My Uhaul Adventure: One Way Ticket to Hell (11207 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.18 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jonukah<jonukah.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-18 13:48:01 EST
Yesterday was one of those days that you always start of describing with, "Did you ever have one of those days." Of course, everyone has had at least one of those days, and if not, then you should set a bomb on a boat, (but say it is in a school), and then black mail them into wearing nothing but I sign that says, "I hate niggers" while taking a stroll through harlem. Why? Because empathy is good. It builds character.
The day started off okay. I went to work and struggled through some tax returns for old people. I HATE doing tax returns for old people. I have to meticulously sort through all of their life-support prescriptions, and sort through all of their IRAs and other investments. Why can't everyone be thrifty to make my life easier?
I wanted to get out of work early to study for my Philosophy exam. It is 50% of the total grade for the class, and I have a habit of waiting until the last minute to study. Yes, this is my fault, but it is the most efficient means for me to get good grades. I need that adrenaline from the last minute rush. However, instead of studying, I had to help my girlfriend move.
5:00 pm
This was to be the sixth time I've helped someone move, though I've never moved myself. As it was, I had good experience, and immediately after work I called up Jenny and asked how much progress she had made. (She only really needed me for the furniture, everything else she could do on her own.) When I called, she said she was going to pick up the truck. "Already ready for the truck?," I though. I was beginning to get optimistic and think I would have time to study, but then the warning of my experience hit me:
Please don't be Uhaul. Please don't be Uhaul. Anything but Uhaul.
5:30 pm
I arrived at Jenny's around a half hour later, and looming before me, was a Uhaul 17 footer. I don't remember if Razor posted about his Uhaul experience or not, but everyone should still know, Uhaul is the devil. As well as H&R Block. Perhaps there is a third that is escaping me. Uhaul is Diablo, and H&R bock is...uh....one of the other two. Baul? Sure, why now.
I park my car and find Jenny inside packing boxes with her friend. Packing. As in not loading the truck. As in I'm going to be here a while and won't get to study. This of course caused an argument, with her as the irresponsible child and me as the nagging parent.
"I expected this to be done already."
"Shut up, you're not helping."
"This is why you should plan ahead......"
"I just can't do anything right, can I?"
"I just want you to learn from mistakes"
"Thanks a lot, dad"
Blah blah blah, more interspousal-type arguments that are all too frequent.
8:30 pm
We finally load the truck. We take another half-an-hour or so arguing about how we are going to move everything and get everyone back to their car. I didn't know the way to her new place, and she wasn't comfortable relying on side-view mirrors, so we finally settled on Jenny leading the way in her car with me following in El Diablo.
9:00 pm
I immediately notice all of the standard Uhaul issues: The steering was as loose as Kristyswan on prom night, the radio was broken, and the brakes were about as effective in stopping as attempt to sodomize Mickginny.
(Don't you love ceaseless references to other uberusers? I do!)
9:30 pm
I realize my blinkers don't work. At all. No problem, I'll just use the emergency flashers.....where the fuck are they? Oh yeah......it doesn't have any.
(Did I mention that it was now snowing and I have horrible night vision?
I thought about calling Jenny to tell her, but my battery indicator is flashing. Best to save the phone for emergencies.
9:45
We just merged onto 495 (D.C. beltway) AAAAAAND....my mirrors flipped back.
We have just lost cabin pressure.
By flipped back, I mean that the mirrors were now facing away. By facing away, I mean that the all-so-useful reflective surface was facing the trees, and all the mirrors were currently doing was hindering my 30 degree cone view of the trees at a 10 degree altitude.
In other words, I can't see fucking shit. Especially in the dark, since shit is generally brown. It is snowing, I can hardly see in front of me, and the only way I know if something is beside me is if I start feeling around in the dark by swerving. Like looking for a piñata.
With my last bit of battery life I tell Jenny that she is my eyes, and whenever she changes lanes, I'm changing lanes, so she better be sure the lane is clear.
10:00 pm
"Fuck. Can't see. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Okay.....calm down. Think of a movie. What was the last movie you watched? It was last night on U.S.A. What was it? Oh yeah! Final Destination.
