Stupid and Ridiculous Animals of the World (2174 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.79 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SausageKing (View user info) at 2004-03-04 19:19:40 EST
My brother and I were watching TV the other day and a commercial came on advertising something called Earth Day. I thought every day was Earth day, but apparently I was wrong. It was quite moving at first. It showed various video footage from around the world showing people standing up for what they believed against overwhelming odds. Some examples of the footage shown were the students standing up to the tanks in Tienimen square, some people in the Amazonian jungle blocking bulldozers from cutting down the rain forest, and that crazy girl in the big redwood tree. There were some other ones too which were cool as well.
I almost felt my black shriveled heart melting at this commercial when on came a scene of a Norweigion guy saving a baby Harp seal from a clubbing. He was clutching the seal in his arms like it was some oversized football and he was going in for the touch down. My brother and I had never seen a harp seal before, and when we saw this ridiculous beast we almost died from laughter. I'm not kidding. The profoundly dumb expression on this animals face as it was being saved was priceless. The body shape of the seal was like an extra fat almost circular rugby ball. We had been watching Saturday Night Live at the time and we seriously thought this was one of their spoof commercials at this point, but it was not. We laughed for a good hour over this commercial. If you don't know what a harp seal looks like I found a picture on the internet.
(Please look at the corresponding image number to see what the animal looks like. Sorry about my weak paint skills)
1. HARP SEAL - please refer to image 1
Now seriously, what the hell is wrong with this creature? It is a big white bloated potato with a face attached. It doesn't event have a neck! How can this thing even exist? It's just a meal waiting to happen. It has no claws, no tough hide, no legs to escape with, I mean what happend to survival of the fittest with these harp seals? If there is an animal that shows the flaws in the theory of evolution it is this guy. If there is a higher creator that made this, I say: dude what were you smoking that day.
So this got me thinking about more stupid animals that are begging to be mocked. I did some serious research on the internet and came up with a few more.
2. THREE-TOED SLOTH - please refer to image 2
A picture speaks a thousand words, but my thesaurus only has 7 for goofy-looking. First of all, the head looks just like a coconut. I guess that might be good camouflage if the sloth hangs out in coconut trees but it sure makes for an odd melon. And what the hell is he grinning at? I sure wouldn't me smiling if I looked like him. And nice body. Where did he steal that from, Teddy Ruxbin? Well he got his beer gut from Marlon Brando it looks like. He does sort of remind me of Tom Petty.
3. CHIMPANZEE - please refer to image 3
It saddens my soul that we share 99% of the same DNA as these morons. Still, they are better looking (and probably smarter) then some of the people I know. The big one in the foreground kind of looks like Dubya don't you think?
4. MARMOT - please refer to image 4
I have seen these in real life and they are even stupider looking in person. Their only defense mechanism is an annoying, loud squeaking bark that would maybe scare away other marmots, so it is a miracle that such idiotic animals even reproduce. They are an endangered species. How can that be?
The blame for the existence of the world's wretched mutants does not lie completely on the back of nature alone. I also found a couple pictures of freaks that we humans have spawned into existence.
5. WEINER DOG - please refer to image 5
Why oh why would you breed a dog to look like a wiener? I mean, you are suppose to breed dogs to look pretty, herd animals, guard property, etc. but what possible use could a dog that looks like a wiener have? I have racked my brain to think of something, but I could only come up with this: No matter how bad life may seem, at least you are not a wiener dog.
6. HAIRLESS SOUL-SUCKER - please refer to image 6
I don't really know what this is so I made up a name for it. It's either a cat or a dog I think, but I can't really tell. I think the hairless soul-sucker has a nice ring to it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-08-04 15:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to +2 this solely on the basis of a Rugby mention, but this made me laugh so hard I almost got fired.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-08-04 09:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is still just too funny, especially the captions on the weiner dog
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-05-11 12:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This killed me.
What the fuck is up with that sloth's face?!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-03-08 11:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. Very funny. I fucking hate cats.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-03-08 10:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. +2 for "please don't club me sir!"
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-03-05 15:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BTW, just to be an annoying, know it all prick, that final soul-sucker is a cat, a Sphynx (hairless cat). They actually DO suck the souls out of people, so its fine.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-03-05 15:42:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seal rugby. Sounds like one of those Iraqi games.
Submitted by dudette (user info) at 2004-03-05 08:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed so loud i woke my flatmates up
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-03-05 07:31:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didnt find it all that funny but still a +2 cos you obvioulsy put some work into it.
CF
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-03-05 03:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To all those who said they got an out-loud laugh at this one thank you! That means more to me than any +2. (I have to admit I was chuckling to myself as I made this one)
Thanks!
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-03-04 23:55:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good. I love that Bush/chimp quote.
Uh...
Won't...uh...get...FOOLED...again.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-03-04 23:39:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaaa, very funny!
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-04 23:29:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It showed various video footage from around the world showing people standing up for what they believed against overwhelming odds. Some examples of the footage shown were the students standing up to the tanks in Tienimen square, some people in the Amazonian jungle blocking bulldozers from cutting down the rain forest, and that crazy girl in the big redwood tree. There were some other ones too which were cool as well.
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Did it show Wrestlemania '84 where Hulk Hogan overcame the odds and slammed Andre the Giant.
How about Wrestlemania '95 where Michaels finally won the gold against the favored Bret Hart?
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2004-03-04 23:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh the hairless soul sucker is SO CUTE
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-03-04 23:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesnt even have a neck!
ahhhhhahaha. thats funny because it really doesnt! BAAAAAAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-03-04 23:12:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't laugh out loud until i read the sloth's captions.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH TOM PETTY! HHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-03-04 21:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh out loud in the company of strangers.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-04 21:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"A picture speaks a thousand words, but my thesaurus only has 7 for goofy-looking."
Heh.
Submitted by Bennywild (user info) at 2004-03-04 20:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I loved the descriptions on the picture.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-03-04 20:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hairless soul-sucker... Priceless!!
+2 for a funny post...made ME laugh, anyway...
4152 wishes you a good day.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-04 20:12:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Harp seals smoke at killing fish.
Weiner dogs are VERY good at killing cats and were originally bred for badger hunting. The cat thing I speak from experience. My uncle had a weiner dog and a garden full of dead neighberhood cats.
Three toe sloths may be shambollock but just don't meet one in the jungle. The claws on them will rip you areshole to breakfast hole in one hit.
They all do look kinda weird but guess what they evolved or were bred to fill a niche in the natural world. That is why they are all here and there would be a lot more funny looking creatures around without the weirdest looking fucker of all.......Man!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-03-04 19:30:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha, although, you could have found some even way more fucked up animals. This is awesome though.