Food Poisoning at a Job Interview (555 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fingerbang <str8pimpin213.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-10 17:26:34 EST
Yesterday I had my final three job interviews with a very prestigious company. I will be graduating college in May and this job is for a starting pay of $60,000 (koolmang, don't listen to those fucks - go to college its worth it). Anyway it just so happens that I have an awesome stroke of luck and get food poisoning from a mexican restaurant the night before. They put me up in a hotel that night and take me out to eat at the fancy cook your own steak place. Normally I would be in heaven but I felt like puking the whole time we were there. I did manage to eat a little piece of chicken before shitting it right back out 2 minutes later.
So yesterday rolls around and I still feel like shit. I have probably lost 15 pounds by now, i'm dehydrated and have absolutly no energy. Best of all I have 8 hours worth of interviews to go to. SWEEEEEET! They pick me up from my hotel at 7 am and i had already taken about 10 shits. My asshole hurts and I can barely walk. First thing i have to do is piss in a cup for a drug test before they can hire me. How the hell am I going to piss when I have shit out every last drop of anything. I manage to get a few squirts out but this isn't enough. Luckily the dye they put in the toilet water had not completely mixed together yet and i just put some of that in there. I was told not to flush the toilet or use the sink but now I had to take another shit so i didn't know what to do. I was sweating profusely trying to hold it in and i managed to hand her the cup and sprint to the bathroom outside the medical room. That was close.
Next it is on to the first interview. WOW. It seems like as soon as i sat down my stomach started going "bublabuglugbub". Shit shit shit shit, it hurts so bad to hold it in. I'm not even thinking about the questions being asked. I'm just sitting there sweat rolling down my face, butt cheeks puckered, saying to myself "ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod". Why did this have to happen to me on one of the biggest days of my life. Fuck this shit.
I managed to make it through the interviews all day, taking intermittant shits inbetween them and during meal breaks. Maybe they will see through all of the poo and hire me. I will find out friday or monday. I guess the lesson of the story is don't eat food made by dirty illegal mexicans the day before an interview because they shit in it and mexican shit will make you sick.
Side note, my roomate got a DUI this morning and I refused to bail him out cause i'm the man and I have better things to do with my money. Called him an asshole right in front of the cop for waking me up at 5:30 in the morning. The funny thing is he got pulled over right in front of our house.
User Reviews
Submitted by GreaterThanBest (user info) at 2004-03-10 22:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit man, that fucking sucks. Damn El Ranchirto (sp), should have stuck with Codys or something. Hopefully things went well and they do see pass all the shit coming out of your pant leg.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-10 20:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
pooping is funny
Submitted by smithy32 (user info) at 2004-03-10 18:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh
Submitted by Snipa (user info) at 2004-03-10 18:04:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
All I saw was the word piss, so I guess i'll giveya a 0.