“And Then I Saw His Fart.” (53913 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.74 on 103 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Will Zone <dianoga101.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-09 11:46:43 EST
Let me preface this post by saying that I am not a man who thinks "potty humor" is the "be all end all" of what is funny. "Potty humor," or "dick and fart jokes," is not my bread and butter (a ridiculous phrase) but it does have its own important rung on the ladder of comedy...a lower rung, but a rung nonetheless. Today, I would like to ascend this ladder, and to do so I must place my foot on a topic so "low brow" (no, not a midget's forehead), so crude and elementary, yet so amazingly simple and fuckin funny, that some might accuse it of being childish and cheap. But the story must be told. I've called this piece (deadpan) "And Then I Saw His Fart."
And we begin. Brapp.
I woke up on-time this morning. I arrived at the subway station early. The train arrived late. Therefore I would arrive to work late. I have my headphones on, and I'm trying to cancel out my impatience and anger with the soothing sounds of Cat Stevens' "Teaser and the Firecat." The train ride goes smoothly when the train arrives, and now I have a 3 block walk to work. It's cold outside. As I exhale, my breath hangs heavy in air, it breaks apart and disperses as I traipse thru it.
Walking down the sidewalk, I got stuck behind an older gentleman. I couldn't make a pass, he seemed to be able to stutter and shuffle back and forth in perfect mathematical sequences. I was stuck. I accepted my fate and continued down the block tapping my fingers rhythmically to "Morning has Broken." as it blares thru my headphones. My eyes are fixated forward, staring at the back of this old, old man.
He's wearing a grey trench coat, with what appears to be a grey suit underneath. Atop his head sits a grey sporting cap with a black band. He is half slouched over, it almost appears as though his black briefcase is weighing him down. I get lost in thoughts about "How old folks in NYC dress really well?" and "Where did he get those shoes?" And then it happened. The Old Man pauses for a split second mid-stride. Cat Stevens fills my ears and a gaseous cloud fills my eyes. A white cloud of noxious odor left the seat of his pants and followed him down the block, creating what almost seemed like a tail made of fog.
I saw him fart.
I snickered. I've actually always wondered about this phenomenon. I can see my breath in the cold, since my breath is warm and moist...so I should, following the same principles, be able to see a fart, as it is also warm and moist. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed. No one reacted...so it must not have been audible...so therefore I hope it isn't sti-- And that's when it hit me. The nastiest, most rank and dank stank that has ever been smelled. A pungent odor, that if I had to assign a color to would be moldy brown/green. A smell that could only be created by a mixture of prunes, coffee and Dinty Moore. It smelled like New Jersey and Staten Island had a kid. A smell so sinister, a tree withered. Taxi cabs flipped over onto their sides. Parking meters shot out loose change like bullets. Graffiti slimed off the walls. And in the distance, a lonely angel wept. It smelled like someone took a shit in a tub of rotting milk. My gag reflex took over, I turned away shielding myself from the stank. Behind me, an Old Asian women shook on the ground having a fart induced seizure.
The old man just surged forward, unaware of the carnage he left behind him. Unaware that this vision of his tangible fart will be burned into my psyche forever. Unaware that his one little toot changed the world, let alone this block, forever. He walks blissfully unaware of the stink. A pigeon careened into a window.
At Madison Ave he went uptown and I went downtown. I forgot that I was about to go into work 20 minutes late. I didn't care. I yearned for the stale, filtered smell of my lobby. I feel pleased that I was able to get an answer to my questions about the visible fart, but was it worth the stinky price I had to inhale? I dare to say no.
Feeling inspired, and grasping for an ending, here is a haiku about my dealings with the visible fart.
First pride fills my heart
As the old man strolls to work
Then I saw his fart.
Oh Uber, FUN FART FACT: If you were able to be in space without a suit, a fart has enough energy to propel one forward, since there is no friction or gravity to counteract the force of the fart. NASA, please look into "Toot Technology." STAT!
Will
P.S. - A fart-thesaurus found here: http://www.heptune.com/fartword.html
User Reviews
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-10-19 03:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed aloud. Several times. Very deserving post.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-07-31 23:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the reason I signed up for Uber.
I'm being very serious right now. And by saying that, I feel as if the integrity of the above sentence has been comprimised, but it's for real.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-04-27 17:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is now my favourite post. No jokes. That was actually really good for a fart joke.
