Limits - Who am I working for? (30352 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Randy S. <randyman.at.woodstock.com> (View user info) at 2001-05-31 12:17:28 EDT
Rest assured Brie, you aren't alone. While the casual observer might watch me at work and think "God damn... do something!", I have found the year or so that I've had this job to be a great place to test limits. Something you don't get to do on a daily basis. I test my boss' limits, I test my computer's limits, I test our Internet connections' limits, and I test my personal Mountain Dew limit. I also test my "What the fuck can I get away with now" limits. Whether its coming into the office at 2:30AM to get plastered with my buddies... or whether its showing up 2:30 hours late (that's only happened once or twice... per week, on average)... or whether its seeing how many full-albums I can download AND burn to CD in one day - I'm always pushing the edge in some way at this job.
I work a lot more than an hour a day. In fact, as long as I'm awake and at work, I'm working. The big question here is, who am I working for? I take pride in someone else paying me American dollars and cents to work for myself on someone else's time using someone else's Internet connection and someone else's computer.
Anyone feel sorry for my employer yet? Not to worry - whenever I'm late - err, every day - I have to bring my boss a double shot from Starbuck's. I pretend that I had some reason for being late (i.e. car broke, friend graduating, cat drown, alarm clock rebooted, a parent got in an accident, and the usual horrible cold with a matching miraculous recovery in a day or two), and he pretends to believe me for free coffee. It works out quite nicely.
Brie & Patrick - perhaps you'll know what I'm talking about here. I usually end up with an hour or two of overtime each paycheck. Why? Because come 5:00, I end up staying late to actually do what had to be done that day. UPS picks up our drop-box at 5:45PM. We're a software company, and when someone purchases our product, we usually overnight it to them. We typically have two or three overnight's per day. So the total amount of work done, by me, per day can be calculated in one of two ways - multiply 0:15 minutes by the number of UPS receipts we have (like I said, usually two or three) - or, subtract 5:00PM from the time I actually left work.
Hmm... what else... oh yeah, how many do-nothing-at-work people out there truly appreciate their lunch hour? The concept is simple - someone realized that it's difficult to smoke weed at most jobs... so they invented lunch hour. But (I'm testing limits again) how high can one truly get during their lunch hour? Do the math - I live 15 minutes away from my office. Now - given that - how much time can I spend at home bubbling the bong before I have to go back?
It's a trick question. You should know the answer... an hour. That's time spent at home, not driving. Who takes an hour for lunch? I usually take 1 1/2 hour lunches. :)
In all seriousness, I thought I was alone too. I could've sworn that I was the only one lucky enough to be stuck in a room with an Internet connection and a CD burner for 8 hours a day. But it's good to know that others are coming up with new and creative ways to waste their employers time. Keep up the great work, and keep writing these wonderful do-nothing-at-work essays!
MP3's Downloaded to Date, on Company Time: 2,732
-Randy
smp4me
User Reviews
Submitted by shinebox (user info) at 2006-11-14 01:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKEN BRILLIANT
AND THE MOUNTAIN DEW U KNOW I LIKE FUCKEN MOUNTAIN DEW 2
ALSO CAN U GET SHINEBOX A JOB OVER THERE
Submitted by MeeatG (user info) at 2006-11-14 00:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-25 12:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You punk motherfucker you ... he he he -2 love me x
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-12-29 17:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clearly amazing. Both the post and the post-er.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-11 12:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-07-12 17:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Talk about a one-hit wonder!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-23 10:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh, this guy has 1 post and almost 20000 hits. Now THAT'S impressive.
Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-20 07:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once got paid $8.00 an hour to play poker and fill out surveys. Ah, the good old days...
Submitted by anSiarach (user info) at 2004-07-07 08:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-09 11:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
QueenAshlee, there's a remedy for that. It's called education. Education. Can you say it?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-28 20:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh... I wait tables about 14 hours a day. Fuck all of you.
Submitted by kinney69 (user info) at 2003-12-28 20:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
On Christmas day, I got paid $22 an hour to do a giant crossword puzzle. Nothing was happening. I had a full 8 hour shift regardless. I watched football and then did my crossword.
