Prologue (840 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe (View user info) at 2004-03-04 07:17:49 EST
Kind of nervous about this...
PROLOGUE.
I have never been so scared in my life. I know what's going to happen
the next time they come in and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I
wish...
That's not going to do any good. If wishes were horses, beggars would
would ride, as Gammy used to say. Dad had a more poignant way of
speaking... Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which gets
full first. Both admirable sentiments, in their way.
I heard Daniel crying a while ago. I feel sick, knowing that they're
hurting him and not being able to help. If sheer fury and love alone
could break down doors, we'd have been out of here hours ago. But they
can't. So we weren't. So we're still here, waiting.
In a way, the worst thing is not knowing why. Out of
every sleeping household in the street, why did they choose us to bring here in the middle of the night? No husband to pay a ransom, no family to speak of, nada. Just me and Daniel, my boy. My
joy.
He turned five a week ago and I can hear him crying. He got a bike for
his birthday and what are those bastards doing to him? How dare they
lay a finger on him? What kind of person can look at a beautiful five-
year-old boy and want to cause him pain?
WHY US? Was it planned? Was it because we live alone? Or was it
random...they just happened to choose our house? If that's it, I'm
buying a lotto ticket as soon as I get out of here. Those one-in-a-
million odds might as well work for me as against me, right? How
unlucky can one girl be?
My dad used to tell me I was a lightning rod for trouble. If there was
anything happening, I was always in the middle of it. I don't know if
he was right, or if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but either way
it doesn't help me now.
So here I am, stuck in this room with a well-locked door, a dirty
mattress on the floor and a bare, flyspecked lightbulb hanging from the
water-stained ceiling.
It scares me to look at the mattress for too long, but I almost wish
they'd come in. It might draw their attention from Daniel for a while.
My mind keeps trying to send me pictures of what could be happening in
that room down the hall, but I have to shut it out. Thinking about that
would break me apart, and I have to be alert to take advantage of any
opportunity that presents itself. We need to get out of here. We've
seen their faces, heard them call each other by name...they can't
afford to let us go.
I don't want to think about this. I don't want to plan an escape (God,
it sounds ludicrous... the catchphrase of a hundred bad prison movies.)
I want to curl up and wait for someone to come, find us, save us.
Daniel...I'm sorry. Whatever choices in my life, whatever past life bad
karma brought us to this place at this point in time, I am so, so,
sorry.
I can hear them now... laughing, clapping each other on the back,
getting louder, closer. I'm so fucking scared. All those thoughts about
taking advantage of any opportunity... I'll be lucky not to wet myself.
Though even through the terror, a part of my mind is working. As they
unlock the door, I count and decipher clicks and...that sounds like a
chain latch. So, a deadbolt, a lock on the doorknob, and a chainlatch.(I can't believe my mind is still working, even now, even in the middle of this paralyzing fear.)
As the two men walk in, my legs pedal me backwards of their own
volition until my back is pressed against the wall opposite the door.
They move closer and separate - one moving to my right, the other to
my left. I realise dully that they're flanking me, to cut off any
possible escape route...this would be laughable, in any other
situation. Escape? I can't even talk.
The blonde one has a knife. My eyes focus long enough to register the
blood coating the blade, then I look at the face of the man holding it.
"Daniel?" My voice is so raspy I don't recognise it as my own- my
throat is bone-dry with fear. But not for myself, not anymore.
The blonde man smiles- not the crazed smile of a killer, but the warm
grin of a favorite brother or best friend.
"He's not hurt." I begin to go limp with relief, but then the blonde
man keeps speaking, still smiling at me warmly.
"Not anymore, anyhow."
The smile leaves his face and he and the dark-haired man move steadily
closer.
Oh Danny, I'm sorry, baby...
CHAPTER 1.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-28 09:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was there ever any more?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-08 20:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I love you.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-05-27 13:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-07 16:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KICK. ASS.
Submitted by kingjc (user info) at 2004-09-07 16:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm hooked! useally my interest tails off at random fiction but this really grabbed me! God I wish I could write like that!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-07 16:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I hadn't seen this.
Amazing.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-07 16:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooooooooo......Can you say RAGE?!! That blade would be so far up his ass his wit would get sharper! I am off to look for the rest of this post.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-07-05 18:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Time to get something of quality on the most recently reviewed. As ever Circe, this was damned good. You have the Filthy seal of approval. Give him a fish now and again, he'll be fine.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-03-09 09:56:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Packs quite a visceral punch. I think it takes a little too long to get into full gear, and that's probably because of the second paragraph... just as the first few sentences start to establish a mood of violence and fear, we're taken to a flashback. Anything else I add would probably just fall into the category of making you write the story I would have written, so I'll keep it to myself. I will just add that one of the things that irritated me was that it ended so soon.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-03-04 18:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes yes yes! Great work. Ignore Tweedle-Dipshit over there in the peanut gallery.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-03-04 14:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was really nice; good reading ... I wanted more. I'll wait for the next chapter I guess ... but write faster already!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-03-04 14:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A trait of good art is that it disturbs, not offends, the person viewing it. This disturbed me.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-03-04 13:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe,
I *knew* you could do good work, and this post proves it! Keep writing. You've just had your uber breakthrough, if you ask me. I think there's a time for most users when they finally post something that's not written b/c they think it will be 'right' for Uber, but it's just something that they wrote for themselves. Inevitably, they're really nervous about the reaction because the piece is something that matters to them (because it's authentic and it's really *their* work, not them trying to be someone else who will fit in here), and inevitably, it's the first post that really gets people to want to read their work in the future.
Welcome to Ubersite!
Oh, and ignore squattail.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-03-04 08:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, it caught me about the third paragraph. Just when I was gonna give up on it. Good job.
Submitted by Squatttail (user info) at 2004-03-04 07:38:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad squattails reviews dont count for shit. Good thing mine do.
Submitted by pizzahut (user info) at 2004-03-04 07:27:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
to even out squatail's shit
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-03-04 07:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't be nervous. This is just a sloppy attempt at something that has been done a million times better a million times over. You are just shit, and that is just you. You cannot change you, therefore you should not be nervous about something you can't change.