Uberia Fanfare Chapter 2: Warning- PotatoManJack is fuckin way scary awesome tough (861 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.83 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mac (View user info) at 2004-03-04 11:02:09 EST
*This fanfare chapter provides some insight into PMJ and provides the details on the circumstances that led to him becoming a part of the "real" Uberia story.*
"Where is he?" Herpes asked.
Buttons, the doorman of Ladies N Lace, the sleaziest shithole in all of Cyber, pointed towards the bar. Herpes gave Buttons a thankful nod, then proceeded to make his way through the dimly light, smoke filled room.
"Stick next to me and speak to no one" Herpes instructed Spooner, his young companion. Spooner was in a disgusted awe as he glanced around the room and took in the sight of over the hill strippers and the drunken lowlife gamblers, thieves, and cheats that patronized their service. If there were a single place to find the absolute biggest scum bags in Cyber, this was it.
Across the bar, two men sat on opposite sides of a table. One of them was Kracka, the other was PotatoManJack. On each of PMJ's shoulders sat a pixie. On the left, was the voice of reason known as The Judge, and on the right, an insane pixie known as The Advocate. Did I mention he was insane?
"Look, Kracka, tell Amusediniraq that I've got the money and he'll get it soon. I was just on my way to pay him when I got a little sidetracked." PMJ explained as Kracka shook his head in disbelief of the obvious lie he was just told.
"He doesn't believe you. Fuckin kill him quick! Kill kill kill!" shouted The Advocate. PMJ, glanced to his right shoulder and shushed The Advocate.
"Never mind him, Kracka, he's insane. I'm telling you the truth. I've got the money." As PMJ spoke these words, he armed himself with the power of Shipwreck. As he did so, his hand began to glow red, white and blue. Unlike any other poster in Uberia, PMJ did not draw his power from the post, oh no, he was way too fuckin scary awesome tough for that. He relied on GI Joe Coolness Level.
"If you want it, I'll give it to you now." PMJ offered.
"Then give it to me right now, bitch!" Kracka exclaimed. Just then a small, cartoon version of Shipwreck emerged from PMJ's hands and hurled at Kracka in a tornado of teeth and fingernails. In a matter of seconds, his flesh was stripped to the bone. Just before his final breath, Kracka managed to get out the words "I'm glad I'm about to die because I'm in so much pain. Holy shit this hurts!" Then in an instant, Shipwreck turned to back into a red, white and blue glowing mist and flew back into PMJ's hands.
"What we've just witnessed is classic PMJ. He instilled a false sense of confidence in his opponent, then BAM! Deader than Deady McDeaderson. Nice move, PMJ." The Judge said as he critiqued PMJ's killing performance.
"Kill him some more!" The Advocate shouted.
"Shut up, you two." PMJ commanded as he took a swig of his ale. He threw some money for his drinks down on the table as he walked away to meet back up with his traveling companion.
Now sitting with companion, recapping the previous moment's events and making a plan to flee the country, as Amusediniraq would now have a hefty bounty on his head, PMJ was interrupted by our travelers.
"Are you the one called PMJ? Herpes asked.
"Who wants to know?" PMJ asked.
"I am Herpes and this Spooner. We have been sent by Malone of Lucifer Industries to hire mercenaries to aid our efforts in the war. You're ass kicking skills have come highly recommended" Herpes explained.
"Take a seat, old man" PMJ offered. Herpes and Spooner looked over at PMJ's companion and were hesitant to sit next to such a burly, hairy creature.
"Don't mind Sideburns. He's just a rookie. He won't hurt you...but I wouldn't say anything about his family or he may rip your arms off and beat to death with them." The Judge advised.
"Sideburns, isn't that your Aunt Tammie over there?" The Advocate asked.
"ROOOAAARRRRRRR! Raarr Raarrrrr!" Sideburns growled.
"Shut up, you two." PMJ instructed and the pixies once again were silenced.
"Fair enough. We'll just stand if you don't mind...now, back to business. Malone requires your service and I advice you take his most generous offer,", Herpes said as he pulled a leather pouch from his pocket. Upon opening the pouch, it glowed bright yellow and white with shimmers of red and green. In this pouch were pieces of the lost treasure of Zod. "There's more where this came from, perhaps you could repay your old debts". As Herpes spoke, the shimmering of the gold and diamonds and rubies excited PMJ.
"Kill him and take it for yourself!" The Advocate shouted as he fondled himself with excitement for bloodlust. PMJ glanced to the right again and gave The Advocate the evil eye. He once again was silenced. PMJ looked across the table to his companion for support.
"What about you Sideburns, you want some of this gold?" PMJ asked.