Submitted by douglar02 (user info) at 2006-01-13 19:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Behind me, an Old Asian women shook on the ground having a fart induced seizure
lmao
Submitted by FearTheFedora07 (user info) at 2004-12-03 22:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so great, especially the line "A smell so sinister, a tree withered."
Submitted by doesntmatter (user info) at 2004-11-29 23:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bloody fucking brilliant...loved the asian woman having the fart seizure
Submitted by Simondk (user info) at 2004-11-01 21:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my first readings on uber, and it was beautiful. I'm sold.
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did i miss this?!
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-21 16:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a hitwhore.
Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-20 06:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-13 15:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
32,000 hits!??!?!
nice.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-07-08 20:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Golden. The Haiku made me laugh out loud after trying to hold it back...
I'm glad everyone already thinks I'm crazy. This is just confirms it.
Oh man that's good.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-06-28 15:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as fuck.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-06-28 15:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i remember back in the day this would've gotten on the MV post list. times they are a changin
Submitted by bklyn65 (user info) at 2004-06-12 23:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still laughing 10 minutes later "It smelled like New Jersey and Staten Island had a kid"
You gotta know it to get it.
Submitted by katie <katiedragonlady.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-05-30 16:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"And in the distance, a lonely angel wept."-lmao...that got me laughing hard! great work
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-05-21 00:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hehe... bum bubbles
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-05-19 14:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Cliche and predictable. not funny "
Cliche? SHow me another story like this.
predictable? Was there a twist ending i missed? What was there to predict...you predicted I'd end with a haiku...if so...good job.
Not funny? Well, we all have our own opinions on what is funny...so i respect that.
asshat.
Will
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-05-19 12:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love NY.
Submitted by the cod <asd> at 2004-05-19 12:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cliche and predictable. not funny
Submitted by dEaD-HeAd <deadhead.at.rock.com> at 2004-05-11 08:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
come on , give the man's old ass a break , what did you expect anyways??? you must thank god that he did it outdoorsnot in an elevator with only you around , that would give you a complete chance to inhale the best of the odor, good luck next time
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-05-07 01:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-04-30 22:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wonderful! +2 for you
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-30 21:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The phrase "bread and butter" make sense when used properly.
Submitted by Kichigai (user info) at 2004-04-29 07:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Rosencrantz <Utoshski.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-28 10:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So the rumours are true...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-27 22:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
didn't read it but the picture was funny
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for reading nimby. You are a true gentleman.
Submitted by nimby (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not funny. Way too overdone. And Cat Stevens sucks ass. Anyone that likes him is a pansy bitch who deserves to get farted on.
Submitted by GassyGirl72 (user info) at 2004-04-26 12:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fart humor is definately not at the bottom of the ladder -
That being said, I love it...
Old Man River knew what he did - hes a CropDuster from way back!
Submitted by The HNIC at 2004-04-21 13:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny. And I live in Jersey. It smells just fine. . .except for the oil refineries. That smells like, as my friend so eloquently put it, burnt dead baby shit.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"BTW, what do you have against New Jersey and Staten Island?"
Nothing. They just both have an odor that isn't pleasant.
Cat Stevens:
Thats really what I was listening to that morning. That was the CD I chose. I'm defending it cause its an amazing folk album.
Old People:
They do dress well. Thats all. Wanted to just point out that fact.
Thanks for the critique.
Submitted by StatenIslandKid <StatenIslandKid.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-21 07:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Interesting phenomena, lousy delivery. BTW, what do you have against New Jersey and Staten Island?
StatenIslandKid
Submitted by They_call_me_the_Fireman (user info) at 2004-04-21 04:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fart jokes are almost the top rung you pole smoker. You almost ruined the story with
"the soothing sounds of Cat Stevens' "Teaser and the Firecat."
and
"I get lost in thoughts about "How old folks in NYC dress really well?" and "Where did he get those shoes?"
This could have been a +2 had it not been for those useless comments.
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-04-20 13:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this the day you wrote it and it is STILL funny as hell!
Submitted by Foosh (user info) at 2004-04-20 13:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
unbelievably funny
+2 because i am from staten island
Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-04-20 12:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It smelled like someone took a shit in a tub of rotting milk."
