I Hate Poetry (797 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.42 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rabid Weasel <rbdweasel.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-15 11:22:24 EST
A public service message to anyone who writes or is thinking about writing poetry: you suck.
Poetry is dead. One time, long ago, poetry was popular. Back then a few geniuses created some decent work, but we forget that even then, 99.9% of poetry was utter crap. This dungheap of verse has mercifully decomposed though we have reminders of its foulness, namely in my fellow bitter cynics' Samuel L. Clemens's fictional Emmeline Grangerford and Douglas Adams's Vogons. Speaking of Vogons, I regret to inform you that your poetry has been banned by the Geneva Convention as inhumane. Please report to The Hague to be sentenced for crimes against humanity.
In the day when many educated and talented wordsmiths labored to create quality verse, very little was ever produced. Now that most poetry is written by self-absorbed high schoolers, the chance of a good poem appearing is effectively zero. So please, in the name of all that is good in the World, stop. I beg you. Stop posting it on your home page. Stop asking your friends to read it. (If they compliment it they are either just being nice or trying to get in your pants.) And most emphatically stop posting it on Ubersite. Reading it feels like hot needles in my eyes. I am telling you your poetry guaranteed 100% sucks so you don't need anyone else's feedback. I could create better art using only my anus and a square of Charmin.
I hate smashing youthful aspirations, but it is for your own good. The time you spend writing poems would be better directed towards correcting the grammar in your emails, composing an eloquent shopping list or giving that festering zit the squeeze it deserves. I implore you, if you have any decency in your body, for the sake of your friends, family and every Web surfer do not ever poison the World with your atrocious verse again.
User Reviews
Submitted by disgruntled (user info) at 2004-05-27 23:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally someone who makes sense.
Geez poetry *NEEDS* to stop!
Hippie poetry is an exception to this rule. It just makes great songs.
*One pill makes you larger,
and one pill makes you small
and the one that mother gives you,
don't do anything at all...
go ask Alice
when she's ten feet tall!*
--White rabbit by Jefferson Airplane.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-27 22:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-05 09:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I myself prefer to hear Poly maon.
Submitted by craik (user info) at 2004-03-16 15:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here is a question for all you poetry haters...what kind of music do you like? Does it have words? Do the words say more then baby baby be my baby. If you asnwer yes to does my favorite music have words, then you are a bunch of hypocrites.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-15 16:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God... I hate it too.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-03-15 14:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your own ratings don't count my friend.
Submitted by rbdweasel (user info) at 2004-03-15 14:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am giving myself a +2 because Ymeister19 is a complete retard. You are barely literate and you think you have legitimate thoughts on poetry? Shut the fuck up.
Submitted by Ymeister19 (user info) at 2004-03-15 13:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Poetry is dead? I think your right, it is dead, but not dead because all poetry sucks, dead because free verse which is the dominant form of poetry sucks my ass hole. Most people who write poetry now write free verse. And well free vs sucks is what it all boils down too. Anyone can write a paragraph, seperate it into lines and be like hey look its a poem. Thats what free verse does is gives any untalented idiot license to think they have talent. Also people have a tendency to think poetry is used to describe specific objects or scenarios, its no longer used to communicate a point or idea which is what poetry is meant to do in the first place. On the other hand lyrical poetry(poetry that rhymes) is far from dead. In fact its the very popular music thats typically called RAP. Take a lyrical poem put it too a beat and youve got rap music. The lines tend to be longer, and also tend to be less abstract but essentially they are the same thing.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-03-15 12:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would not say that poetry is dead, maybe in need of a facelift and some liposuction, but not dead
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-15 11:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Vogon reference.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-03-15 11:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I respect your opinion, and this was written okay, so you get a +1.
But, I must disagree. Poetry is _not_ a lost art. You'll always have the usual gang of idiots, those who confuse genius and pretension, but it is far from the pile of worthless you seem to belive it to be.
If you just don't like poetry, then you just don't like poetry. But that doesn't mean that there are no good poets anymore. In any literary magazine you may pick up containing poetry, I'll bet that for every six shitpoems you read you'll find one that is actually good.
A pretty fair ratio of to trash to treasure. Unlike fiction. Now fiction is another argument...