Cultural Insensitivity and Death (694 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.66 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SausageKing (View user info) at 2004-03-09 15:42:54 EST
I have been thinking lately about how some of the enemies of the United States must feel about women in the armed forces. It is a somewhat culturally insensitive practice that must bruise a lot of egos in certain groups, especially in male dominated Islamic cultures. Let me tell you what I mean.
Everyone knows about Jessic Lynch, the teenage girl and American soldier who was captured during the Iraqi war. At the time of her capture, the news outlets reported that she had emptied her gun at her attackers and had taken a few soldiers out with before being taken prisoner. This was later found out to be false, that she likely didn't even fire a shot, but it still doesn't take away from the point I am going to make.
Guaranteed in this war at least a few women have confirmed kills, and with that in mind please consider the plight of the poor solders these women have slain. In the enlightened West with our gender equality, it shouldn't matter if you were gunned down by a man or woman in a war. Men and women are completely equal here, and if you make a chauvinistic complaint about feeling that it is undignified to be blown away by a cute little teenage girl, you will be in front of a human right's tribunal being tried for hate crimes faster than you can say 'Dubya is a monkey'. But things are different in the middle east. Gender equality hasn't caught on there, and life is still controlled by macho, misogynistic hair-bags. The thought of sending woman into battle is as foreign to Muslims as declaring a *Fatwa of Death against the Dennys that gave you food poisoning is to us.
* Fatwa - a ruling on a point of Islamic law that is given by a recognized authority
So here you are, a macho hairy Saddam look-alike sent to repel the imperialistic invaders from the nation of the Great Satan and lo-and-behold - you are gunned down by a young girl who looks like one of the Olsen twins. Now everyone has heard the stories about how if a Muslim dies in the cause of Islam he will go to Heaven and have his choice of something like **72 virgins or some nonsense like that.
** The math on this one is seriously wacky. In genetic terms roughly the same amount of men are born as women. Now by the time women die, at least naturally, most are no longer virgins. If you think about all of the Islamic men who qualify for heaven, multiply it by 72...something is just not adding up here. I have a feeling some of these virgins are not so virginal if you know what I mean.
Any ways,this soldier dies in the name of Islam, mercilessly slaughtered at the hands of a Mary-Kate Olsen look alike, and now he arrives in Muslim Heaven. So in this ultra-macho Islamic heaven, does this guy get his 72 virgins or what? I personally think he will get laughed out of there. I myself, being an enlightened, modern guy would have no problem being shot down by a teeny-bopper, nor would it affect the way I treated any fellow men who were, but for these Muslims this must be a real downer. I can image the conversation in Muslim heaven going something like this:
ACKBAR (Muslim solder shot by teenage girl and arriving in heaven to meet one of his war buddies): "Hey Abdul! It's me, your buddy Ackbar! I got killed by the forces of the great Satan and I just arrived!"
Ackbar's War Buddy ABDUL: "Ackbar!! Good to see you pal! This place kicks ass! I just got my 72 virgins and I've been busy de-virginizing them steady if you know what I mean. He he. You should be getting yours any time."
ACKBAR: "Cool, alright man, I can't wait!"
ABDUL: "So how did you get it man? Tomahawk? Smart Bomb? Apache? I got hit while in my tank from a fighter jet. Didn't see those devils once. They hit me from miles away. Those damn dirty Satans sure know how to build planes."
ACKBAR: "Oh...uh....ummm...well I died in a fire fight. Got shot."
ABDUL: "Damn man! That's awesome! You got to look one of those imperialistic pigs in the eye and spit on him before you went down! You know, for guys who die in a face to face battle with the great Satan's forces you get an extra 10 virgins! Way to go buddy!"
ACKBAR: "Uhh...thanks man."
ABDUL: "So the guy who got you - some sort of John Wayne/Rambo type was he? I know you're a tough guy - it could only be someone like that who could take you down. Am I right?"
ACKBAR: "Uhh...no...it was a *mumbles*"
ABDUL: "What? I didn't catch that? Can you please repeat that?"
ACKBAR: "It was a girl alight! I was killed by a little blonde blue-eyed teenage girl!"
ABDUL: *pauses for a moment with incredulous look on his face* "Buahahahahhahahah! A girl! You were killed by a little girl! Buahahhahahaaa...man I don't know. I don't think your getting any virgins for that dude. I think your going to be re-incarnated as a virgin yourself!"
ACKBAR: "Yeah shut up Abdul."
User Reviews
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2004-03-10 01:28:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
both the concept and the style of writing sucked dick. you have the intelligence of a mary kate olsen look a like. fucking faggot ass.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-03-10 01:10:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If it wasn't so shittily written, then +1. Funny gag though.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Eh, good idea but could be better written.
Submitted by Snipa (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What software did he use to record it, huh, I dont think its possible.
Submitted by Bob_Bank (user info) at 2004-03-09 16:13:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You did a pretty piss poor job at writing this, love how your research was watching TV. You took the american concept that people in heaven were here on earth. The truth is they are a work of fiction, which means poof out of thin air. Nice calling your dude Ackbar, good to know the fish head dude from star wars was a muslim. I meant to tear this post a new one, but it's lunch time for me. bye.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-09 16:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah that conversation really happened you see the guy has recorded talk from muslim heaven on his hard drive...now go kill yourself idiot
Submitted by Snipa (user info) at 2004-03-09 15:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did that convo really happen?