Lovely.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-20 12:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It just wasn't that funny.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-20 12:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-20 01:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAW. Congratulations.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-04-19 15:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was younger, my cousins and I took turns farting into a microphone and amplifying it throughout the house. Good times.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-19 14:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe the retarded son of Carlin. thanks, but no thanks.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-04-19 08:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're like the Son of Carlin.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-03-26 11:22:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I laughed so much I farted" - Roger Ebert
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-03-11 17:56:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-03-11 17:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious
Submitted by alchemist (user info) at 2004-03-11 09:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I too have been witness to the old man fart. Truly horrific.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-11 01:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God, your dirt tastes sweet, Whiz.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-03-10 18:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pffft
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-03-10 18:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok?
Submitted by Merc (user info) at 2004-03-10 18:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding. The description of the smell made me sick, but that is a good thing in this situation.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-03-10 16:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was an uberzygote when i read this story for the first time. no clue how to rate, no clue how to post, no clue on how i even ended up in this place.
That being said i would like to thank Will for yet another reason to procrastinate at work. I have yet to read anything that is as well written, and to be honest goddamn funny, as this piece but will continue to search.
Anyway, this is a shit ass review but wanted to let Will know he is doing his part to spread the uber message to the far corners of the world. Since reading that i have managed to introduce several people, as well as get them hooked, to this website. I always have them read this first.
Much thanks and keep up the good work.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-03-10 16:34:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-10 12:44:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
4:30 today actually.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-10 12:43:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not too far. 59th and 5th, the GM building. I'm in the lobby on the 5th ave side till 4PM.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-10 12:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey I am staying at west 51st and 7th, is that near your building?
Submitted by stevo (user info) at 2004-03-10 11:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And in the distance, a lonely angel wept"
----------------------------------
Hahahahaha! So fucking funny!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-03-10 10:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By Jove will, youve done it again. I salute you.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-10 08:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"thru" is a habit i've been trying to break. unfortunatly spell check doesn't pick that one up.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-10 08:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, it wasn't a trenchcoat...i realised that last night when i reread the story. it was more of a p-coat kinda jacket. I have no idea why I said it was a trenchcoat. Artistic license.
Will
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-03-10 07:09:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny as hell, thanks for the laugh.
What gets me.. what fascinated me the whole time I was reading.. is how you can have such sharp, perfect descriptions in the SAME SENTENCE as the word 'thru'.
When lazy little abbreviations are inserted into good writing (which I think this is) it feels kind of jagged.
+2 anyway, because I've not laughed that hard all week.
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2004-03-09 23:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be in an Apache Helicopter unit in the Army, I used to help the fuelers out and do "hot" refuels, where the engines are running and the blades are turning. The apache has thermal targeting cameras, and the pilots let us stand on the rungs of the bird so we could see their HUD and I have seen people farting, works especially well on cold nights...
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-03-09 22:59:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+4.5
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2004-03-09 22:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but how do you see a fart from the pants of an old man wearing a TRENCHCOAT?
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-03-09 21:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great...something getting on Most Heated because of how good it is.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-03-09 19:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad at all.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-09 17:49:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-09 17:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because!! DAMN IM Still laughing
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-09 17:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFL you ROCk that was funny as hell
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-09 17:05:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, Whiz, get the heck off my ass.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cat Stevens-grow a pair
Submitted by MistressSarah (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything that is good.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Super post, I laughed out loud, which is somethin since I'm having an incredibly bad day.
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
perhaps we are both awesome.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no phinchy, you are awesome.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that is awesome.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought gas was
Only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else
But not for me
gas was out to get to me
That's the way it seems
Disappointment haunted
All my dreams
And then I saw his fart
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in gas
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave it
If I tried
I thought gas was
More or less a given thing
But the more I gave the less
I got, oh yeah
What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine
I got rain
And then I saw his fart
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in gas
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave it
If I tried
What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine
I got rain
And then I saw his fart
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in gas
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave it
If I tried
Then I saw his fart
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
Now I'm a believer
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm a believer
I'm a believer
I'm a believer
now to read the story.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Willzone, I generally find you to be hilarious, but I saw no humor in this.
Perhaps I'm just having an off day myself, but I can't with good conscience give this a positive rating. Yet so many others found it so funny...
<sigh> I suppose I'll give you the benifit of the doubt
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-03-09 14:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-03-09 14:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was giggling throughout this entire thing, which looks crazy (scary picture of me giggling I will post later.) But I thought you were done describing the fart's effects when you talked about the man surging forward, "unaware of the carnage he left behind." Then you just had to slam my brain with "A pigeon careened into a window."
