Why I'm scared of clowns (764 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: story
Rating: 1.07 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by spacemonkey (View user info) at 2004-03-11 09:34:41 EST
Some years ago, a friend asked me to attend his little sister's birthday party to help stem his boredom. Being the fun loving age of eight, this seemed to be an excellent idea. I accepted his offer, with visions of ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey running through my head.
When I arrived at the appointed date, I was quite taken aback at the extravagance for the girl. There was a mountain of gifts, a cake large enough to feed a third-world country, a pony, and live entertainment in the form of a clown.
I remember him vividly.
He was very tall and thin, dressed in loose, colorful clothing. He had a bright orange afro, a red bulbous nose, and thick red lips. When he spoke, you could smell the sweet odor of gin.
The clown was entertaining all the kids with poorly done balloon animals, and the children were quite bored and dissatisfied.
"Wuz' da matta' wit' yous kids?" The clown slurred.
The question matched with his disturbing appearance had a horrifying effect on the crowd of children. The all simultaneously burst into tears.
"Shadup! Will ya? I'm supposed to be funny!"
But the children just cried louder.
The clown's eye twitched. His fists clenched, popping the balloon he was holding. The young crowd wailed on.
"That does it!" The inebriated clown yelled.
He turned and grabbed the cane of an old relative, and began to smash the mountain of gifts, crushing and thrashing the colorful boxes. Horrified children were shrieking and running everywhere. The adults were dumbfounded, and stood gaping in shock.
When the gifts had been reduced to a heap of paper and plastic, he kicked over the monumental cake. The kids had been worked into a frenzy by now and where running everywhere, screaming in terror. It was anarchy.
With the cake and presents ruined, the clown turned his attention to the, until now calm pony. Producing a nearly empty bottle of booze from his oversized pants he smashed it over the pony's head. He slashed its throat with the jagged remains, and then began to wave it savagely at anyone who approached him.
Fortunately the adults had regained their senses and worked out a plan. While one distracted the demented clown, another sneaked up behind with a shovel and hit him over the head. Once the clown was down the adults swarmed over him, kicking and cursing. They did this until the police arrived; at which point they backed away.
What I saw was a wretched sight. Abrasions and bruises covered the clown's body. An eye was swollen shut; the other hung loosely from its socket. Blood seeped from every orifice on his face.
"Wuz da matta'..." the clown gargled through his blood choked throat, "didn't ya find that funny?"
True story.
![clown03[1].jpeg (7 kB)](http://stuff.ubersite.com/1079015681122621886/1/clown03[1].jpeg)
User Reviews
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-03-11 14:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
disturbing
Submitted by Bob_Bank (user info) at 2004-03-11 13:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also hated clowns from an early age. I was dragged to cirque de soleil at the age of six, and was of course scared shitless by the main clown. Some of the act was queued to the song where the chorus begins with "devil in the deep blue sea" Since that day I've feared clowns will eat me out in the ocean. "killer clowns from outer space" kicks all manner of ass.
Submitted by rbdweasel (user info) at 2004-03-11 13:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's funny as hell.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-03-11 12:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Remember that movie, "Killer Clowns From Outer Space"? As a 7 or 8 year-old, after seeing that movie, I thought that every clown wrapped people up in cotton-candy and drank their blood.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-11 12:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Loren's link is one of those things that you don't want to look at for the sake of your soul but are tempted regardless
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-03-11 10:55:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-03-11 10:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Clows are scary.
But cowns.....cowns are a force to be reconed with.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-03-11 10:23:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh....yipes!
+1 for clows being the spawn of Satan.
Submitted by roxxxy (user info) at 2004-03-11 10:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Watch the movie 'It'
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-11 10:06:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clowns are damn scary.
Submitted by TheQuirkster (user info) at 2004-03-11 10:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack Handy is scared of clowns too:
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad."
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-11 09:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scared of clowns? Then this site is for you baby: http://www.ouchytheclown.com/
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-03-11 09:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-03-11 09:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yikes!