Such Pretensions! (880 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.92 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by K.M (View user info) at 2004-03-06 17:41:07 EST
As the young boy waddles from the station wagon, the mother walks around the hood of her dilapidated car, and shuts his door for him.
The effervescent lad can't be bothered with such of life's humdrum trivialities; today... the snow is melting! Glorious, serene puddles adorn the empty lot. They sparkle, just for him. Inviting him to participate, there is a world of games to be played. Indulging in a fascination as old as the dawn of man, the young boy makes his way to the first of the puddles. Tentative at first... then it comes.
Clip...sploosh... goes the first foot.
The mother swallows.
Clop... splash...goes the second.
Rubber boots are such a marvelous invention!
Instead of flying crow to the building, he makes his way parallel along it. Clip... Clop.... Clip..... Clop. His eyes never leave the puddle. Clip.... Clop.... Clip.
And the puddle ends.
The mother, so inspired by her son's display of innocence, swallows hard, trying to keep the lump out of her throat.
The boy looks up, and reaches for his mother's hand. She takes it, gingerly at first, then clasps more firmly. That little lump rises again.
......What a moment.
They enter the drab, grey building. The woman checks in with the receptionist, while the young boy takes a seat. His soulful, bambi eyes scan the room.
BLOCKS!
He leaps out of his seat and immediately begins playing with them. 5 blocks high, pull the bottom out, then crash... they all fall down.
The mother pauses at the receptionist desk, turns her head slightly, and watches her son immersed in his game. The lump rises again, this time almost painfully. She loves her little boy so much.
Mrs. Ashton? The doctor will see you.
She enters the hallway, and turns the corner. Second room on the right, as usual.
"Hello Jane!"
"Hello Dr. Wells."
"You have throat cancer!"
User Reviews
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-11 18:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't even my intention when I wrote it, though. I was going to make this a long, drawn out observation about the how children are oblivious to what really goes on in their parents lives. The child was going to continue to play, innocently, while the mother and the doctor had an in depth conversation , detailing as effectively as I could the dynamics of such a conversation.
Once I got to the doctors office, and I still had not even thought of an affliction for her, I read over the story again. I just grew totally frustrated with it, and ended it with cancer, an effective way to end anything.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-03-11 18:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have to agree with Yidele, I think the punchline needed a little work (making the doctor more believable, they won't just come out with the bad news as soon as you walk into the room) but I like it. Evil endings are good.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-06 20:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-06 20:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
....what?
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
believable bedside manner?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting twist there.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:08:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes hidden, I do wish you would blow your brains out.
Wait... what did you ask me again?
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mikey likes it!
Submitted by Crash3087 (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ATTN GHEY MENZ
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
do you need a hug, KM?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-03-06 19:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
how much clearer did that need to be, you dense idiot?
your style of writing is very womanly, danielle steele.
and there are much worse things than being a hypocrite. i don't mind you calling me that in the least. my pussy doesn't hurt when someone calls me names on the Internet like some people...
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-06 18:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"oh that's right. you know me. you plenty of people like me, don't you? since you've met me in person.
ps- you write like a woman. "
If I understood a word of that, I'm a throat cancer having woman.
Total hypocrite. I can't say that enough. You should branded, or something.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-03-06 18:47:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm constantly on your mind, aren't i?
why is it that you believe people act exactly the same way in person as they do on Ubersite?
oh that's right. you know me. you plenty of people like me, don't you? since you've met me in person.
ps- you write like a woman.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-06 18:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Shut up, I don't have to be creative all the time...
Submitted by TommyG (user info) at 2004-03-06 18:04:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
unexpected twist + good writing + evil genius = +2
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-03-06 18:04:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-06 18:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Or if it were hidden.
"You have throat cancer."
"Oh no..."
"HAH, HAH. just kidding. don't get all bent outta shape over nothing."
Submitted by Catscradle at 2004-03-06 17:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-03-06 17:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!