Pricesmart, Satan and broken bones. (644 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andras (View user info) at 2004-03-08 18:01:57 EST
This happened to me a little while ago.
I decided to go to Pricesmart to buy a carton of cigarettes because its just easier to buy in bulk, as many know, than to be going to the store every week and buy a pack.
Anyways, I got in my car and drove over to Pricesmart, unaware of the man hunt I was just about to go through.
The thing is I was wearing a shirt of a black metal band called dark funeral that says on the back (in big red letters) "teach children to worship satan". I know its provocative and all, but generally after some talking and reasoning I get whoever the shirt offended to leave me alone and continue with his life.
So I get into the store, and proceed to grab the carton of cigarettes, when I noticed some new DVD player had been put into inventory and I decided to go check it out.
I'm reading the features and compatibility of the DVD and what have you, when suddenly this fat woman wearing a tank top and shorts comes up to me, and with a southern drawl tells me "you know you are going to burn in hell for wearing that shirt right? Anyways, I am glad you will".
Now that pissed me off, I don't mind if people tell me that they find the shirt offensive, but when they give me stupid bullshit like that I just lose it. "I don't give a Fuck about what you think cunt" was all I gave for an answer, then I turned around and continued to look at the dvd's specs, and that's when I heard the other voice: "what the hell you just say to my woman, boy?".
As I turned again, the massive shadow I saw warned me of what was in front. Lets just say he could've bench pressed Al Roker, Rosie O'donell and Roseanne Barr.
"I... I... I..."
I turned around and ran, naturally, because I thought such a behemoth would be left behind. I ran as fast as my little legs could take me. I turned my head and noticed that the guy had disappeared. With a smile of victory, I kept running, just in case, completely forgetting the fact that anyone could just take another aisle and catch up with me.
I was reminded soon enough, when with a loud thud my head hit the lower part of his gut and the guy proceeded to put his Dale Earnhhardt (I think that's how you spell it...) cap on backwards and raised his fist into the air, ready to punch the living shit out of me. Then I remembered Homer Simpson's fight tactics and yelled "DON'T HIT ME I'M HEMOPHILIC!!!!
The guy stopped in mid air (I suspect more because he thought I had just called him assbag or something like that) and I took the opportunity to kick him in the nuts with all the strength I had. That single hit confirmed the saying "the bigger they are, the harder they fall".
Especially if they fall on top of you, breaking one rib, your wrist, and a shoulder bone.
I hate my luck...
END
User Reviews
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-03-08 23:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-03-08 22:16:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Open the gates...
----------------------------------------
Saaaaaaaataaaaaaaaaaaan!
You are officially my favorite user man.
Its good to see that some people aren't complete morons and don't take everything other people write so seriously.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-03-08 22:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Open the gates...
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-03-08 19:57:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-03-08 19:39:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought i just had to set the ratings straight, so +2 for you. Whether its true or not, it made me laugh, and that's good enough for me. Seeing someone say 'jimmys' instead of balls made me laugh like a fucking banshee though too.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
at last! SOMEONE gets the point of this!
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-03-08 19:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought i just had to set the ratings straight, so +2 for you. Whether its true or not, it made me laugh, and that's good enough for me. Seeing someone say 'jimmys' instead of balls made me laugh like a fucking banshee though too.
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wear this shirt because I like the band. Its no different from a person that wears a tool shirt, or a jesus shirt.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
**The thing is I was wearing a shirt of a black metal band called dark funeral that says on the back (in big red letters) "teach children to worship satan". I know its provocative and all**
Which is exactly why you were wearing it out in public. You want attention that badly, it'd be more subtle to wear a giant cardboard sign that says '!!PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!'.
Next time you go looking for attention, don't pussy out and run away when you get it.
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:36:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you say I'm in grade school. You call balls Jimmys. I wonder who the grade schooler really is.
Submitted by mooner (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
maybe this would have been better if it was true.
frankly, we dont care about how "badass" you wish you were. calling an old fat woman a cunt is something i know you would not do. and kickin the big guy in the jimmys, oh man, that is bad ass. what are you a middle school girl?
let me in this by saying, You are a waste of semen, no wonder your mother makes you pay for sex.
Submitted by Mr._Rude (user info) at 2004-03-08 18:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why don't you try putting out a cigarette with your eye? Fucking ass clown.