It's like that every night at my office. I work the night shift, so I usually get paid $15/hour. My friends hate me. Over summer, I taught myself how to make paper cranes. My desk is in the corner of the office, and no one can see my computer screen. As long as I'm sitting here, looking at the screen, typing, and occasionally looking at a sheet of paper, people think I'm working.
Unfortunetly, my computer sucks, so I can't download anything or play decent online games. But we have a big TV (with Sports ALWAYS on it) and a snack desk, so that makes up for it. I've thought about asking for a new computer.
Hehehehe...Back to "Work"
Submitted by Joe <jocbmac.at.comcast.net> at 2003-12-20 16:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man and I thought I was the only one, im 17 years old and Ive had 3 jobs, first was working in a warehouse busting my ass for 6.50 an hour, then was making minimum wage (5.15) to answer phones for a pizza place, and now Im here(right at this moment) been here for about 2 months, Its this hotel on the beach and I run the giftshop(which gets a customer roughly once every 30 minutes to an hour) We have a big business line for internet(HDSL I think) and they tried to "block" the internet from all of the lower level employees (such as myself) needless to say it took me about 5 minutes to figue out how to get around it, so I spend my days trying to pass the time by reading forums and news articles and shit and I get paid more than all my friends who either bust their ass, or work in a fast food joint. Life is sweet.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-14 23:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good eats.
Submitted by daidoji70 <daidoji70.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-10-04 10:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hear Hear.
/*sniff sniff*/ you set a fine example for all us young folks out there.
One day I hope for the job you describe.
Submitted by oddbob (user info) at 2003-09-15 13:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ive been working at a university, dealing with admissions for about 3 months now. My days consist of making 3 phone calls an hour and beyond that surfing the internet or taking breaks to go for joints. I LOVE MY JOB.
Submitted by senseiofmattitudev1 (user info) at 2003-08-27 01:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have one word for ya... Wal~Mart.
I am a "cart pusher" and ya know what I do all day? I sit in the back hallway and play with the little scanning guns, and when a manager walks by I ask if i can do anything for them, so not only do I stay not busy, but I look like I'm going "above and beyond"... brown-nosing, or being lazy?
That's the true question.
MWAHAHA
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-06-30 14:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and that reminds me.
somehow when paychecks go out, regardless of how tight money is, MINE always cashes... weird...
maybe it has something to do with me printing my paycheck 2 days earlier..
think i need an advance this week. monday's gonna be my new payday.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-06-30 13:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. what is this world coming to? SOMEONE has to be doing work right? i mean... stuff is getting done... so someones gotta be doing something somewhere.
certianly not me.
my work is horrid.
im the clerk at this electrical motor repair company. they fix big railroad motors and such. anyways, i just started like 2 months ago, and just found out from the outside accountant that comes in on occasion, that this company hasnt bothered paying any taxes since, oh i dont know, 2001. And we have almost no money in the bank cuz the idiot boss keeps doing favors for people and doing shit for free. so we owe about $75,000 in taxes, and about $50,000 in bills, and its a stretch to make payroll every two weeks. If i cared about this company i would have an anurism (sp?) and be in a coma somewhere. but i dont.
its like the musicians on the titanic. oh well. the fuckers gonna sink. why not chill? only difference is, when this company dies (and im SURE its only a matter of time), i jus move on to another company. i dont drown.
i work everyday from 9-3. i take an hour (at bare minimum) for lunch, and i make it a policy not to achieve anything until after lunch. so im just hanging out now... but its time for lunch! so im off to the home to see if any records came in from ebay! back later! :-D
Submitted by Speed at 2003-05-21 09:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do pretty much the same thing. Wake up, shower, smoke a bowl on the way to work. I am supposed to be here at 6, I get in between 7 and 4. My boss is 600 miles away, and I work in a very slow warehouse with my own nice office. Some times I even bring home my time clock and only wake up to punch in or out. It does get kind of boring, but that's what the weed is for.
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2003-05-21 05:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I work on a Service desk for Britains biggest phone companies and if anyone has a software problem who works for BT ie. Outlook doesnt work, I advise them how to fix it over the phone. Theres a hell of a lot of people that work for BT doing different things so I could get a director or a thick 60 yr old engineer that has been given a laptop and doesnt have a clue. Suppose you have heard the one about 'Press any key, wheres the 'any' key'? Thats exactly what its like.
