All's fair in Love and war (for iddqd) (849 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.75 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe (View user info) at 2004-03-19 03:30:05 EST
'Seriously, there's no way this can fail. Trust me.'
David gave his brother a sideways look that spoke volumes, then pulled the ski mask over his face. When he spoke, his voice was muffled by the wool: 'Don't blame me when it goes wrong. And if she nuts me, I'll bitchslap her.'
Darren clapped his brother on the back and grinned. 'She's not the type, mate. Like I said, trust me.'
David sighed in disgust and slipped into the darkened doorway. Darren assumed his place behind the dumpster.
They waited.
Scant moments later, they heard the click-tap of high heeled shoes approaching the dark streetcorner. Darren hissed, just loud enough to be heard, 'That's her. Don't screw this up.'
She turned the corner, pulling her jacket around her. David leapt from his doorway, hamming it up for all he was worth, hoping she'd be too startled to notice the ridiculous cliche of the little setup.
'Don't move, bitch. Just stand real still while I grab your bag and you can go on your wa-- aaaahhh fuck!'
Darren tackled his brother in a flying leap that knocked the breath out of both of them when they hit the concrete.
'Fuck, man, you think that was fucking necessary?' David groaned beneath the mask.
'Shut up. She'll hear you' muttered Darren, before he started slugging his brother in the face and yelling obscenities.
David struggled out from beneath Darren, found his feet, and ran off, still winded from the fall, cursing fluently under his breath the day his brother was born and his parent's decision not to drown the little fuck.
Darren stood. Reached out a hand to Marie and smiled. 'You okay, hon?'
Marie stared. She'd just been walking home and then she'd been scared and then there'd been yelling and it was all so confusing... but here was her savior, her rescuer - and he looked vaguely familiar.
She put her hand in his, still recovering from her surprise. 'Darren, isn't it? You're the instructor at the gym.'
He looked closely at her face, then broke into a smile. 'Marie! What are the odds? That guy didn't touch you, did he?'
'No. He didn't even get close.... thanks to you.'
When their eyes met it was a definite moment. No, a Moment. We're talking choirs of angels, the smell of roses, two souls alight.... you know the drill.
His walking her home was a foregone conclusion.
[cut to the montage sequence - some painfully hip ballad, set to scenes of Marie and Darren feeding each other ice cream, laughing in a fall of autumn leaves, huddling together under a newspaper as the rain falls and they laugh into each others eyes... etc, etc, insert your own additions here. If you think hardcore sex should be included, hell, feel free.]
Wedding Day.
White satin, white roses, organ music. Family and friends smiling, Marie looking like an angel, Darren looking like the world was made just for him.
Cut to the reception. More specifically, the best man's speech, featuring your friend and mine, the erstwhile David.
David is drunk.
To be completely honest, David is fuckin' faced.
The words slur into the air, and into the ears of the blushing bride, with terrible inevitability.
'You know, when my brother ashed me to 'tend to mug Mree, sho he could play de knight in shinin' armourer-er-er... I thought to myself, I thought 'thish ish nev'r gonna work.' But here they are! all... happy.... 'David sniffled, eyes welling with the tears of the utterly drunk...'i love you guysh. Sho, all's fair in love and war, ey? Innit? Lesh hear it for Mree and Darren.....!'
Marie stands. She slips off her wedding band and gently places it in front of Darren. She smiles, right before she spits in his face and leaves the hall.
David is still clapping, with tears running down his face. He's oblivious to everything but the joy of the wedding.
All's fair in love and war, but you'd be surprised how few people seem to know that.
User Reviews
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-05-19 20:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha, you wrote a post for iddqd.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-08 21:00:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not my favorite, but +2 to counter the pointless -2 below.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-01-27 00:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on winning UberBoobage!
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-05 10:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by GeorgeBaker (user info) at 2004-09-05 09:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring and uninteresting
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-19 18:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read you post. Circe is the name of a comic book character. I have a Hero Clix figure of her. Her Team Ability makes it so that whenever she's damaged, ther attacker takes one damage. w00t
I'm such a nerd.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-19 15:32:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh the best laid plans....
-Turtle
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-19 13:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-19 12:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool...
Submitted by Papajoe (user info) at 2004-03-19 12:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"If you think hardcore sex should be included, hell, feel free"
I liked it. And hell, its Friday, bring on the sex!