The Naked Man in My Window (2113 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.83 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phoenix <volklcess.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-05 12:48:24 EST
I don't remember what exactly it was that sparked the idea - most likely nothing more than an innocent suggestion and then the wheels started turning. Guys have the right idea about promoting their sex drive - walls adorned with scantily clad women, Windows start up sounds of women moaning, porn. Ah, porn. Let's be honest for a minute here - although we women do enjoy the occasional sex fest flick, the bulk of the porn industry - print, video, and internet - is aimed at straight men (and gay women, I suppose).
For our "Playgirl," men have "Playboy," "Hustler," "Penthouse," etc. Videos range from soft-core porn to the most lewd sexual acts you'd never imagine existed - videos stock full of bouncing breasts, girl-on-girl action, and for the ladies, here's a quick shot of Tom Bigdick's sweaty member. Oooh. Survey says videos are targeted toward men. This trend speaks pretty loudly for what society thinks of men, but I guess it's no secret who the more sexually-driven gender is.
And then there's the newest addition to the old veterans of porn - Internet Porn. Maybe it's changed in the last 4 years, but in 2000 when I'd just started college, internet porn aimed at women was nearly nonexistent. Oh, it was out there, but not in hordes like internet porn for men which pops up ads while you're playing mah jong on Yahoo! to let you know that there's some HOT WET GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION out there. Whoo.
My printer on my computer had an option to turn a regular sized picture into a poster - you could take any little ol' picture, print it onto 12 - 16 different sheets, put it together (like a puzzle), and have yourself a huge (but low quality) picture of whatever fancies you. My roommate and I decided we were going to embrace our sexuality by printing out a gigantic picture of a naked man and hang it up in our dorm room. A pet project was born.
Little did we know, our little "project" was much bigger of an undertaking than we initially anticipated. Like I said before, internet porn aimed at women isn't as plentiful as it is for the Y chromosome. Any given night you could find me at my computer and my roommate at her's running searches for "porn for women" as though it were a matter of life and death. The problem we continually ran into was flocks of gay porn - guys like the girl-on-girl stuff, so I guess my search engine assumed that girls searching for "porn for women" would enjoy some boy-on-boy action. This, unfortunately, is not the case. Why was it so difficult to just find a hot-looking, well-endowed guy? Is that too much to ask??
Our search wasn't in complete vain because we finally stumbled across exactly what we were looking for. Well, almost exactly. We found a naked man, hard bodied, and sprawled out on a couch; however, he wasn't hot-looking. He was pretty mediocre, a 5 on a 1-10 scale. And as for well-endowed? At least "Playgirl" gets their male models hard before snapping photos. We had ourselves a mediocre blonde boy, sprawled on couch with a flaccid member, but as they say, beggars can't be choosers. We had our man.
The process of printing the picture out and taping it together was no task, and then there was the matter of where to put it...my side of the room? My roommate's side of the room? We opted to hang it up in the window. Facing out. In the direction of the bridge that connected the campus to the dorms so that everyone walking from class back to their room could see it and wonder to themselves who in the hell would hang this gigantic picture of naked man in their window.
People from other floors came to knock on our door and ask us if we were the ones with the naked guy in our window. We were infamous for our picture! Making a stand for sexually healthy women everywhere! We were the girls-with-the-naked-guy-in-their-window.
Our celebrity status was short-lived when our RA spotted our blatant statement for women everywhere and informed us it was considered indecent and against university policy and we were forced to take it down. We relocated it to our bathroom, intentionally hanging it up *behind* the toilet so every guy who came to take a leak in our room would have to look at a naked man while doing so. The university can keep its stupid policies and regulations - we'll still always have the memory of the naked man in our window and the stir it caused across our small campus.
User Reviews
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny, I thought it was another problem with your roomate.
Submitted by Mr._Rude (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There were a lot of things wrong with this and I want to yell at you, but it was entertaining. +2
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-07 10:35:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY AM I LAUGHING?
Submitted by fionavar (user info) at 2004-03-05 21:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, yes, yes definitely Rocco in the "porn for women" category!!!
For the men out there who are having trouble, buy the tape, pop it in, and say, "Honey, I've rented a new movie..."
Works every time.
Speaking of Rocco, I once went as Rocco to a "Come as your favourite porn star" party. (I'm a woman). I bought a gigantic dildo, taped it on, and said, "Bonjourno" all night. Ahh, memories.
+2 to you for your open sexuality.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-03-05 18:40:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your story is flawed.
Gay porn (for men) is easily and readily available on the interenet giving you countless images of arthur on arthur action or even arthurs on their own, rod standing proud.
Submitted by Bennywild (user info) at 2004-03-05 18:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One more for being comfortable with your sexuality.
Seriously, spread your ideology to the masses.
Submitted by Bennywild (user info) at 2004-03-05 18:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2, not for the naked man, but for a girl who is comfortable with her sexuality.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-03-05 15:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmm.... naked men........
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-05 15:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have kept him up but given him some covering
-Turtle
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:56:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA. nice one hanging it up for the guys to see when they had to pee!
i love it!
you are hysterical.
-Michelle
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:39:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My private collection....
;)
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, Mr. Boo! Where'd you get that?? I thought I disposed of all those...errr...
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:33:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's funny, because I recently put up a HUGE naked poster of Phoenix in my office window. Everyone loves it and nobody will ever ask me to take it down.
:)
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time I take a picture, I'll try to maintain the erection.
I don't appreciate you calling me 'mediocre' either.
I have feelings.
...and a huge rod.
-Sidey
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The best solution to making that inoffensive would have been to remove the single sheet of paper where the male member was. Then tape that to the RA's door.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-05 14:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for your efforts! I had naked pics of Samantha Fox in my dorm room (it was 1988 - cut me some slack.)
-1 for not calling me to pose for you
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-05 13:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOOD for you! Its nice to see a women that advertises her sexuality.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-05 13:11:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor got the Ancient Chinese Secret! Yay!
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-05 13:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty funny stuff. I'm glad you're fighting the establishment in your own way.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-03-05 13:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you know, you could just go to google and type in Rocco Sifredi. (don't ask how i know about him) anyhoo, he's one of the most 'well-endowed' guy porn stars... it makes you cry to think of it
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-05 13:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Fuck Yourself!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-05 12:57:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh the days of dorm life....
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-03-05 12:56:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You kick so much ass, Phoenix!
Hope today is going better for you than yesterday.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-05 12:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
want to touch your heinie...rowr.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-03-05 12:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment