Fun with the RealDoll (18719 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.72 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SausageKing (View user info) at 2004-03-16 02:15:59 EST
Sorry for any bad taste you may encounter in this article.
While surfing the net I stumbled (yes stumbled) across one of the most fascinating and provocative products I have ever seen in my life. The far reaching implications of this product made me delve deep within myself and search my soul for what it means to be human. This product is the RealDoll, a life-sized foam latex sex doll modeled after a human women. The disturbingly realistic detail that goes into these things is truly something to behold; from the face to the crotch these things are perverted works of art. Before going any further in my article, here is the web site. Make sure you read the FAQ: It is pure comedy gold, and far funnier (and sadly more disturbing) than anything I could write about it:
http://www.realdoll.com (NSFW)
(you should also check out Howard Stern's comments about his test drive with a RealDoll in the Letters section. Good stuff.)
So, now your back after viewing this site, and if you have never seen the RealDoll site before you are probably saying what I was at first: "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot that is some messed up shit! What kind of perverted deviant would own, much less use such a thing?" (Read the FAQ for the answer) This is what I thought about the RealDolls for quite a while, but then like a chigger burrowing into my brain, horrible thoughts just kept popping into my mind about them. They would not go away no matter how hard I tried, so now to purge myself I must inflict these thoughts upon the world. Here they are:
- So is the manufacturing facility kind of like a perverted Santa's little workshop then? A bunch of horny little elves with tents constantly pitched, lovingly painting on nipples, peering at genitals with magnifying glasses and installing pubic hairs with tweezers? When they are finally done, do the elves give the RealDoll a good test humping before getting Santa's final seal of approval?
- I wonder if they would allow phallic sized holes for the eye sockets so the RealDoll could get a good skull-fucking. Would that be too disturbing and perverted for them to do, or would they do that kind of modification, and then perhaps register the buyer to an FBI sexual offenders database? How about vaginas randomly sprinkled around the body. Can they do that?
- Could you get the face of the girl you're stalking put onto it? Or your best friend's mom's face? What a thing to say to your best friend: "Hey man, I skull-fucked your mom last night." You could then even take pictures to prove it to your friend.
- One of the great things about the RealDoll is that you could pull off all of those horrible sexual acts you read about on the Internet but your living girlfriend refuses to do. Things like the Donkey Punch or the Dirty Sanchez. "Come on honey, my RealDoll Tami let me do the Dirty Sanchez on her. It was so hot and sexy and she loved it! She looked just like Juan Valdez! Why won't you let me Sanchez you? Pretty Please?"
- You could also use this to help you stop your living girlfriend from nagging you. "Get off it baby, my RealDoll Tami doesn't care if I come home drunk at 5 in the morning. Don't be such a drag."
- If you live close to the border you can put your RealDoll in the trunk. Then, as the customs guard questions you, act really nervous. When the guard asks, "Do you have anything to declare?" you suddenly blurt out, "I don't have a dead hooker in my trunk!" Oh, good times.
- There is a really screwed up, porn version of Pinocchio in this somewhere.
- The biggest problem I saw with the RealDoll is that it would seem too close to having sex with a good looking but very recently dead corpse. The manufacturers have addressed this complaint by including a RealDoll CD with your purchase. You pop it into your stereo as you are making love to your RealDoll and it presumably makes standard sexual sounds that a RealWoman would make. A great thing to do on this CD I think would be to put the normal sexual moaning on for about 5 minutes or so, and then suddenly have a shrill, shrieking, motherly voice interrupt and yell out, "What in God's good Earth are you doing to that piece of plastic?! You should be ashamed of yourself! What would your poor mother think if she saw you now? It would kill her! For shame, you dirty man!"
User Reviews
Submitted by craptastic (user info) at 2004-05-26 18:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one word, creepy
Submitted by repsik (user info) at 2004-04-15 01:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for: I wonder if they would allow phallic sized holes for the eye sockets so the RealDoll could get a good skull-fucking. Would that be too disturbing and perverted for them to do, or would they do that kind of modification, and then perhaps register the buyer to an FBI sexual offenders database? How about vaginas randomly sprinkled around the body. Can they do that?
Submitted by KoolWang (user info) at 2004-04-11 10:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yup.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-10 05:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's up with only 1 male doll
on a side not....oooooh la la Charlie i think i'm in love
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-16 11:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ROFL WOW Did anyone actually check out the price tag on these things?? $5999.99 for the standard female doll?? DAMN thats like probably 3 months salery for the average Joe out there. I think it would be cheaper to call your local escort service! LOL
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-03-16 09:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I believe the HBO series "Real Sex" had an episode on the Real Doll. It showed some...disturbing...scenes.
I admit, though - I was intrigued...
Damn...going to Hell yet again...
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/16828
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:23:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RealDoll has been on Ubersite before. -2 for thinking you're original, or at least for the other person giving you "props" for finding it.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Question: How are REALDOLLs shipped?
REALDOLLs are shipped by standard freight in a plain and secure shipping crate which doubles as a storage locker. The crate has a tamper-proof latch with a combination lock. The crate is approximately 5'x2'x2' and weighs about 150 lbs when loaded. Inside the padded crate, the doll is safely strapped into a padded seat. All shipments are fully insured.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAH!!!
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2004-03-16 02:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that was interesting to say the least...
I mean, the way the people talk about their dolls.
"I'm was so glad to see that Leah was protected during shipping, she's doing fine now"
scary... very scary...
Props to you for finding it.