Jim, the Pacifist Ninja : How would he handle it? (604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by headlight (View user info) at 2004-03-10 00:38:10 EST
I've invented an alter ego for myself, a male, calm, martial artist. This is Jim, the Pacifist Ninja. He's completely nothing like me so I figured I could take advice from this guy. See, I sit around and think up crazy shit like this all the time. The only difference between this time and most other times is that I invtented this guy while sitting on the toilet at a nearby Chili's. I had just finished wolfing down a huge plate of food and was feeling unsettled. < insert sarcasm >I being the graceful person I am < end sarcasm >, was trying not to look like shit while going out. But somehow, on the way into the bathroom, I caught the eye of this stupid assed bitch who was playing with her blonde hair in the mirror, staring at her watch, maybe to time her next puke session.
I went into the stall closest to the wall and of course I had to get the one with the toilet seat falling off the fucking toilet. Ya know, they put the shit in your stomachs, you'd think they'd give you a decent place to dispose of it. But no, I have to almost fall off the toilet while taking a piss. This chick is joined by another one, who cares what the fuck she looks like, she's guilty by association for talking to this other bitch. The blonde started whispering to the other about me (what I was wearing..etc.), about a person who was angrily crapping a few feet away from her. Of course I'm going to fucking hear her.
So I'm thinking as I begin to rip a sheet of toilet paper off of the dispenser, "What do I do in this situation? How would Jim, the Pacifist Ninja handle it?" Well Jim would probably meditate on the situation, seeing as he's a pacifist, and then find a way to conveniently NOT use his Ninja powers. But I had no time to meditate so I flushed and deliberated for a second. I sure as Hell couldn't kick her ass at that moment, I might break her FOR GOOD. So I decided to use my awesome mental powers, instead of letting her get away with it. Stealthily I exited the stall and went up to her beside the sink. As I was washing my hands, I turned and looked her in the eyes and said, "MY GOD THAT WAS THE BEST CRAP I'VE EVER TAKEN!" The horrified look on her face was enough to keep me grinning for the rest of my night. I swear I could hear her squealing, "EW!" on my way out. Taking a crap was never so satisfying. Thanks Jim.
Yeah I'm totally disgusting...but hey Shit Happens. It just happened to happen to her face.
User Reviews
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-03-10 08:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-03-10 02:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's awesome. My alter-ego is called Karloff Van Cool. I haven't thought of anything for him to do yet.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-10 01:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was hoping you wiped and tossed the dirty butt tissue over the stall divider and on her head.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-03-10 00:55:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG that was funny! i'm serious