Self absorption (839 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:non-fiction
Rating: 1.55 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe (View user info) at 2004-03-08 06:29:33 EST
It's odd how much your mindset can change in less than a year.
10 months ago, when the very nice people at the hospital took me aside to explain what cystic fibrosis is and why both my baby girls have it, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to anyone. Ever. No-one, and I mean NO-ONE, in the history of the world, had ever had anything so terrible happen to them. For weeks, I was almost smug in my despair. You lost your job? I have it worse. You son broke his arm? At least he'll get better. Your husband left you? My life sucks worse than yours does, HA! I never said this, but by god, I felt it.
I am not proud of this.
Then it came time to take them up for their first clinic appointment. I was downstairs, outside the hospital, having coffee. I gravitated towards a group of people, all doing the same thing, as you tend to do. Anyone who's been there knows - 'What are you here for? How old is your child?' And assorted stuff.
So there's me. All wounded and righteous in my hard-done-by life, all ready to shock and depress.
Instead of talking, I listened. For once in my life, I shut the fuck up and heard what someone else had to say.
The litany of despair that I heard was humbling. The tiny brunette with the huge blue eyes? Her six week old baby girl was put into a scalding hot bath by an overzealous older sister. Six, if I recall. The baby was having extensive skin grafts, and the older girl refused to talk to anyone. At all. She just drew pictures of clouds, day after day. Big clouds, storm clouds, fluffy white clouds. She was just trying to help her Mum, you see.
The quiet woman, on the edge of the group. Her son had been given a few days to live. The cancer treatments hadn't worked. She smiled a little and said the nurses and staff had all been so wonderful.. that she had bought them a gift to say thank you.
So many stories, all different, all achingly alike. Not a tear was shed, and the sympathy and concern they felt for each other was genuine.
I was ashamed. Ashamed of my selfishness, my narrowminded adherence to my own grief.
My girls are almost one now. They're doing okay, and will do so for a long time yet. I still take them to clinic at the hospital twice a month. The faces there change, the stories are different. The message is the same.
Be grateful for what you have. Cherish it and hold it precious. Things could always, ALWAYS, be worse.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-05-20 06:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-08 20:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-05-27 13:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The strength you possess is amazing.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:05:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on winning UberBoobage!
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-06-12 12:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever shit has gone before you, if you're still breathing and hoping then you know how lucky you are to be alive. Best of luck.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-06-12 12:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought you might have been coming the raw prawn with me.
Messing.
This was a beautiful post and I hope all the best for you
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-08 14:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DarthAwesome-
I have to ditto "fire_in_the_belly" - except, I would have used proper spelling, grammar and punctuation.
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Good luck with your little girls. I give to "sixtyfive roses" foundations when ever I can afford to - that, and St. Judes children's hospital.
Submitted by Kilgore (user info) at 2004-03-08 14:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I feel for you about the kids and all, but just because someone has it worse off than I do doesn't mean that I can't wallow in self pity now and then. Yeah, sure, people are starving by the millions in Africa, but damn it, my job sucks, and gas is expensive.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-03-08 10:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Perspective is a wonderful thing.
I wish the best to your little girls.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by fire_in_the_belly (user info) at 2004-03-08 07:42:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DarthAwesome, did u read the entire post?
Her whole point was the realisation that there are worse off people then her and her children.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-03-08 07:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be ignorant, there are people worse off then your daugthers. Its a terrible thing, but they're young enough that gene therapy could be perfected and help cure their condition. Some people have no hope at all.
Submitted by fire_in_the_belly (user info) at 2004-03-08 07:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is true that everyone gets self-involved sometimes. Most though, eventually realise there are other sides to the story. You are very brave and I admire your courage. Your girls are lucky to have a mother who has so much strength.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-08 06:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Indeed.
My sister is 17 years old and was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. She also has exema(sp?) and asthma. The doctors diagnosed all of this when she was two years old. TWO! She barely lived past that age because every time she got sick, my mom wouldn't have the right antibiotics to treat her.
Me? I'm perfectly fine.
My mom? She's depressed about my sister and the fact that her disease holds her back from playing sports and doing some of the things that she wants. This depression got so bad that my mom went into cardiac arrest 5 months ago. She had a severe heart attack. She was taken to the hostpital by me and checked in. When I was in the waiting room getting a snack, she died on the operating table.
Do you know how scary it is when you walk into your mom's hospital room and see her crowded by nurses and doctors, trying to ressussitate(sp?) her? Very. I collapsed. It sucked. The good news is they got her back and performed a double bypass the following week. One of the reasons I moved back home was to take care of her.
I live with a sister with CF and Asthma, and a mom who can barely breathe every night.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about it. There's always someone who is worse off than my family.
But you know what?
I wouldn't change a thing.
-Sideburns