As for the amount of work I do - I have written all the above and the phone hasnt rung. I get roughly 15 minutes in between calls so I just play online games like pool and read everything on here. I cant really move from my desk in case the phone rings so if anyone has any interesting sites please post them on here. I also talk to 'me bitch' as I like to call her, on email all day and fuck about throwing paper balls.
Does nobody actually have a job where they actually notice when they are on a break?!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-05-21 04:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I work IT, and it seems that I never have ANY work to do. I am amazed at my friends who say they have to stay late and do work. Shit, I never have anything to do while I am at work. I work the midnight shift, 10PM-7AM, and sleep atleast an hour evey night. I just need to find some more quality reads, I already visit maddox, uber, boredatwork, espn, and all the news you could possibly ever want to read. Lately I've gotten into watching movies online @ ifilm, atomfilms and movieflix. Unfortunately I cannot dl any MP3's at work, so I am stuck doing what I am doing.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-05-17 11:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Chriss <Pryncschriss.at.netscape.net> at 2003-05-07 14:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So my boredom is a choice, I work in a small company where the owner is always on the road! (I gear my resume to keep getting jobs like this, usually "I work best independently in small companies" during the interview sounds so impress and hardworking) Little do they know. Looking busy is so much harder than actually being busy, this, I consider work, my new found love of looking for recipes, knowing every turn of the stock market as well all the useless factoids I can collect online, and how much work do I do for 5 days. Ohh 10/40. It's a beautiful to be thought of as the ever-needed employee who does nothing but picks her nose and surfs online. But this is hard hard work, those 10 hours a week, (I'm working to lower this number_ involves organization and attention to detail or they would think I'm slacking! I KNOW! GO FIGURE, I'm not slacking, I have stuff to do, for me, for me and for most important me.
Working hard to get paid to pick my nose.
Submitted by brandye <brandye19.at.aol.com> at 2003-04-01 13:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This sounds like me. I work in a tiny office with one other person, my boss who never pays me on time and is also never here. So as a trade-off for his tardiness in providing me with my "hard-earned" bucks i spend a lot of time downloading songs, videos, surfing, and taking the infamous 1 1/2 hour smoke-filled lunches.
A man of my own heart!!!! :-)
Submitted by Fiona <x.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-02-27 11:35:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't beleive this site is still on the net! - I'm working for a new company now and still bored at work....!
Submitted by dpcoe (user info) at 2002-08-02 08:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I work at a small company and my Boss is out for most of the day, I get to sit at my desk smoking, daydreaming and surfing the Net (much to my co-workers annoyance) for roughly 7hrs each day, and when I do get a phonecall (rarely) I just palm off any work involved to someone else by pretending i'm really busy!
I rule!
Submitted by yidele <yidele.at.hotmail.com> at 2002-08-01 21:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I work for an international telecom related company ( to remain nameless ). My work hours tend to be unusual in that often I have nothing to do for weeks - then there are periods of frantic activity when a deadline is due or when one of our customers decides to screw our company because of contract defaults / penalties unavoidable in this business. The end result is very predictable - we ( meaning I and my fellow wageslaves) have to scurry like meth addicted rats whenever it turns out that one of our eager-beaver marketing/sales wizards signed a contract with unrealistic schedules or included features which the customer wanted but which where not available at the time of the signing. I love my job - no pressure - if you don't make the deadlines it in time you can still come in during the weekends...
Submitted by harry <harold.dozier.at.yale.edu> at 2002-07-29 15:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been at work since 10 a.m. I've done nothing all day but check out 'boredatwork.com sites. I work in a lab that only uses macs so no music downloading for me. We have burners. I get to use lots of software and build lots of pointless websites. I scan a lot of pictures. Oh god! I am so bored!
Submitted by daydreamer <cplegrand.at.mail.com> at 2002-07-18 05:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i tried lsd at work once... i work in a cleanroom at IBM, everyone wears the same white or blue "umpa lumpa" suit.. many surfaces are mirrored or reflective somehow... things are very weird. then the phone rings... the man on the other end starts asking confusing questions in chicken language. 12 hours later the shift ends... as does the trip. it was not really something i'd go out of my way to repeat. so... don't regret it too much.
