Me and George W Bush like to play Risk: A Parker Brothers World Conquest Game (883 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.58 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cicciro <tommyr786.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-17 23:40:15 EST
I'm sure all of you have played the game of risk and if you haven't now is a good time to start by finding a game to play online.
Now, how many of you know where the United States is? Good, George Bush's army is there, he has five of the cylindrical five-pronged plastic things on Western United States and Eastern United States. He also has ten five-pronged plastic things in the Middle East and one of the three-pronged units in Alaska as a placeholder. He is a smart man if he wants to take over the world.
With those troops residing in the Eastern United States, I recommend he start his way into Canada by first taking Quebec, then Greenland, Ontario, Albert and finally Northwest Territory. North America is almost ours, but we have one more province to take: Central America. With the Western United States Missile Defense Force, he will go on the offensive and take the deserts of Mexico and the Beauty of the Central American rainforests. With his ending move I recommend he move half of the units from Northwest Territory to Alaska and draw a card. Not only were Canada's armies taken, but the armies and militias of Central America are taken too. He gets whatever cards were in their possession and if he gets over five cards he must turn them in. Canada happened to have one card and Central America had none. Sorry George, no armies this round, but check this out. For each turn you get five additional armies plus one for every three territories you own at a minimum of three armies per turn no matter what.
I recommend for his next move he relaxes and enjoys the new Oil he can drill for in northern Canada as well as the new lumber industry boom causing a jump in the economy and stock markets. Not only that, but he is now getting additional troops from Canada and Central America every turn, and Central America provides him with a tourist trap. He should take Venezuela to get a card and control over the drug traffic of cocaine. Lastly he should finish my moving the Northwest Territory remaining armies to Greenland to secure the borders.
With the new socialist government in Spain, Europe has its own problems such as the rise of socialist governments (Nazism) or new communist governments (Soviets). He has nothing to worry about there as the European countries will be too annoyed with themselves and putting down uprisings to really pay attention to Canada or Mexico; no one cared about them anyway.
GWB on his third turn he should take over South America and buff up the Middle East. At the end he should grab his card and his enemies death cards to make a set, he gets four more armies right away that I recommend he place on Brazil. The Africans aren't paying attention, as they are stricken with Civil War, and fear of Nuclear Arms Exposure. That will be to our benefit. We now own South America meaning we have the slave labor and more tourist money from Brazil and the Amazon. The only uprisings we have to deal with are the occasional tribal disputes that resolve themselves anyway.
For GWB's fourth turn I recommend dumping some armies on Greenland and the rest on Brazil. Out first location for Invasion will be North Africa. Our forces will sweep south and take the Congo, followed by South Africa, Madagascar and then East Africa. We will then stop with that regiment and pull some armies out of the Middle East to finish up Africa with an attack on Egypt. With the African Muslims, European Imperialists and African democracies under our control, we have taken out three opponents and gained all their cards. Place what sets you get on Alaska. End the turn with a move from East Africa to North Africa and pick up a card. You have a set to turn in next turn.
For the fifth turn, grab your set (Are we at 6 or 8, I don't remember), and throw them on the Alaskan Monstrosity. From here you will begin to invade the former Soviet Union. Kamchatka, Yakutsk, Siberia, Ural and ending with the Ukraine; this is your attack order GWB. You have Afghanistan to deal with, but you already beat them up in the last game. China has some hits, but they are more focused on Korea and Japan. With the Russians gone, you get their set and again are over. Grab ten armies and throw them on Kamchatka. Grab a card and get ready to heist Asia.
Sixth turn and the world is almost yours, all you have left is your allies and some Asians. You must take Japan, but not with force this time, keep buying their anime and pokemon products to keep them satisfied while you move your troops from Kamchatka to Mongolia. The Koreans and a Big ass desert are yours. Take them GW, you are now rich with human resources and nuclear arms, what have you got to fear. Take China and reclaim Afghan. Take India and then the Charles' (Siam... Vietnam for the morons). Head on into Indonesia and grab the oil and then New Guinea. Take Western Australia for kicks as no one cares about it, and leave Eastern Aussie Land alone, they will comply. End your turn; grab a card.
With armies all over the border of Europe, all the worlds major resources both environmental and human under your control and the biggest grin the world has ever seen... TAKE OVER THE WORLD. That is right, on your seventh turn you can take over the world. It only took you seven turns to take over the world and it's all because you took some pre-emptive strikes last game. Good job GWB, you made all the American's and liberated peoples of the world proud.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-04-25 20:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking nuke France first. ^.^
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
apollo18
Nazi = National Socialist German Workers Party.... go figure eh?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-18 14:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a great post to bad no one in the world counts on the fact that there are about 10 armys on each space in the world controled by a man that only they know and they are just waiting to get there hands on enough weapons or money to buy weapons to kill enough people to claim a new world order.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-03-18 12:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Supremacy was a much better game.
It was like Risk, but with Nukes. (You actually had little plastic mushroom clouds that you placed on the board)
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-18 11:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-03-18 06:54:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Socialism is not nazism.
Nazis=Right wing
Socialist= Left wing.
Technically Tony Blair is a socialist.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-03-18 06:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Socialism is not nazism.
Nazis=Right wing
Socialist= Left wing.
Technically Tony Blair is a socialist.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-03-18 06:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Socialism is not nazism.
Nazis=Right wing
Socialist= Left wing.
Technically Tony Blair is a socialist.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-18 03:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One word...
Great.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-18 03:42:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's more of a chance of this actually happening in the real
world...than it happening in Risk. Everyone knows that you have
to secure Australia for the easy additional armies for controlling
a continent. You amass your armies in Indonesia(Southeast Asia's
bottleneck)...bide your time...bide your time...then Wham!
Of course whoever controls Yakutsk near the end is ultimately the
winner.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-03-18 03:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What if he get's a streak of one's and is slaughtered! New Zealand isn't even on the map. 'tis a travesty!
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-03-18 00:37:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love risk.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-18 00:28:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The scary thing is, if someone in the administration reads this, it will be considered a viable plan.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-03-18 00:10:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They won't have to, we will incorporate military powers as we take them over.
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-03-17 23:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good. Only problem is, unlike Risk, the US military will tire and not want to fight that long. And you can never take Switzerland!
+1 for the effort
+1 for the idea.