Fuck Towels (886 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.5 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kgbpasha (View user info) at 2004-03-17 18:11:29 EST
Somewhere there's a rooster crowing. My phone rings. I let it ring. It stops. It
starts ringing again.
"LeFuck." I say, possibly fallout from my dreams.
I answer the phone while still in bed. It's Looch.
"Hey fucker, I'm coming over." His 300lb. ass is coming over.
"What? No you're not fuck you." My hungover self replies naturally.
He responds with,"Tina used all the hot water can I use yours Romeo?"
"Yeah, front doors unlocked...just do what you gotta do and don't bother knocking on
my bedroom door...I'm not movin'." with that I hang up, swiggle some water out of
a gatorade bottle and drift slowly back to sleep.
Somewhere there's a rooster crowing(again). Ay cabron, guess I should get up. I'm in
dire need of relieving myself. Man I drank one beer too many last night, I think to
myself. I make it into the bathroom, lean one hand on the wall and do the morning-wood
piss procedure. I'm halfway through what seems like a 45 minute piss when my mind starts
to work on what happened last night. Oh yeah, that's right...I did fuck her...what was
her name? Melissa, Michelle, Shelly, no..no..wait...Desiree...no that was her friend.
Stefanie...that's it. I was calling her stuffed-up-stef. She had a stuffed up nose and
now I clearly remember her saying "I'd suck your dick, but my nose is stuffed up."
That's why I had to fuck her instead. Now it's all coming back to me. Wait a second.
In the middle of this piss I lazily look over to my right. There's my towel rack and
hanging on it is a towel. It looks like it's just been used. Oh, that's right...Looch
was here this morning and he borrowed my shower. Then it hit me and it hit me hard.
My piss was cut off in midstream. My body started to revolt against the terrible memory
that had just made itself to the front of my mind.
The towel. The last time I'd seen that towel was over by the couch in the living room.
I distinctly remember seeing a nice ass...then I remember telling what's-her-name "don't
move." I, being the nice guy I am, went and got a towel so she could clean up the fair amount
of mess that was on her back. I was such a nice guy that I think I might have even helped her.
Now the towel is hanging up on the towel rack, freshly used to....."No Looch! Holy shit!
Looooooooooooooooooooch! Ah no, fuck!" I was getting sick at the thought. I was about to
puke.
Then I heard someone walking around in my house. "Hey fucker, give me a ride to the store."
It was Looch. "What the fuck you yelling about?"
Scene change:(Doctor Massie's office)
The doctor wasn't in the room anymore.
"Hey Doc, where'd you go?" I hear someone hurling in an adjoining room.
"You okay Doc?"
Sadly this story has not been altered in any way, shape or form.
User Reviews
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:08:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If your doctor gives you meds when something gross happens to you I want their name so I can sign up to be a patient. This story was funny.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-18 12:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't understand the part at the doctor's office..
what's the big deal peeps? You are all 50% sperm!!
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-18 03:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm slowly getting over this. Meds and Uber
have surprising healing powers.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-03-18 00:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah man. I've almost...ALMOST...used a (ahem) "used" towel. One that I had "used" to clean my girlfriend. I didn't use it, but I still shudder at the thought.
Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2004-03-17 20:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You would've got a +2, but you can never have one beer too many.
Badass.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-03-17 20:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice.
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-03-17 20:22:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yuckies.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-03-17 19:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There;s the +2 the other guy forgot.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-03-17 18:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for putting it in the science and enviro category...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-17 18:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-03-17 18:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lefuck.... I love it!