Submitted by Fiona (user info) at 2002-07-08 07:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It made me laugh to see that I wasn't the only one getting up to mischief at work. Anyone with good ideas about things to do whilst at work then I'd love to hear about them!
Submitted by Wonko The Sane <wonkothesane.at.swirve.com> at 2002-06-07 17:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mmm.. sounds like how I ended up at this site in the first place.
This is my first week doing tech support..
I couldn't be any boreder.
Submitted by Razor at 2002-03-11 10:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. Yeah. Thank the Gods for White Collar America!
Submitted by Bored <Bored.at.work.com> at 2002-01-14 11:03:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, reading that made my morning. I do tech support. I have a really crappy computer here in this jail cell of an office. Quit? I can't quit. Money. I need it. It's Monday morning at 11:00am and the only thing getting me through the day is knowing that I have 6:00 appointment for a massage. I haven't smiled once. Ok, I smiled when I read this post, but other than that....all frowns. I can't stand tech support. Anyone about to apply for a tech support job DON'T DO IT!!!!! ARGH!!!!
Good read, though.
Submitted by biggerstonerslacker <no--again> at 2002-01-10 16:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just wanted to point out that I actually spent 5 minutes or so today watching what happens when you wave your hand in front of a computer screen. That is fantastic.
Submitted by biggerslackerstoner <uh--no> at 2002-01-10 15:40:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am currently employed (and currently at my job) at a small internet company, my job is quality assurance and whatever menial tasks they can throw my way (and I can subsequently shirk). I never thought I'd learn first-hand what a sinecure is, but I'm glad I did. I have a friend who lives closer to my office than I do, he has no job currently, and for my lunch break, I go get ripped with him. It's great because for a while several of my friends had no job and we'd all meet at his house for my 1:00 appointment to get stoned as fuck. They would actually roll up the joints before I got there so we could make the best use of our time. It's good to have such caring friends (stops to wipe a tear from his eye.) The best part of the whole thing is that I actually was more efficient following 'lunch' than I was on those long, sober mornings.
Sadly now, I'm about to leave this wonderful place of employment to return to school and looking back, I count only a short list of regrets. First, I regret not being able to swing having a computer with a burner. Second, I regret that I didn't have a companion time-wasting burnout to spend my workdays with, laughing (because we're baked) about how we get paid to abuse company resources. Third, I don't think I can forgive myself for never experiencing the workplace under the influence of any substance other than marijuana and tobacco (and of course caffeine). I always wanted my computer monitor to turn into a hybrid organic robot that would try to kill me and eat me.
Ok, writing that was fun. Back to work!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2001-12-05 00:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
DSL is coming to my workplace but I don't know about the burner..might have to go with an external to hook up to a rather isolated terminal..from 5pm to 8 pm that mammy is all mine. I hate the job but I fully expect the place to fall apart after I leave. Its a good thing, I really treasure it.
Submitted by Nick Mulvey <nmulvey.at.pike.k12.in.us> at 2001-11-28 15:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, you're my hero. You're work day is virtually identical to mine, good man.
Submitted by Patrick <psmccartty.at.yahoo.com> at 2001-11-06 18:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree, eventhough I was laid off form the place that i did work where i could so easily good off, dam econmy oh well its nice to see that my orginal submission is still up and on this sight, all i can say now is that, I have a government job and i do even less now!!!!
Hell Yeah!
Submitted by Brandy at 2001-08-23 12:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Leah Larocque <QueenCaTra.at.hotmail.com> at 2001-08-15 20:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet hazeus-sign me up!
I get ragged on for surfing your site!
I keep feeling like testing the limits of my gracious place of employment,
but you are some kind of exaggeration or god.
is it sheer slothfulness?
or do you just pride yourself of rebellion?
If only some coffee and snackiesmores would ease my boss into appathy
when my "adherence" isn't, well, quite ad~here.
I switched to nights so I could slack off and do important things
like check my hotmail every 15 mins or so, or test my reflexes online-
search e-bay..that type of thing..
ah, but to experience the pure bliss of being all alone all day (or at will)
with a burner while being burnt-and getting paid for it-
Can I get a reference?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2001-08-14 09:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2001-07-09 13:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2001-06-04 13:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment