glow. Maddox walked out and locked the door behind him.
"It is done"
MickGinny crouched silently in the woods with Razor and Lisa. The others crouched behind him as they watched a swarm of post-killers march along the trail.
"You think that looks like Koolmang?" whispered Razor.
"Can't be sure, but it sure looks like him in that tacky red outfit" Answered MickGinny.
"How many of them are there?" Queen Ashlee said in a hushed tone
"Probably about twenty" Answered MickGinny
"I'm getting bored; do you want to have some fun?" SpikeGoddess asked
"Fuck those Liberals, let's take em out"
To be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by negative2man. (user info) at 2004-07-15 10:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2004-04-17 02:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for re-creating Maddox as a Yoda-like figure! He's a character if there ever was one.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2004-04-17 02:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! Beautifully written! I don't visit this site often, but one thing I look forward to is your installments of the ongoing saga of Uberia. You have a wonderful imagination.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-06 19:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's hear more about the Four Horsemen...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-04 18:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i missed this one somehow...
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-03-04 16:14:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great.... that's all i've got... great.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-03-04 12:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-03-04 10:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-04 09:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1 am? That baby is not affecting your sleep patterns is she?
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-03-04 09:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick ass.
Submitted by Dlove (user info) at 2004-03-04 09:12:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the man LOTP. Forget about that shit yesterday, people fucking love these stories, especially me.
Keep up the good work man, I hope you realize how good the writing is.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-04 08:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm running out of ways to say excellent in describing this story.
Excellent.
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-03-04 05:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ask me again when your acne clears up in a few years kid
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-03-04 04:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
why are you such a homo?
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-03-04 03:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anansie / Kristen - to save you from re-reading, here is a quick rerun
Chapter XIV - Fading Light of Hope- Post-Killers surround and capture the following
Razor MickGinney lisa Queen Ashlee Kristen UrbaneMischief SpikeGoddess Volklcess Anasie Audjgirl and
Ainkara
Chapter XV - Plans of Mutiny - Read the last paragraph - tis where Hamilton was transporting the group, Spikegoddess made her "Balls threat"
Chapter XVI - Ambush in Uberia - This is where the tides turn, Spikegoddess plants a trojan on hamilton and get's him to slay their captors and free them
Going back to = Plans of Mutiny, This is where Koolmang left for Boredatwork, so what you are reading now is that they are on the same trail from Ubersite (In the south) to Boredatwork (To the north)
So
Anansie, I hope that clears it up
Kristen - You are alive, well and kicking!
Cheers,
LOTP
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-03-04 02:58:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the's
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-04 02:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And let's see if anyone can locate my strategically placed typo in the response below. I'm testing all y'alls grammar skillz. (coughcough)
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-04 02:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll revive you.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-04 02:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have asked, begged, pleaded, cried, and blackmailed. All the's left is purely pathetic whimpering.
P-p-p-puhlease revive Kristennnnnn...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-03-04 02:01:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, but I am confused. I thought Queen Ashlee was stuck in the seige at BoredAtWork with her bodyguards.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-04 01:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best one yet.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-03-04 01:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohhhhhhh yeah!!!
Submitted by CrushingJackolanterns (user info) at 2004-03-04 01:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
im quite anxious about the outcome of ed...
can't wait til the next :)
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-03-04 01:30:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let's just put it this way --->
I won't let today affect my writing in any way. He said his peace and I said mine. Water under the bridge. Thanks for the kudos!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-03-04 01:24:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Still going strong.
Razor better not die now. :)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
This coming from the guy who died and rose from the Uberian Dead a few chapters ago! WHOOOOOHOOOOOO you know anything is possible! HA!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-03-04 01:24:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still going strong.
Razor better not die now. :)