Sideburns Goes Psycho-Crazy-Buckwild-Mofo-Rizzo style-NUTS (2743 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-03-13 20:43:24 EST
When I was in highschool, I had a strong sense of being. I was not afraid of anyone or anything and always stood up for myself whenever challenged. For that reason alone, I had only been in few fights my whole life. I'm able to either talk my way out of fights or talk so much shit that the opposing party backs down. Unfortunately, I wasn't like this my whole life. In middle school, I avoided confrontation at all costs. When the school bullies made fun of me, I let them have their fun. In middle school, I hadn't bulked up just yet, so I was an easy target.
Steven, the bully that gave me the most trouble. He was 6 foot something, 300+ pounds. He was quite a hefty guy. At the time, I thought it was cool to have slicked back hair and a comb in my back pocket-- ala 'Outsiders' style. Steven dubbed me the nickname Paco because apparently Mexicans slick their hair back more than street thugs. This nickname spread throughout middle school fast and before you know it, everyone was teasing me with the Paco name. Even the hispanics were making fun of me for looking like a Mexican. I knew that was a low point.
In gym class, Big Steven dropped weights on my feet while I was trying to lift. In History class, he sat behind me and threw pieces of pencil at me. I was literally scared to go to school because of this guy, he made my life a living hell. One day in particular, I was sitting in History class not feeling so well. I had the flu and was sneezing like crazy. Steven takes the opportunity to come over to my desk and kneel down beside me..
"Aw, what's the matter Paco? Little bitch feeling sick?"
''ACHOO!''
Steven had my snot and saliva covering his face, which received a roar of laughter from the class. Everyone found this funny but me. I knew I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. He wiped his face, gave me a look that says ''You're dead'' and went back to his desk. After class ended, I tried to get out of the classroom before he did, but it was no use. As soon as I got out of the door, I was pushed from behind. Not just any push, this push snapped my neck back and gave me whiplash. I laid on the ground, surrounded by students egging Steven on to kick my ass. Kick my ass he did. I was kicked about 20 to 30 times as I just lay there. I didn't fight back.
A couple weeks later, I saw him at school again for the first time. He actually tried to be my friend.. or so I thought. In gym class he asked me to play him in a one on one game of basketball. I humbly obliged. When he had the ball and I was guarding him, he took the ball and threw it as hard as possible at my face. He broke my nose. Since that day, he had given me many more memories I'd rather forget.
The summer before I started highschool, I was still the pansy guy that was afraid of confrontation. On a late summer night I was walking to the convenience store while listening to my portable cd player when a car pulled up near me and rolled down the window. A gun was pulled on me and I remember someone telling me to give them the cd player.
From that day forward, nothing scared me.
My freshman year of highschool was going great, then in the middle of the school year I happened to run across Steven again. I stood out in front of the school waiting for my ride as he muttered something about the ass kicking he had given me a few years earlier. His mom was picking him up in the front of the school and as he got into his mom's brand new Mercedes, I don't know what came over me, but I yelled to him...
"Hey, Steven! I'm gonna pay you back for all the hell you gave me, you fucking pussy!"
He said nothing to me because his mom was present, got in the car and left. For some odd reason, I hadn't seen him the rest of the year. Apparently he was arrested and sent to a juvenile center. I was literally ready to stand up to him the next day. I was still a skinny kid, but I wasn't scared anymore. Since highschool, I've bulked up considerably.
When would I run into Steven again?
Today.
When in my life would I snap for the first time ever?
Today.
I was inside the grocery store when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turn around and see Steven standing there. He asked me if I was ever going to pay him back like I promised I would. He muttered something about me still being a pussy, but I wasn't going to fight. I'm a grown person now. He's still a highschool bully. I explained to him that those days were over and that I had grown mature. I wasn't going to fight him under any circumstance.
"Okay, too bad you fucking pussy."
What the FUCK did he just say to me?! AW HELL NAW! It's on like Donkey Kong, beeyatch.
You thought I kicked his ass in the store, didn't you? You're wrong. I kept my composure and walked out to my car. I put the grocery bags into my car when he suddenly pulls up in the Mercedes his mom used to own...
"What's up, PACO?"
Paco? Paco? PACO?!?! I've got your Paco right here!
Saturday, March 13, 2004 at approximately 4 o'clock PM, I lost it. I charged to his car, kicked the shit out of his door, denting the hell out of it. He then tried to step out of the car, but I punched him in the face over and over, I'm guessing about 10 times. He put his hands in the air to block me as the blood started running down his nose. He stepped on the gas and flew across the parking lot, hitting the hell of a buggy return rack. He won all the battles, but I won the war.
I need some ice.
..Whatchu lookin' at?
![toddlermakingfacesquare[1].jpg (2 kB)](http://stuff.ubersite.com/1079228604792430981/1/toddlermakingfacesquare[1].jpg)
User Reviews
Submitted by your_brown_eyed_girl (user info) at 2004-11-02 11:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Completely stupid
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG SIDEBURNS I LOVE YOU!!!! OMG OMG!!!!!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you like a complimentary +2 on your pillow for the morning?
