Karloff Van Cool and Jim, the pacifist Ninja : crimefighting duo (637 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by headlight (View user info) at 2004-03-12 01:23:02 EST
I could imagine this Karloff Falconer spoke of ( http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1078897090961924624 ) as I was walking a college campus. I saw a pair of black people walking the opposite way down the sidewalk. I stopped to cross the street to the other sidewalk, seeing as there was easier access to the class I was trying to get to. As I was waiting for a car to pass by, the black people stopped across the street from me. The woman, bursting at the seams and superfluously bedecked in all sorts of unflattering glittery jewelry puckered her lips in disgust as she eyed me.
"What tha fuck you lookin' at beeitch?"
I had already asked Jim for advice on what to do if she spoke to me at all. Jim's advice was to calmly approach her and tell her that her rendition of the term bitch was not only incorrectly pronounced, but rude. "Say that you were looking past her at the darker person behind her." Jim said. "Then follow with a snicker." 'As in the candybar?' I thought. "No the laugh you imbesil." He said. I laughed out loud.
"I aksed you a queshin, ho." The girl beside her was busy on her cellphone. "And what the fuck is you laughin' at?" I felt a poke in my ear by the stylish and rugged Karloff Van Cool, said suavely with his Russian accent,"She looks like a roasted peeg, crush her with your bare hands."
I clenched my fists and pounded it into my other hand. Yes, I was going to do it. I was finally not going to take any shit from another random black person calling me names. My eyebrow flinched like I was a character from DBZ. "Ooooh...the krakuh is gon' get off da white only sidewalk and beat my ass...looka dat sheeit." She spoke to the girl beside her who obviously didn't give a shit. I started walking across the street when another car began to pass and they slammed on their brakes in a mud puddle. The bitch was covered in mud and so was the car. The driver's side window rolled down about two inches and I saw a familiar pair of eyes. It was one of my best friends, the person I'd come to meet as he was coming out of class. His class had let out early. He'd seen me and pulled up to the sidewalk to pick me up. I grinned and opened the rear passenger door. I peered over the top of the car as I got in, "One thing." I paused for dramatic effect, "the mud's an improvement." I laughed in an overly-triumphant manner.
I didn't have to get into a civil brawl after. Mother nature and a sudden stop had done the job for me. If I'm lucky, I'll never have to beat anybody up ever again.
Rain = mud = revenge. Yay.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bob_Bank (user info) at 2004-03-12 15:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Not much else to say, just Awesome
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-03-12 13:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-03-12 13:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a little bit full of crazy, but it did make me smile.