"ROOORRR Rar Raaarrrrr!" Sideburns growled in agreement.
"OK, Herpes. You got yourself a deal. We're in."
User Reviews
Submitted by Kichigai (user info) at 2004-04-29 07:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-06 19:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-03-11 13:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's right bitch...i'm treasure!
Can I be a Genie?! That would be hot. I could be like the Robin Williams Genie from Aladdin except, you know, not gay.
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-03-07 23:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What would Uncle Jessie do? Great site
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-03-07 21:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PMJ got a story!
"GO BEARS WOOOOOOOOOOO!"
You know I love ya and your site there Sean... but... sadly, you're no Uncle Jessie.
*sigh*
Hey! Someone had to break the bad news to him and bring him back to reality... sorry!
~LaNa :)
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-07 11:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe, woooooo
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*where* Han shot Greedo, not *were*. My bad.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm glad that at least one person got the that this was the scene from StarWars were Han shot Greedo. LOTP, this is why you're awesome. Roooaaaarrrrr!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-05 05:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sideburns, isn't that your Aunt Tammie over there?" The Advocate asked.
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Haha. I must've missed this.
If this were a play, my lines would be easy.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-03-05 02:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-05 01:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin the Wookie. I love it.
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-03-05 01:38:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mac - these stories are appreciated (At least I can vouch for me) keep up the good work and I hope to see more!
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-03-05 01:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns as chewbacca - Classic
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-04 18:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-03-04 17:20:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I haven't been reading these so far. I usually actually try and shy away from fiction stories, on Ubersite and pretty much in general. Only one thing I've written here was a fictional story (and oh the irony, it's the one with the perfect 2). Just not my thing, I guess. =/
But thanks for the shoutout. =P
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-04 16:55:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did you see Kracka, the blackest ninja?
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-04 16:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Spooner,
I don't know if you've been reading the Uberia saga by Lord of the Post- http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=5014
Basically it's a fantasy story using Ubersite authors as the characters. It's been getting great reviews and people love it. But because there are like 60 characters already in it, I decided to do this Uberia Fanfare to give a shout out to those who didn't get mentioned in the real thing. Those such as yourself. I'm planning on giving you your own chapter because I've always liked your posts. That YMCA thing still cracks me up. Keep up the good work.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-03-04 16:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have two requests for being featured:
1. I want a magic utility cape, which stops bullets, can talk to fish, and forces people to tell the truth when I clok them with it.
2. A sub-plot centering around me and my bid to find the #1 Air-Hockey table in all of Uber.
Meet both my demands or I'll be forced to... eh, screw it, just go ahead and use my name and likeness. I won't sue. Maybe.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-04 14:28:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I should give you a -2 for not having me kick someone's ass. I am nobody's messenger, beyotch.
Submitted by Buttons (user info) at 2004-03-04 14:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey cool, a bit part!
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-04 13:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, most deffinately Biff. Perhaps there could be the first ever tag team match- PMJ and Marty McFly vs. Biff Tannen and Mad Dog Beauforfd Tannen. Either way, no matter what you do with it, I'm sure it will be impressive.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-04 13:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for PMJ! <------My rhyme of the day.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-04 13:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mac: Consider it done. Biff will be the next battle with commentary. Now, did you want the charcter 'Biff' or the actor who plays him?
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-04 11:37:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PMJ,
Glad you liked it. I thought your website was a damn trip and loved the judge and advocate, so I felt it was fitting to throw them into the mix. Oh, if you're looking for anyone to fight on your sight, I'd like to see you fight Biff from Back to the Future. I think it'll be the closest fight yet.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-04 11:25:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+8(sideways)
Dude, I can't believe you just captured the essence of my website and warped sense of humor so well.
Thank you Mac, from the bottom of my heart.
You're a modern day Roadblock.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-04 11:17:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Infringement!
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-04 11:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this story has a beginning, middle and an end...I wrote a story like that some time ago. Dirty idea stealer!!!! :)
WZ
Submitted by Dlove (user info) at 2004-03-04 11:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, it didn't have me in it! It sucks even more!
I hate your stupid, geeky, loser story. That's why I want to be in it so bad, and I will continue to hate it until you put me in it!
Submitted by Dlove (user info) at 2004-03-04 11:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You bastard, you stole my shit! I wrote about potatos in 19-diggity-3 (the kaisers stole our word for 30 so we had to use diggity.) Ever since then, people have been writing variations about potatos. This was the straw that broke my back! I hate you! You stole my idea so now I have nothing!
Nyah! +2
Submitted by potatomanjacksucks at 2004-03-04 11:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plagarism!!!!!!!!!... I mean it has characters in it !!! I copyrighted that years ago!!!