Nevermind. Bad idea. Movies bad. Just keeping driving.
Did Jonukah make it through the night in one piece? Was he taken on a one-way trip to hell? Did Jonukah and Jenny have make up sex? Will there ever be peace in Iraq? Stayed tuned for next week. Same bat-place.....same bat-channel.
What the fuck am I thinking? I can't possibly drag out this short story any longer. I didn't create enough empathy for the protagonist for you to care. So, I might as well tell you the rest of the story.
Jenny and I got to her place around 10:30. We unpacked by 11:15. There was no make up sex.
This morning, Jenny and I make it back to the Uhaul place in Odenton. We check it in, and they want to charge us $20 fee plus fuel for not filling the damn thing up to what the truck was discharged with. (This, of course, was after I had explained all of our problems with the truck to uncaring ears.)
"How much gas do you say is in there?"
"About 3/4"
"How much did we need?"
"Between ¾ and full"
"Can we double check that?"
<we walk over to the truck>
"Well?"
"It is ¾"
"It is over the line..."
"yeah, by a hair"
I didn't need to explain how a hair over ¾ is still in between ¾ and full. I didn't need to get her to admit that their policy is to over-exaggerate when checking out and under-exaggerate when checking in. I just stared out her. I would say glared, but this is Jonukah we're talking about, and he NEVER gets angry enough to glare.
Needless to say, the fee was waived.
Ever have one of those days?
User Reviews
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2004-03-22 20:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
been there as well.. every u-hall truck in americal should be collected in a big pile in the grand canyon and destroyed by a tatical nuke.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-03-18 23:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a very sucky post, for a very sucky experience. I'm sorry it happened, love, but this just isn't up to snuff.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-18 16:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No make up sex?
How in the world did you managae to fuck that up?
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-18 16:40:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, BRAIN is an absolute idealist, while COMPUTER is pragrmatic. Isn't that obvious?
I will stop here to avoiding turning this into a chatorrom.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-03-18 16:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I see. Well, glad you are educating yourself. America needs it. So do you consider yourself a reductionist? Mental states being explained by mere physical occurrences?
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-18 16:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't much of a story from start to finish, I just wanted to give a picture of what I felt at that moment with those damn mirrors swung out.
My test went fairly well, but not as good had I been studying and not moving yesterday. The excepted value of my grade is 93%. I took Philosophy because it was the only social science elective that fit into my schedule, and I need that elective to get my degree this summer, (which will be an Associates. Hurray for cheap two year colleges!
And yes, I'm still living with my parents.
And I still haven't gotten my exhaust fixed.
Thank you for brightening my day.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-03-18 15:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought the ending was going to be better.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-03-18 15:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay, die hard.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-18 15:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bitch and moan, bitch and moan!
Jonukah, you sure you're not a New Jerseyite?
Submitted by rbdweasel (user info) at 2004-03-18 15:17:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Favorite sentence: "Like looking for a piñata."
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-03-18 15:11:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Computer would have settled the matter... or at least provided some force-feedback.
Brain, Computer, You, and SiliconJesus should never be destroyed. Without each other, the others are useless. Was that a come on? I mean, GREKLA!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth reading I guess, but this really doesn't sound that bad. What the fuck are you taking philosophy for? I am assuming (why I don't know) that you are working on a graduate degree? I can understand taking it for an undergrad... also sounds like since you have never moved yourself you must still live with your parents. If so, then no wonder this seems horrible to you. Ever get lost in the woods?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:39:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I READ ALL OF THAT!!!!1123456!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:35:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UHaul, AAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
<vanishes into a pile of dust>
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-03-18 14:12:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, poor boy :-( Have to say it, but could have been worse.
You could need to replace your intake manifold gasket.
I'm sorry you had such a shitty day. How did the test go?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-18 13:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-03-18 13:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had one of those days too... difference was that my boyfriend flew off the handle cuz the car started running like shit and when he opened the hood he couldn't see anything wrong. I get home open the hood and hmmmmm, wouldn't ya know one the the spark plug wires became unplugged.... whoda thunk it?!?!
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-18 13:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll just start this off with:
WTF, I'M NOT READING ALL THAT!