Women, How Good Are you in Bed? (964 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.05 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Broski <rbdweasel.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-09 14:54:49 EST
I love women. If I didn't I'd be unable to put up with their constant bullshit. But I am a gentleman with great respect for all females (and I like to get laid) so I calmly and quietly endure.
My girlfriend asks "Am I good in bed?"
I try to be one of the best boyfriends out there. At least so after we break up the next guys will have a hard time comparing. I also know from experience that that the last thing she wants to hear is the truth so I tell her "yes". I am relieved she does not ask me to elaborate.
The truth is women are neither good nor bad in bed. They are simply separated into two categories:
1. The ones that give head.
2. All other women.
Women: if you want to do something nice for your man, blow him. If not, please just lie there and let us get on with it.
I hope this is helpful to all you lovers.
User Reviews
Submitted by SALEEMAH WILLIAMS <ICANDEE.at.HOTMAIL.COM> at 2004-06-07 16:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's either unfortunate that you haven't had the opportunity to be with a woman who knows how to make love, or unfortunate that you are so terrible at it that you can't discern the difference between goo and bad. Either way, you're not doing it right.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
words of truth.
Submitted by laurenthepirate (user info) at 2004-03-09 20:57:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
shut up
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-03-09 19:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, good thing I give good head! I've hailed 3 different men who told me (w/o me asking anything) that i gave them the best head they've ever had. WOO GO ME!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-09 18:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How come 12 year olds always try to post about their sexual misfortunes?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-03-09 18:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
man...you must suck in bed.
there's a zillion factor that can make sex with a girl better.
Cumming 'cause some girl will suck your dick is nothing special.
Making the moment between the two memorable is somewhat more complex but perfect when attained.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a talent.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is just sad. there's so much more to it than that.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know... Blowjobs are nice and everything, but they are not the end-all and be-all of a sexual experience. I've had GREAT sex with girls who didn't lick it like a lollipop.
Submitted by Snipa (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like a good Dutch Oven
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:48:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmm...from the way this post is going, I think I may be the only guy here who can be a judgmental prick about the quality of sex.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm, I don't think you've slept w/ enough women.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you've missed a huge point here (or maybe just mis-titled your post).
If a woman is willing to give head regularly, then it matters not what her level of skill in bed is. Why? Because having sex instead of getting that good blow job is always a disappointment, no matter how good she is. You see, it's more like a tree:
1) Blowers
...a)Good at sex
...b)Not good at sex
...c)Blowjob
In the above, 'c' is the only good result. Although 'b' is slightly more annoying than 'a', neither hold a candle to our beloved 'c'
Then we have:
2) Non-Blowers
...a)don't care
...b)don't care
...c)start enjoying loads in your mouth or else
In this example, our only hope lies in the possibility of said chick learning to love blowjobs. If not, then she is probably just fucking you for your money and you should dump her.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This has potential but just to see here are a few follow up questions for you:
1. Do I look like I've gained weight to you?
2. If something happened to me, would you date again?
3. If you did start dating again, would you let her use my stuff?
You two-timing BASTARD you would cheat on me if I died wouldn't you. You're just waiting for me to die so you can find some cheap floozy and then you would have the balls to let her wear my clothes.
I hate you I hate you I hate you
I'm calling my mother
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:31:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans.
Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!"
Aah, the wisdom of Homer.
Anyways.
This post was neither good, nor bad. You can do better, I am sure of it.
Submitted by rbdweasel (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:27:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, has everything I have ever thought already been done? And published? Chris Rock is a genius so I guess I don't feel too bad.
I was thinking about another category: "Women that say no" but then they would not be a girlfriend according to my definition.
Submitted by VetteGirl5 (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good to know I can stop trying. I knew guys were easy to please, but I never knew it could be THAT easy!
Then again, I don't think I believe you.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Blowjobs suck.
Submitted by clutch22 (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:07:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good point (although it was Chris Rock's orginially), but I think that women need to be broken down into one more subgroup.
1) Women who give good head.
2) Women who give bad head (but still a bit better than no head givers)
3) All other women.