My journalism professor harps on us all the time to use clear, descriptive language because it can change an entire image, like, instead of walk, say a person stumbled or marched into a room. And that word "careened" made me laugh and almost fart (because I was laughing so hard) in my English lab today.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-09 14:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:02:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
but new jersey definitly is stinky. Its all those chemical plants and dumps...don't deny it goldeneyes...
--------------------------------------------
I admit that there ARE parts of NJ - especially up around Newark-Liberty Airport - that are a little stinky.
However, the VAST MAJORITY of the state is NOT stinky - as anyone who has ever taken a drive through Sussex, Cape May, Gloucester or Warren counties (to name a few) will attest to.
It's a shame that a few square miles of factories and chemical plants ruin a whole state. Sort of like that guy's fart ruined that whole block...
Submitted by THEillONE (user info) at 2004-03-09 14:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And we begin. Brapp."
My laughter started there and continues now.
I second B@W nomination.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-03-09 14:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This line "It smelled like someone took a shit in a tub of rotting milk." actually made me laugh out loud...great post!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude. I don't go in for potty humor, but that made me laugh out loud for the first time on Uber in weeks.
Bored At Work nomination.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Behind me, an Old Asian women shook on the ground having a fart induced seizure."
I laughed out loud at this Zone!!
Good work!
Submitted by Nosearian (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent writing....You definitely got one up on me. Then again, give me some time. This was my first....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27291
Submitted by partisan (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well written.
I'll have to try that out sometime on a cold day.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yea volk, I usually avoid "fart" posts too, but this was too funny not to write it up.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:21:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. You wrote that so well *I* could smell the old guy's damn fart all the way over here in Nevada. I'm not usually too fond of the fart and poop jokes; I was going to pass over this post 'cause it had "fart" in the title, but it was written by my Will, so I *had* to read it and it was well worth it.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the name of science
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-09 11:51:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work.
**It was like New Jersey and Staten Island had a kid**
That was the best line in the post.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-09 13:02:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
but new jersey definitly is stinky. Its all those chemical plants and dumps...don't deny it goldeneyes...
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the post
-1 for this line: "It smelled like New Jersey and Staten Island had a kid."
I live in NJ. The only time it smells bad is when my boss lifts her skirt.
Submitted by theWELLofZION (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhA!!!!
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tuesday...very, um, profound.
WZ
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Give a philosophy student a glass of lime aid and he will say "Is this a glass of lime aid? and if so why is it a glass of lime aid?" and after a while...
he'll die of thirst.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is perhaps the single greatest line I've ever read-
"A smell so sinister, a tree withered. Taxi cabs flipped over onto their sides. Parking meters shot out loose change like bullets. Graffiti slimed off the walls. And in the distance, a lonely angel wept."
Granted, I don't read a whole lot, so my compliment means very little.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didnt read this crap, i just wanted to comment on getting on the MVA.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was disgusting. Something is wrong with me; I wretched in the car on the way home half an hour ago, and now I see this. I may wretch again.
Good post, no hard feelings, I just wanted to use the word wretch.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...and another for shadow.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious, as was shadow's comment below.
A +2 for The Whiz...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was chilling with Razor one night about 2 1/2 years ago, we were playing cards and I suddenly had to fart. So I tried to be all slick, stretching out and walking accross the room, when I got to the fan, I exploded in the loudest fart I have ever produced. With a guilty nervous smile, I looked back at the crew to see everyone's eyes focused on me... I don't think they'll ever let me live that one down
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beauty.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will Zone, you never fail to deliver the goods. Fed Ex must love you.
Your post is very funny as well.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And in the distance, a lonely angel wept"
BRILLIANT!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:04:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This totally fucking rawked.
-1 for Cat Stevens, though.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-09 12:03:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha...
Submitted by JEA823 (user info) at 2004-03-09 11:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG, this was fucking hilarious. You have a gift, my friend...
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-03-09 11:52:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great way to start a morning..... I've always wondered about the cold weather fart... Too bad it never gets that cold here.... It's already 71 degrees!! Wooo hooo!!!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-09 11:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work.
**It was like New Jersey and Staten Island had a kid**
That was the best line in the post.