Mr Car Is Better than Your Car (547 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cicciro <tommyr786.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-16 03:12:23 EST
Recently it was brought to my attention that I have a car. Even more recently, I found out my car is nothing shy of a tank.
That is correct folks, I drive a Blue 1984 Volvo four-door sedan. I will run over your children, your pets and your flower beds without taking a scratch. I have been rear ended with critical damage to the car at fault, but nothing short of a puncture wound in my solid rubber bumper. The biggest loss my car has taken is one of the metallic wrap-around objects fell off the rear left side.
It was funny when that guy rear ended me. I just sat there, and the first thing that came to my mind was... shit. The second thing that came to my mind was: it's not my fault. The third thing that came to my mind was: I hope he's okay. I just sat there ready for the light to turn green, singing away to some song on the radio, so we could pull into the local shell station to examine the damage. I get out and ask him if he's doing alright and inspect my back bumper. The wounds where his liscense plate screws assaulted my car are still worm, but nothing damaging. He's happy about that as he has no insurance. I look at his front end. His mid 90's Ford escort wasn't doing so hot. The hood of the car had lodged itself underneath his bumper and when he went to check on it, he had to pry it out from under the bumpers rim with his hands, doing considerable damage to the pain at the front of the hood. I didn't care much so I deemed myself alright and left.
That car of mine could survive anything. I believe I drove the sands of the mesopotamian when the American's liberated Iraq's people from Dictator Saddam. I was there when the Germans pushed their Tiger Tank into action against the Russians. I was mowing down Assyrian chariots in Ninevah. I was there my friends, with the most solid, comfortable and powerful car on the planet. The 1984 Volvo sedan. My car will kick your car's ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by ninjatut (user info) at 2004-04-30 19:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My car is faster and looks better. Please ram you car into the back of mine so I can get another.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-16 14:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Volvos are cool. They're like a cheap Cadillac.
I've owned a '97 Deville and when I drove a Volvo, it drove just as smooth as the Cadillac and even had the same kickass smell as the Cadillac.
If you don't know what a Cadillac smells like, go sit in one and take a whif. You'll want to buy one. Unfortunately, I couldn't hold onto mine for long. Stupid lack of money.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-16 07:30:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Is your blender named Mr. Blender?
Haha i maed fun of you're mispelling in the title. I is teh not suck!
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-03-16 06:46:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good story, ugly car.
C
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus fucking two. I got a 93 Volvo station wagon in great condition. It came with a bigger turret though.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your kindness overflows alveenie
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
78 Caddilac Coupe De Ville
with original 8 track player
REK-IN-IZE!
Submitted by alveenie (user info) at 2004-03-16 03:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i just want to get you off to a shitty start.
go die.