..of course you would
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-11-01 20:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for keeping it together, then paying the fucker back when he asked for it.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-11-01 19:54:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-01 19:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope this really happened!
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-11-01 19:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice shizzle, inspiring!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-11-01 15:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sideburns, i've said it before, but you have inspired me to write my own story of triumph.
its going to be awesome.
Submitted by Akegata (user info) at 2004-07-23 06:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
Submitted by Kichigai (user info) at 2004-04-29 05:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
own
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-04-20 14:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking incredible, I love stories like that.
Apart from what would have been great was if you had lashed out when you were a little scrawny guy. He'd never have expected it; just imagine:
"Hey Paco, you pussy!", and he taps you on the shoulder.
Without even a pause for thought you turn around and drive your palm into his face and smash his nose. You don't even try going for anywhere else, you're beating his bloody nose, screaming and thrashing as other people try to pull you off.
After that, you may have been known as the crazy kid who went wild, but boy would you have earned some fucking respect!
I wish people picked on me, so I could let loose.
seb (never been in a fucking fight)
Submitted by UberJudge (user info) at 2004-04-20 14:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth Reading
Submitted by Steve at 2004-04-18 23:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My boxers are covered in shit and piss.
Submitted by Steve at 2004-04-18 23:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You lying bastard I kicked beat the shit outta you and then fucked your ass. What's more you loved it u faggot!
Submitted by JoJoBoBa <JojoJaba.at.aol.com> at 2004-04-13 13:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-06 19:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-03 03:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was certainly worth my time
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-18 23:41:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass (+2)
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-17 19:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
..i'm not mexican, but thank you.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-03-16 19:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just talked shit to everyone who tried to bully me. For some strange reason we always ended up as friends when time passed.
Submitted by Whiskey_Sour (user info) at 2004-03-15 13:01:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock on brother!
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-03-15 12:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mess with the Mexicans...they'll fuck you up.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-03-15 12:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-15 11:42:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-03-15 01:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THA...kidding.
Way to go.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-03-15 00:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's on like Donkey Kong!
I vow to say that at least once tomorrow.
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-03-14 19:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks, burns
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-03-14 10:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best thing i've read today! props to you for standing up for yourself...
... and here's your 25th +2...
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-03-14 10:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
personally i think your lying. your still a scrawny bitch. your getting the plus 2 for making me laugh.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-14 10:01:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
T.chow, I'd find someone to host the music. I've never tried posting music on Uber, but I've seen a couple files that have been. Half the time, they don't even work.
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-03-14 09:12:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So now you're friends and are drinking beer together laughing over the whole thing?
NO?
Throw away the experiences, keep the lessons. Don't you see that he was acting out of wisdom and was willing to sacrifice himself to make you discover your true non-pussy nature. Thank him for being your bully.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-03-14 01:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns,
Glad to see you got your revenge, even though it was a bit late. This story reminded me of two things- the first being the "Hey Carmine, it's me, Will- from kindergarten." Fight in Good Will Hunting. The second thing it reminded me of was a post by Cup of Joe about a middle school bully. Give it a read, it's long, but worth it-
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=107031970448863888
Submitted by moose74 (user info) at 2004-03-14 00:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely written. Makes me wish I could meet my high school bully in a grocery store so I could get my revenge.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2004-03-13 23:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because i said so
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-13 23:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my absolute hero. I love you.
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-03-13 22:41:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice post
end review, begin question:
*******====================================================================*****
i want to post some of my music from a recent open mic; does anyone know if
it's better for me to find someone to host it or to post it directly?
*******====================================================================*****
don't mean to steal thunder burns, but i know that if i put that here, it'll get seen
Submitted by goddamnyouall (user info) at 2004-03-13 22:00:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by smithy32 (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by UberUser (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's damn good
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Noice dude. In this day and age the art of throwin' down when you have to is becoming a lost art.
Congratulations.
Werd.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:14:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the post and the fact that while i was reading this the music i was listening to creepily cued up perfectly to what i was reading.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ess2s2- share with us. did you kick his ass? ...... her ass?
poly- i think you succeeded.
smoky- right back atcha. wink wink.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the best. That is all...
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:01:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had my encounter, but I will tell it later, suffice it to say that some justice was done.
Great post.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:01:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna be the one comment that sticks out as original...
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-03-13 21:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whooooooo! I'm so proud.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-03-13 20:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool. Maybe there is such a thing as justice after all.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-13 20:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AJ, you read this entire post about a guy who finally gets revenge on a bully, a story of triumph...
and you're only +2ing the Donkey Kong reference?
You dumbass, haha.
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-03-13 20:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, the stoty made feel warm and fuzzy inside. I can relate to being a scrawny kid, i'm 18 and still only 5'7", but I was fortunate enough to have very big freinds. Those friends saved me from a few ass woopins.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-03-13 20:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hell yeah!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-13 20:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Donkey Kong.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-13 20:46:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to have a warning when you post so I know not to post haha.
Now my post will get ignored,
Why are you so godly?