Bathroom Stories....or, Is it just me, or did that guy forget to wash his hands? (1429 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.22 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Goldeneyes (View user info) at 2004-03-10 15:32:48 EST
Like every living thing, from time to time I feel the urge to move my bowels. For those of you lacking in the terminology department, it means I need to take a shit.
Everybody does it. Yes, even hot chicks...although they'd never admit it and only guys with a sick "shit fetish" really think about that. Anyway, moving on...
Here's what gets me, and I've experienced each of these things enough times to think it's fairly common.
1) There have been numerous times I'm sitting in a stall, doing my business, and there's someone in the stall next to me. OK, no worries there - he minds his business, I mind mine. After a few minutes, or whenever he's done, I hear this faceless shitter pull down some toilet paper and wipe. And then pull up his pants, flush the toilet, and walk out.
Yes, he only wiped once.
Now, I have "clean shits" from time to time, but I always wipe several times anyway just to make sure. Afterall, you don't want to miss something like that. There's just no way that all these guys are having clean shits that often. Just no way. Which leaves one conclusion - there are guys running around out there with skidmarks the size of tractor trailer tires.
2) Most guys (most people in general, I believe), wash their hands after they use the bathroom. But not all of them. Just the other day, IN MY OFFICE, I'm in a stall, doing my business, and the stall next to me is occupied. The guy wipes - ONLY ONCE, of course - walks out...and DOES NOT WASH HIS HANDS!!!
Now, maybe he figured that since he only wiped once, he didn't need to wash up, I don't know. But now I'm faced with a dilemma: after I finish my business, and WASH MY HANDS, I now have to touch the door handle this asswipe (or non-asswipe, as the case may be) just touched. In this particular case, I used a paper towel to open the door, but what if I hadn't witnessed this disgusting act? What about the NEXT person to use the bathroom? And what the fact that I have to work with whoever this is? He probably hands me papers or whatever from time to time!
Ugh... We can make fun of Michael Jackson all we want for wearing gloves (and a million other things), but I bet he doesn't get the heebie-jeebies after using the men's - or ladies' - bathroom.
User Reviews
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-10 21:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-03-10 17:35:00 (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh my God! You had to actually touch something that made
contact with someone's hand for almost a full second! I'm
amazed you didn't die!
Too uptight...
-------------------------
I don't care about touching something someone else touched...I care about touching something that someone else touched AFTER WIPING (or not) THEIR ASS!!!!
And Goldneyes...as for your duel...BRING IT ON!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-10 21:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey congo thats one of the leading reasings people get sick from that kinda thing ...just a touch and u eat something after words or something and u can get really sick moron
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-03-10 17:35:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh my God! You had to actually touch something that made
contact with someone's hand for almost a full second! I'm
amazed you didn't die!
Too uptight...
Submitted by Goldneyes (user info) at 2004-03-10 16:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, work distracted me. I just KNOW I'm cuter, I can feel it. Besides, girls and boys are 2 seperate kinds of cute.
I challenge you to a duel of cuteness! (WTF!?!?)
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-03-10 16:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. In fact, I el oh elled.
Definitely agree about bathroom doors opening outwards. Good idea.
Submitted by rbdweasel (user info) at 2004-03-10 16:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written plus the obvious: shit = funny
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-10 16:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for
"there are guys running around out there with skidmarks the size of tractor trailer tires."
...Also, why do they always make the doors to washroom open inwards? It would make SOOOOO much more sense to have them open outwards. That way, once you've done your duty and washed up, you could push the door open and not have to touch a filthy handle??? Is it just me or does anyone else feel this way???
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good.
"I now have to touch the door handle this asswipe (or non-asswipe, as the case may be) just touched."
And that made me laugh. Good job!
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who says you're cuter? I'm pretty damn cute...or handsome, I suppose I should say.
Of course, I'm also narcis...narsi...umm... I love myself.
Submitted by Goldneyes (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know about most people, but I dont wipe more than once .... does that mean I always 'poop cleanly' or something?
oh yeah, and your name confuses me, makes me think I posted, when I didnt. I've been here longer, I'm cuter, I say change it! (or not, i'm pretty easy going)
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry - I was going to say "every human," but animals do it, too.
You're right though...not "every living thing" - although almost every living thing has some way of disposing of waste material.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-03-10 15:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the opening line irked me..."Like every living thing, from time to time I feel the urge to move my bowels." lots of living organisms don't have bowels. every plant for example.
solid +1, even though there was a lot of shitting imagery.
Quit your job. people wash hands here in NYC restrooms...then again, i don't reallt pay attention.
+1. solid.